Getting A JOb, But Not Being Able To Handle It

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I'm writing here just to see if anyone has any words of encouragement or advice to get through this.
I am currently employed in my second job (I'm 19). During my interviews, I'm able to completely impress my employers and get hired. This is because I rehearse and study obsessively beforehand and I am good with facts and information.
However, once I get the job and have worked for about a few weeks, I begin to loose my facade and unravel. All of my co-workers begin to see my true character- Aspergers and all. At this point I am so overstimulated and scared that I can not accomplish tasks or interact appropriately with people.
My current job is a retail job, and I have come to realize that retail is one of the worst jobs for me, so I am about to give my 2 week's notice. I am disappointed and very frustrated with myself.
My skill sets are in animal care/rehabilitation and art.
Can anyone relate or help?
Thanks for reading.

I relate 100% with your experiences, absolutely, positively. Many years ago I used to work retail too, and it was a nightmare for me, as it pushed all the same buttons you mention. Similar to you, I can get through an interview well enough to land the job and even seem to be liked by the interviewers/bosses. I always made a good start and a fairly good first impression, with co-workers too. I was trying very hard to keep my more negative traits in check and bring my more positive traits forward.

There are other threads at the moment discussing "faking NT" and it's a little controversial -- but if you want to call it that, then I managed to "fake".......until, just like you, OP, the cracks began to show, my real traits, issues and challenges started to emerge, things got more overwhelming for me, misunderstandings happened, and even if I'd felt comfortable enough with someone to consider them a friend at work, even that would backfire because I'd let my guard down enough to be honest about not getting along with another worker -- then all hell would break loose, sides would be taken, and nobody liked me by them.

I never lasted at any of my retail jobs for more than six months at the most, but very often much less time than that. My very first job I couldn't stand more than one day. My most recent retail job -- now 22 years in the past -- I made it through about six months before social "side taking" mess developed and I was advised to "shape up or ship out" and I chose shipping out. What I couldn't explain to them was that I was overwhelmed, misunderstood, don't even know how the downslide in the social situation there happened, aside from the fact that someone was best friends with a person who was mildly bullying to me, and when I stood up for myself as anyone would, the side-taking happened.

The only thing that worked out for me was, after that job, was to just go into self-employment.

I'm not saying that retail can never work out for someone on the spectrum or anyone with issues such as mine, or yours -- I think it all depends on the individual, and some people can find a coping strategy that makes retail just fine, not ideal maybe, but do-able for them. I am not one of those people.

I can't advise anything useful except maybe some of the things I wish I'd done differently and maybe I could have at least lasted longer in any one retail job I had. Things such as, be pleasant but keep a certain distance socially. By which I mean, don't get too closely involved in the social relationship that all workplaces develop. The cliques of friends and such. Try to operate a policy of "Friendly but not friends." Don't necessarily get close to anyone, socially. Just do your job, keep your head down, ask your manager for practical help with the work when your need it. I remember an older woman who operated like this. She kept to herself, knew the job inside out, didn't smile much, didn't partake in casual conversation, was always busy, but helped out other co-workers and managed to be liked and respected even though she didn't really get close with anyone.

I wish I could have been more like her.

Don't be too hard on yourself for feeling the need to hand in your notice. Retail IS a very over-stimulating and overwhelming environment, even for NTs in my opinion. Stores are busy places generally, unless you manage to find a sleepy, small store -- but even then they have rush times too, in my experience. There is visual noise, aural noise, lots of strangers (the customers) and in retail you are nearly always multi-tasking, something that is often almost impossible, or at least deeply challenging, fro many on the spectrum. Retail has all the ingredients that usually make for a very challenging environment for someone with spectrum traits and challenges.

So don't be hard on yourself for feeling like you can't cope; it is a job that has so many aspects perfectly designed to be nightmarish for someone like you, or me.

You may find that, like me, you just can't make a good fit with retail. If so try to find anything else -- you might volunteer at an animal shelter or try for positions as a vet assistant?

.

From my experience, its not unusual that new employees relax after a few weeks into their kind of normal status. Its natural to show oneself at ones best.
You should not be so harsh with youself. Its great you impressed them and got the job! You probably just have not yet found the right job for you or the right team. You have the right to be accepted as you are, dont give up. If retail isnt what you expected, its not your fault.

I've only worked on a voluntary basis, and am not good at interviews, but starting off relatively well then becoming overwhelmed and slipping sounds like me. It's great that you're good at interviews and are able to get jobs because of it, though.

Can't help but can relate. Because I'm aspie the state put me on a pension. On this pension I'm permitted to work part time and keep the pension. If I work full time I permanently lose the pension.

Ambition compels me to get a full time job but this ambitious compulsion is countered by many fears, one of which is that I might get a full time job, lose the pension but not be able to handle the job. I'd then be left without any income.

Retail is a truly strange dimension. I advise retreat if you can. It's soul destroying.

Graybird I can also relate to everything you said. You'll find a position that works for you. Also, it's great that you're pushing yourself a little (or a lot) - just let this one go and feel wiser for the experience. I say this because I'd blame myself for months and obsess; now I know that was wrong of me.
I'm an older person now, but the memories of attempting retail and office work are painfully sharp. I had many very short-lived jobs that started out fine snd quickly went bad, as in I would get so overstimulated and then angry that I'd walk away - often almost out of control - and not come back.
Best of luck.

I just got fired. I couldn't "keep up" with what the job required.

To be fair, they were correct. I knew I'd not make a great server (restaurant waiter), but that's where they wanted me. I applied to be a dishwasher. I would probably still have my job if they hired me to be a dishwasher.

I'm tired of people "second guessing" my judgment. Yeah, I'm hard on myself, but if I feel I'd make a better dishwasher than a waiter, please accept that I know better than you do. The personality you see at the interview is an act I have to put on. It shows me in a better light than I actually am.

I'm having the same kind of anxiety situation about working full time.

Thank you all for your understanding and advice!
I've had to read your replies over a few times to help me get through today, because today I gave my 2 week's notice. The few members of my family that I've told have seemed vaguely disapproving and disappointed. I suppose that I can't really expect them to relate, though.
I'm afraid to tell anyone else that I've resigned, because of the disappointment. I don't want to tell my mom, even though she's the only person in my family who I've told upfront about my aspergers (like Ive said, I'm very good at hiding it). When I told her about what I was experiencing in my job, and she was not supportive of my quitting, even though I was miserable and uncomfortable. But like I said, I suppose I can't expect people without aspergers to be able to grasp it's struggles.
Self-employment is the only thing that's giving me any hope for my future, so I'm trying to concentrate on that.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do Graybird. I just sort of quit my job too. I got a sicknote on Thursday but I have no intention of going back due to having the worse boss that ever existed. I'm not sure what I'll do next.

You said that your skill sets are in animal care/rehabilitation and art. I've done animal care too and love this kind of work, however I've never found paid work doing this, only voluntary.

Have you ever thought about care work with people? I worked as admin in a nursing home and I found that I could be myself around the residents. Because they are either old or have other issues that put them in a home, they don't seem to notice that there's anything odd about me. I also get along with the care staff. I don't know if it's just that people in this line of work are less judgemental but there's very little nastiness like there is in office environments. I used to love this job until my boss started becoming a problem

Hell, I work at a warehouse facility and this is still true.

You're going to go through a period of time where you'll suddenly start hating your job. The best way I got through it was finding something I enjoyed about it.

What I like about my job is that I get to be up and around all the time. I' constantly moving around and checking on progress, looking for jams or if someone needs assistance, or just basically moving around until I see something that needs to be done. I'm the third newest person on my crew and I'm usually second-or third fastest by the end of the day, so I get to do all the fast and preoccupying stuff.

Do any of your special interests match up to possible gainful employment? Are you in school? Service jobs, the majority of unskilled jobs today, are less Asperger's friendly. The capitalist mentality of retail also eschews neurodiversity.