Do I want a behaviour plan?

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Sadly, it very often is.

I know exactly how he feels. Let's see if I can verbalize. First I'll describe how I feel about my computer monitor at workplaces.

It's MY monitor, I've taken a lot of trouble to arrange it at JUST the right height and JUST the right angle, and if people are constantly brushing against my monitor or even my desk, they may disturb it and I'll have to spend HOURS getting the EXACT setup back, or it might even BE LOST FOREVER! And when we're looking at something on the monitor sometimes they'll point at it with their finger DON'T GET TOO CLOSE and even TOUCH it and now NOT ONLY IS IT MISPOSITIONED there's HORRIBLE GREASY FINGERPRINTS ON IT THAT WILL KEEP ME FROM SEEING THE SCREEN PROPERLY FOR THE REST OF THE DAY JUST WHEN I FINALLY GOT IT CLEAN!! ! AUGHGHGHGGH!! !! !! !

He probably feels the somewhat same way about his desk, even if he doesn't think of it consciously the way I described.

That's why he has to touch their desk back - so they'll understand how bad it is to have their desks disturbed, and they'll be more careful of his. The problem is, most people don't care that much about their exact desk or monitor arrangement, so they're not going to care that he touched theirs, and it won't make them more careful of his. So either he needs to figure out a way of desensitizing himself, such as by getting himself to think of it as the school's desk that he's just temporarily using rather than as "his" desk, or the desk needs to be somewhere out of the traffic pattern so it won't get brushed against as much.

I totally get what you are saying about not wanting to have your stuff messed with. I never seemed to care in school; however, when I was older and working, it annoyed me greatly if someone say borrowed my stapler and didn't put it back in the same exact place. Maybe not to the the extent of what you guys feel, but I really hated it if people moved my stuff. I didn't retaliate, but it did get my blood pressure up. My husband told me our first year of marriage that I would come in a do what he called "the tour" and be annoyed if he had used stuff and didn't put it back exactly as I had organized it. I would still probably be that way today if I hadn't had 5 kids and a very unorganized husband. I am outnumbered and can't get annoyed about everyone messing up my organization or I would be annoyed all the time. I do have my moments still where it will overwhelm me.

My son understands rationally that it doesn't bother anyone else, but he says it makes him feel better. He was saying when he got his breaks and played basketball for a few minutes, he felt like it was better, which is what the special ed teacher said they hoped would happen is that he would learn to control his annoyances until an appropriate time and place where he could let it out. Which is why he needs those 3 breaks! I am determined to make sure he gets those everyday one way or another.

I am happy to say that I did speak to the principal yesterday. While none of next year's classes are set yet due to the fact that we may drop from six 4th grade teachers to five, depending on enrollment, and one 4th grade teacher is trying to become a counselor. She did say that she had the same teacher in mind for my son as I did. She told me to send her a letter reminding her of our conversation and she hoped to have the classrooms finalized in June.

If you are really worried about your son forgetting things, can't you just get him a watch/organizer?

That's what what I did to keep myself organized when I was younger.

Step #1: Get a cheep watch (buy a couple in case you lose 1) that can be set to ding softly on the hour. I.E. 10am, 11am, noon, 1pm, etc.

Step #2: Get a piece of paper, and write down the things your child needs to be aware of on a per hour basis. For example:

8am:
Go hand in your homework and make sure you have turned everything in. (Making sure that done homework is well organized in the proper folder helps in finding it).
Also, take care of the basics:
Do I need to use the bathroom?
Am I hungry/in need of a snack?
Am I thirsty/in need of a drink?

9am:
Check to make sure you handed your work in! In case you forgot.
Also, take care of the basics:
Do I need to use the bathroom?
Am I hungry/in need of a snack?
Am I thirsty/in need of a drink?

10am:
Break time! Go play in bouncy room for 10 minutes.
Also, take care of the basics:
Do I need to use the bathroom?
Am I hungry/in need of a snack?
Am I thirsty/in need of a drink?

11am:
Lunch time! But before you go, make sure to check your planner and see that you have written important deadlines down.
Also, take care of the basics:
Do I need to use the bathroom?

The list goes on from there. And yes, I know it seems silly to check whether or not you need to eat or use the bathroom on an hourly basis; but having accidentally gone 2 days without eating(more then once), I can assure you that it important to check for these things.

Anyways, the idea is that when your son's watch beeps, he can look at his schedule (which he will have in his desk, in his backpack, in the car, or any other place that he might be) and see what he will be doing for the next hour. Eventually, it will just become habit to remember what needs to be done when, and he can keep all the organization inside his head rather then on paper (like I do today). But he isn't quite there yet, and some external organization may help.

There is a phrase that organization shall set you free, and I can attest to that. I have routines, schedules, organizational systems, reminders, and methodologies for pretty much everything that I do. And I am usually expanding, and developing new systems of organization every day. It is what keeps me from falling apart and forgetting to shower in the morning. So yeah, forgetting things and having difficulty keeping track of what needs to be done and how isn't a insurmountable problem. You just need to help your son learn and apply effective organizational tactics. In time, he will learn to internalize these tactics, and take care of things inside his head.

Yeah! I'm so glad to hear this. I understand that you want to "play nice," but there is a way to be firm about your expectations of them. Your concerns are completely legitimate, and I really believe that some of the problems from this year are due to an inexperienced teacher. Although, I have to say that I still don't like the Vice Principal.

As you get the chance to go through the IEP notes, I would say document line by line your issues with each and every thing. You might want to let them know in advance that there are going to have to be some changes and that the meeting will be long. The IEP is a legal document, and it needs to be right. If they are reluctant to make changes, then just reiterate that you are very concerned with how this year went and that you want to make sure that this legal document that dictates how your sons teachers handle him is very clear on how to deal with him.

You could also suggest that this issue with him kicking the other child is actually their fault because they knew about this behavior and failed to deal with it appropriately or consistently. They may say that "kicking is kicking," but they KNEW it was a problem and still failed miserably at dealing with it (especially considering how often he was denied his breaks).

I hope this goes well! We've been very blessed with an outstanding teacher for my little Aspie, and she has made all the difference in the world for him. I know how easily it could go the other way!