Denial?

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ok, firstly I needed to post this here. Im not a parent, im a teen with asperger's, and my dad completely denies it. saying im just a spoiled brat, etc. how can I get him to understand and quit making my life hell?

Hi dillan, I was going to ask whether you were diagnosed or not, but I notice from a thread of yours in the General Forum, that you are diagnosed.

Is there anyone in your family who accepts your diagnosis, or does everyone deny it?

Are you in contact with any health professionals who can offer you support and help, and who could sit down with you and your father to discuss your diagnosis and what it means?

Hi dillan not easy when that happens, its taken my husband a while to understand and one of my sons now diagnosed, I guess sadly not only we have to get to know ourselves all over again once we learn, we have to try and educate others, so wrong as there ignorance is not out thought, hopefully you do have a support group or some support as not easy I know...

Please feel free to contact me and if you want I will be happy to email him, but truly your not alone this happens to most of us to start, but personally as an parent myself I hate the thought of another parent not supporting there own child, please feel free to pass on this email to him and in the mean while truly your not alone....

well, I almost ruined his relationship, and his GF is verbally abusive to me because according to her im just a spoiled brat, and she told me that my dad hated me right in front of him, and he didnt say a word. I dont feel wanted here, and my counsoler wont get into a large argument with my dad, and insists to him I have "traits" of autism. I have a real life person to talk to. she is a parent of another AS kid
But I feel bad about leeching off of his mom
My own mother died last year.
My dad wont accept a diagnosis from child services because he doesnt trust their judgement

First in regards to your mother I am so sorry and sad for you, as for your dad if I could would kick him where it hurts, he needs to be there for you right now, where abouts do you live, not address just country wise as maybe I can help find you some more support...

well im in the US, the midwest actually
and today I feel NT, but its just like that. twomorrow ill be so disrupted itll be like common HFA. that is the only thing that makes me think maybe hes getting confused.
I am having the hardest time with school being out, and having no structure in my day at all. I am going to my grandparents cabin for a few days
that should help a bit
But I dont understand what he is feeling, I dont know if im even wanted around anymore
he is always asking me if I ever think about anyone but myself, but he is the one making me deal with a mean person to ensure his happiness. I told him I delt with lily for a year to make him happy, and he said he has delt with me for 16 years, and I still havent changed

Is there anyone else you can live with.Just leave and go there to them, and never go home again...and if they do call the police and the police find you, you can tell the police they abuse you emotionally and psychologically, and that you wish not to live with them.Press criminal charges against "Lily" for the abuse.

If you are 16 or 17, I think you can enlist in the military with parental consent.Im sure if they dont want you around, they will gladly sign the papers.Maybe what you need to do, is sign up for enlistment and have a recruiter visit them and you.If your parents pass you off as NT, you wont have a problem getting past military screening.

My grandfather's father was an a-hole...My grandfather lied about his age and joined the Canadian army.

Having just picked one of my husbands young troops up from jail last night, I don't think joining the military is a great idea if your having trouble with everyday life. But I do agree that you need to try your best to get the heck out of that house thers is no excuse for what your father is doing to you. Try talking to your grandparents while your with them even if they cannot have you live with them they might beable to speek to your father and get him to pull his head out of his behind.

I think it would be a shame for you to have to leave your home, when home is the comfort we all long for when we've lost someone close to us. Does your dad have Aspergers, or Aspergers traits? If he does, the transition concerning your mother's death could be very confusing for him as well. I think you both need guidance and support. I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time, and I'm very sorry for your loss. Best wishes, Sue.

sbwilson has a really good point: your dad may be undiagnosed AS, which will make him accepting your diagnosis all the more difficult. After all, the way you are is "normal" to him and his parents, and accepting that it is not would require a huge upset in every assumption they've made throughout their lives. He is going to rebel against that every step of the way.

Whether or not that is true, I think your dad loves you, but he is clueless. His whole world just collapsed, just as yours did (I am so, SO sorry), and all while having a teenager, which, shoot, no parent ever understands. Its hardwired for teens and parents to fail to understand each other; its a necessary step in the teen becoming their own person; but throw that on top of all each of you has been through and, well, it must be insanely difficult.

But understanding why the situation is as it is is only going to get you so far.

I would suggest you start by asking him if he is willing to do his own research on Aspergers. Find him some articles or books; point him to this forum. Let him start immersing himself in it in his own way and in his own time. Tell him that you accept he doesn't buy into the diagnosis, but since you don't know how to be the son he seems to need at the moment, you think a first step might be trying to get him to understand what the professionals see or believe they see.

The girlfriend. Sigh. She sounds selfish to me. She wants your dad but not an almost grown son, and she is going to try to drive a wedge in between you because that gets her what she wants. Don't let her. Don't play the game. Don't engage. Move into robot mode when she is around. Be the perfect child - yes ma'am, no ma'am, I'll be in my room doing my homework. Don't give her the opportunity to make you look bad. I know that will be so, SO hard; she has tools that you don't, but please try.

Just don't give up on your dad. Or on yourself. You are both emotionally scarred right now, and in need of something that neither of you is capable of supplying at the moment. Your dad thinks he has found an answer in this woman; he hasn't, but he'll have to figure that out on his own.

Don't be afraid of being a burden to your friend's mom; if I was that mom, I would want to be there for you; it wouldn't be a burden; it would be the only gift I could give someone I cared about in a difficult situaiton. I really care about my son's friends; if I could be a help to them, I would in a heartbeat. It's part of the mom instinct; something we need to do. Accept it, use it. Be grateful.

Take care.

I have this problem even now. . My dad is elderly and every time we have a row he calls me crazy or nuts, or says I'm OVER REACTING to everything. It makes me so angry and I have walked out a few times. He will not understand my issues at all. He is a very selfish man.

All I can suggest is that you distance yourself from your dad, and maybe leave some literature around regarding teenage Aspies and how things affect us. Maybe get a keyworker to come round and talk to your family ( I don't know what support you can get where you are). My life was hell as a teenager , I know I was difficult in my parents eyes. I was kicked on to the street by my dad and put myself into care. Just because we accept that we are aspie's and understand the problems, unfortunately doesn't mean everyone else accepts us. Some people will always say we are 'making it up' or 'over reacting and acting spoiled'. You just have to keep reminding them that it's not your fault it's because you have AS, and remind yourself that your dad is just really really ignorant or in denial. Feel sorry for him. That's what I do now. I feel sorry for my dad that he is so ignorant. It really helps.

well, my dad is definately not aspie at all, and they have always blamed my problems on my sister's drinking. my sister was my bio. mother, and my dad is my grandfather. the sister could be dead for all I know, and my dad is actually my bio grandfather who is actually not genetically related to us at all. but I am only exposed to his side of the family, and they like playing little social games it is horrible, and everyone talks about how odd I am.
its ok here, as long as I get lots of space, but it is basically self isolation, because im not tolerated, and I have to run all of my reserves dry just to pass as even close to normal, so I am really slipping into my own world

wow
I just found out he wants to press charges because I am "unruly"
this really sucks.

What would be the basis of that claim?

Do you have a social worker assigned to you? Can you ask your counselor to help you find an advocate? You need an adult who will stand up for you. One who understands the system and how to get around in it.

noone feels inclined to help me because I come off as narccasistic, and the only advocate I have is the mom of another aspie