new aspie parent with a few questions

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is it normal for some aspies to not be able to perform simple tasks such as tying shoes? it amazes me that he can do a rubix cube so quickly but still struggles to tie his shoes.
all and any info will be greatly appreciated in all areas
thanks
elisha

Sounds like my 13 year old.

He finally learned to tie this shoes this year. At school.

What type of info are you looking for?

BeeBee

im just looking for some advice on how to deal im frustrated right now on everything from discipline to diets everything is so confusing. i know ill learn whats best for him and myself but its hard right now and i was thinking sometimes the best advice comes from those who have been through it

Buy velcro.. yes I'm serious. I had alot of trouble with things like this but figured them out eventually. I still have to stare at a clock to tell the time.. took me years to get used to [a form of dislexia].
You might think shoe tieing is simple.. but the rubix cube may be a very simple to him and hard for you. The brain is a very complex thing.. I guess perhaps you should try let him 'guide' you to help him develop as he knows what his strengths are rather than comparing is capabilities to 'normal' children. Hope this makes sense.

My son is 13 and still is very slow at tying his shoes. He couldn't do it at all until very late. It's a very Aspie thing.

I agree with Riley - buy velcro.

Also, if you don't have a daily routine - written down and posted somewhere for him - consider doing that. It's really helpful.

For example, here's the after school routine and evening routine we have posted:

After School Routine
Take off shoes
Put shoes on shoerack
After-school snack
No online games before homework is finished.
Do Homework
Dinnertime: help mom set table

After Dinner Routine
No online games after 9pm
Lay out clothes
Shower and wash hair
Pack up backpack and Alphasmart

Bedtime Routine
Brush teeth
Change out of clothes –
put dirty clothes in hamper
Say goodnight to Mom and Alex.
Turn on nightlight, turn off room lights.
Sleep

I agree with Riley - buy velcro.

Also, if you don't have a daily routine - written down and posted somewhere for him - consider doing that. It's really helpful.

For example, here's the after school routine and evening routine we have posted:

After School Routine
Take off shoes
Put shoes on shoerack
After-school snack
No online games before homework is finished.
Do Homework
Dinnertime: help mom set table

After Dinner Routine
No online games after 9pm
Lay out clothes
Shower and wash hair
Pack up backpack and Alphasmart

Bedtime Routine
Brush teeth
Change out of clothes –
put dirty clothes in hamper
Say goodnight to Mom and Alex.
Turn on nightlight, turn off room lights.
Sleep

Velcrow works. So do those springie laces.

A written schedule is a must. Couldn't live without it.

thank you all very much for your support
the velcro sounds wonderful and i will try it
the schedule sounds like a plan and i will try that as well im dreading the tantrums he will have in between but im sure we'll manage
again thanks

I used to hate velcro (always seemed to stick to the wrong thing) but now I think of it as gods gift to parents!

Right after velcro comes routine, routine, routine. We have a big erasable calendar in the kitchen where everyone can write their activities, and ds can know when he does what and doesn't stress about what's next. If anything changes, he needs to know waaay in advance, and needs gentle but constant reminders - remember we're not going to the library saturday we're going to the planetarium - it might take 15-20 reminders to make the change go (fairly) smoothly.

Good luck!

im 34 and i still tie my fingers to my shoes.
and i have a degree, it is embarassing but i dont get cross it i sme.

i once bandaged a horses leg, and i bandaged my hand to the leg.
that was really embarassing.

so he is 13?
you got loads of time to get things right, it is a life long thing, you got time dont be so anxious you seem anxious to me.......i mean this as an observation not a critisicm, take you rtime and in time you will be aware of aspiness good and bad attributes...good luck.

he's 7 and i know it will be a long haul im a bit anxious because this has all come upon me rather quickly. i have been through alot with my son meds, therepy mis dx's and the like now that im aware and im learning more i feel overwhelmed and anxious to get the ball rolling so that my son has the best i can give him. I appreciate your observation and hope i can get myself together and understand but at the same time i feel if i seem anxious to you then maybe now i should think that i may be causing my son frustration. i may seem to be rushing and i know this will be a life long learning experience both for him and i but this is alot to take in at once.

Last edited by elisha on 18 Jul 2006, 2:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

ok sorry i get numbers mixed up too.....
7 is even better.....evevn more time. get a difital watch, easier to read

I am learning the whole concept of "pick your battles wisely"

There is nothing wrong w/velcro shoes, digital clocks, or anything else that makes life easier!

Lol yep sounds like me, I also can't ride a bike at all (though I can tie my shoes now.)

my son cried the day we went to get new sneakers and they didn't have any velcro ones in his size........now he just keeps them tied and squeezes his foot into them.
try to relax...your son is still your son. regardless of what his dx is, you have an obligation to try and do what's best for him.as with all children, some days will be exasperating....some days will make you cry with tears of joy. i try really hard to take every day one day at a time~ it can be so overwhelming....things do get better, and as the rest of the folks said~ schedules and routines are your friend...once we had a schedule in place, son's tantrums lessened tremendously~ although, things do become difficult when plans have to change unexpectedly.when plans change, we try to give son as much notice as is possible....sometimes, we've had to forgo activities altogether because son just couldn't pull it together.better to be home with a never-ending tantrum than out in public.