Her First Car Wreck

Post Reply New Topic

My aspie daughter had her first car wreck yesterday, no one hurt, it was the other person's fault. I was able to get to her soon after the police were done their report and both cars driven out of the middle of the road.

Helped her calm down, make contact with the insurance company, all that. Alot of anger, yes the other driver made a bad move, but also expressing anger at the world, God. She cried, she vented, as we hung out together waiting for the Collision fix it guy to assess things. One line of venting I really didn't understand, wishing she (my daughter) had gotten hurt so the dumb driver would be in more trouble, would feel worse.

Any insights, comments from my friends here on the wrong planet?

Yes, I think it has to do with people actually SEEING how she's hurt. For instance, several times, on here, people have said that it's easier for others to SEE disability, when someone is in a wheelchair----there's no QUESTION that they're disabled; whereas, with an Aspie, no one can SEE our disability. I mean, obviously, someone could see if we bang our head, or whatever----but, people don't understand that. People understand "wheelchair = disability".

I feel it's the same with this incident. When she was hurting, angry, etc., if she had been PHYSICALLY hurt, she could say: "See, there's proof, that he hurt me!"

It reminds me of the kid who got slighted and cries because the other child didn't get punished--or didn't get punished enough. It's a less mature understanding of morality, in my opinion. But, she's young.

Help her see it was "an accident". Unless the driver was drunk or otherwise that level of irresponsible, people really do make mistakes all the time. One day it might be her making the poor choice and causing a car accident. No one's perfect.

Some people on the spectrum, IMO, are very sensitive to justice and injustice. She may feel it is unjust that he did not get into more trouble, and her need for justice or balance (or however she may see it) may be strong enough to overrule her initial logic. Keep in mind that the accident was still fresh when she said it and that she may not have processed through the emotions enough to look at the situation logically. Logically, she most likely doesn't wish she would have been more injured, but she wasn't speaking from a place of logic. I think there could possibly also be a smidge of "I didn't do anything wrong, but I am suffering consequences due to someone else's behavior," which I think can also be difficult for many Aspies. She may be seeking a sense of balance by making sure the other person suffered equal, or maybe even more, consequences. If this is the case, of course she is not thinking through it and seeing that her consequences would be more, too, as she would be injured. But, again, I don't think this is coming from a point of logic.

I, personally, would stress that the most important thing was that no one was seriously hurt. I would also point out that the other driver is probably experiencing emotional distress the same way she is. No one walks away from an accident without being shaken up.

I thank all of you for your insights. Somehow this ended up being two different threads, same original post, same title, but its here twice.

When the police report came out, the police officer blamed my daughter for inattention. That didn't go over to well with her either. But she wasn't hurt, didn't get a ticket and after some inconvenience while her car was being repaired, life goes on.