Construction is ruining our lives

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That might be extreme, but right now, that's how it feels.
There is construction happening right by our house. Normally we turn right from our driveway, now we are turning left to avoid it (there's no way to go our normal way).

This is tearing my son apart. He is heavily dependent on routes staying the same. He takes the school bus to school, and he has been temporarily kicked off while the construction because they can't handle his screaming when the bus goes the "wrong" way. As soon as we leave the house, he starts screaming and crying. They are sending him home from school too once he's there because he doesn't calm down. He's spending the majority of the day in meltdown-mode because it takes him so long to recover- to avoid it, we would just have to not leave the house. I think he's going to skip OT tomorrow so we don't have to leave, but that will also be a break in routine, so he'll probably still scream tomorrow. It can take him 4-5 hours to get over this one tiny change. It's crazy. I think it is such a big deal maybe because it's close to his house? His home is his safe place, and I think if this happened somewhere else on the route, it wouldn't be quite so devastating (although he would still be upset).

We thought maybe if we took him to school on a bicycle, and we said bicycles always go this way, he might be ok, but that didn't work. We are having to drive him because he won't go willingly that way. He tries to go the other way if he's on foot. This construction is scheduled to go until OCTOBER. He'll get used to it eventually, right? Right? RIGHT??? I'm sick of the screaming. I drew him a map to look at when he goes to school, we have talked about construction, and gone to look at the construction.

To look on the bright side, he did start saying "This way" as a result of this!

Anyway, do you have any suggestions? 'm at my wits' end. Maybe if there was a way to get him to not take so long to calm down?

Sorry this is happening. I know it can't be this easy.....but is there any chance that the noise of the construction is agitating him and you could use earplugs? Just a thought.

And a question, is he verbal enough for a social story that explains what construction is about and that it ends? Or to work with you looking at a map, or Google Earth at routes that you will follow before you go?

For calming down, it depends what he likes but swings can be amazing. If he likes to swing you can find one, the nets and cocooning fabric are especially good. His OT might have more specific directions.

Is the construction completely blocking the road, or could he actually go on foot past it? If so, can you park the car past the construction to the right, and drive from the point the road is clear?

Social story?

Or, well, the concept...a handmade book with pictures talking about what to expect and why and how it will still be okay.

That is brilliant!

Thanks for the replies. The road is completely blocked off with a fence- you can't walk down there. Going around on foot is a really good idea though, thanks Fitzi. So far, they have just been taking down the street lights and stuff so it hasn't been very loud, but it's going to get very loud soon...I am very concerned about the volume in the future. :/

I wasn't really sure about how to write a social story about this, but I will try. What would you write in it? I've made them before but usually for semi-social things, like going to school, going to the doctor, etc..

We have two swings, one outdoors and one indoors- he loves swinging. I showed him google maps before, because he kind of likes maps, but I worry that if I show it to him now, he'll be confused because it doesn't show the construction. The road is going to look completely different when they're done- I wonder how he'll react...

I talked to one of the construction workers down there when I brought him to look at it and see that the road is truly blocked- and that guy told me he has an autistic daughter! It's not really amazing considering the rate of autism, but it was still cool. He was good with my son (even though my son just screamed "GOODBYE" at him...LOL). He said he's going to ask if he can get a picture of how the different stages of the construction are supposed to look (because they make computer models beforehand), so I can show him in advance. That'll be helpful if he does.

I also figured out another thing that might be bothering him: they took down the stop sign. He's obsessed with stop signs right now, so I don't know why I didn't think of that before.

Maybe I'd write something like

Sometimes buildings need repairs. When that happens, I may see (pictures he helps select of construction going on).

I may feel scared when things change. I can ask my mom what's happening. We can find out from a construction worker (photo perhaps?) what they will do today (maybe even create a routine of drawing or taking a picture as you go by Each day if he'd like to?)

The building may look different and the workers may use machines that make strange sounds. I can use earplugs/headphones if it bothers me. I can watch a video/look at a book/close my eyes (fill in something appropriate) when we go past if I don't want to see. [I am smart/curious and I can draw a picture of what's new today as I go by?]

Soon the workers will finish and there will be a new beautiful ____.

Sometimes I feel uneasy and don't like things changing. My mom can help me find out what is happening and we can plan for it and I am even learning about how buildings are made!(picture of child with paper with star on it?)

That's my general idea anyway. Of course adjusting for what he may be feeling, or worried about, and what might reassure him or make him feel in control.

And for the stop sign issue maybe find out what they will do, will it be back, or will there be a light. And maybe a section in the story "sometimes workers need to move signs to do there jobs safely. At our worksite, the workers hold stopsigns up to direct traffic. This is safe because the drivers/cars know to watch for directions when they see the sign saying construction zone.etc.

Hope you come up with something you can use!!

Thanks, that's really helpful!

Glad it helped, good luck with this!

No advice, just something to think about: it's actually a good thing if routines get messed up, especially in ways you can't control. While I'm sure what you are going through is horrific, and it's no fun for your son, either, in the long run he needs to know that things are not always fixed. In the real world, at some point you would have to do this by varying his routine; in some ways it's better when the world does it for you because it's more real.

I'm so sorry; I hope you find something that works and that this is over quickly for you!

That's a good way of looking at it. Nice positive spin.

Ah yes, every autistic child needs to learn to deal with change because there will come times when a change will happen and you can't control it. Eg. TV show getting cancelled, TV schedule change, power going out, weather, schools closing without notice, a road closing, train breaking down or car or bus.

But as a parent it's hard to deal with the crying and the screaming so that is why we all pick our battles, especially with an autistic child but their cries and screams would be ten times worse if they last hours of the day. But thank goodness it's only screaming than being beaten on or having your whole house torn apart. I would take the screaming over the violence if I had to choose.

LOL, (well, it wasn't funny at the time) this reminds me of 9/11 - my son was a toddler, but he was already dependent on his TV routine (and we did not know anything about the autism spectrum, much les his connection to it)

There were DAYS of nothing but emergency coverage, during which my son would freak out at the time one of his shows was supposed to be on (he also freaked out during the annual fundraisers.) I felt so horrible because living with constant meltdowns - especially not knowing why they were so extreme - was truly awful, but at the same time I felt like such a whiner because it seemed so insignificant compared to what was actually happening in the world (which, honestly, it was, but that spoke more to the magnitude of the event than what was happening in my home.)

The noise could be bothering him as well
1. Maybe find a video and books on construction jobs, check Netflix and library
2. Maybe also make a little story about how different people can go different ways to the same place
3. Is there some kind of calming toy he can do or have in the car? What calms him at home

I know that eventually everyone has to learn how to deal with change, but I found with my son that there were times and places to learn each skill, and there was no point at all in forcing an issue when the time wasn't right. That tended to throw things two steps back.

If you have one understanding construction worker, maybe it could be arranged for your son to be able to walk through the site as needed? Construction hat on, of course. Or maybe the company can help figure something else out; they are, after all, the ones who created the issue.

I am a believer in honoring these needs until the child is ready himself to get past them but that, of course, depends on exactly what can be done.

Thanks again everyone.
Momsparky: That sounds very similar to this situation. Did you find that having his regular TV schedule thrown off make him less rigid about it later on?

DW_a_mom: Thanks and I agree that changes work best when he is ready to handle them. There are going to be times when there is literally no way around it though. I will see about getting special permission to walk through. I'm not normally the kind of person who has the guts to do that, but that in itself will be a change for my son. I do worry a bit about him getting set back by this. It is throwing other things off in his life which are also routine so the whole thing has a snowball effect. They have been working all year on his entrance into school being calm (at the beginning of the year, he'd get off the bus and need 45 minutes to transition into the classroom) and he is finally down to 10 minutes...but with this construction he's back to taking ages to calm down. Hopefully it's not permanent! Ahh

Our favourite construction worker did follow through and we have pictures! I have the story ready to be laminated tonight. Hopefully that helps.