Advice for parent of an AS on a destructive path

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First I will list some background;

My stepson is diagnosed AS and is a junior in high school. He has identified himself as a "gangsta" and is currently on probation for starting a fire at school. He has been arrested before for grand theft, possession of illegal weapons, and attempted assault with a deadly weapon.

He is not allowed to dress gangsta, do drugs, or possess weapons at home. But, I recently confiscated a homemade knife from his room along with some a colored bandanna of his gang color. (All other knives and hazardous chemicals are kept under lock and key because of years of suicide and death threats.)

The probation officer is useless, all he can do is send my stepson back to juvenile hall.

All of last year my stepson did little schoolwork and no homework. My stepson has stated since becoming a criminal he has friends now and is tired of being "a nerdy white kid." He currently has a 1.2 GPA. He refuses to do classwork, and sees no need to go to school other than socialization.

My question is there any advice that can put my stepson on the right track, at this point it looks like he will drop out or be kicked out of high school and have little hope for a future.

I couldn't begin to give you any advice on how to help someone so determined not to be helped, but I would recommend you have him reevaluated, because none of that sounds even remotely like Asperger Syndrome. He sounds like the Anti-Aspie. Not that we aren't capable of being difficult or having angry meltdowns, but "no need to go to school other than socialization"? If that were the only purpose in going to school, I would never have gone in the first place. AS could almost be cross-referenced in the encyclopedia with 'Nerdy White Kid.' Geeksta, Dawg.

People with autism have processing issues when it comes to reading human nonverbal cues, meaning we don't think fast on our feet or read other people well. We also tend to be socially naive and easily overwhelmed by incoming sensory stimuli. A 'street' kind of lifestyle would be virtually impossible to navigate without getting killed, not to mention being constantly bullied and taken advantage of.

i agree with willard he doesn't sound like as or he does a very good job of covering it up. thats a tough path to go down. he may have to learn that the hard way. have you tried discussing the consequences with him?

The whole gangsta thing seems an ill fit for an Aspie, but it is the case.

I suppose the gangster behavior is is an attempt to appear normal to a subset of school life.

But, yes the awkwardness, poor social communication, inability to read social cues, etc. are all present.

A few years ago, he wanted to be a brain surgeon. But, by and by he got angry with some girls chased them with a knife, threatened to kill them, stabbed up furniture, etc. And went to juvenile hall, later he appeared to like the attention given to him at school from this and the gangster stuff started.

I have tried discussing consequences, but it appears that I am not someone worth listening to.

He has little fear of being stopped by the police and searched for drugs or weapons. As he has told me, looking like a gangster and failing school "are not crimes" and the prospect of going back to juvie is not a concern of his. He seems to like juvenile hall, it is quiet there.

He has received little more than a slap on the wrist for previous legal offenses.

My fear is that someday he will decide to attend college; but poor study habits, lack of a high school diploma, and a criminal history will prevent this. A secondary fear is that identifying as a gangster and carrying weapons is not a good idea for someone with anger management issues.

He's trying to be something he is not. He is trying to fit in. Guess what they will sell him down the river.

Not only that, but tell him what other criminals in jail like to 'do' with guys like him. It invariably ends up involving rape or strong coercion.

And I must add, would he enjoy being with a cellmate who likes to smear feces all over the walls just to annoy the guards? Because that is another activity he's going to get an eyeful of.

While it seems to be an exceedingly rare thing, I think that it's not totally out of order to consider the notion of "wayward" aspies; I was one myself, but not to this degree (skipping school to isolate and an accomplice to some minor crimes ), and I'm diagnosed mild AS. Really, I'm not totally convinced that I have it at all, but that's another story entirely.

This is going to sound harsh, but have you considered having him institutionalized, if only briefly? You need to divorce him from the cancerous social environment he partakes in, and his history of diagnosed AS and threats of self-harm may allow for this. Sorry, I know it's brutal, but I think it's something to ruminate on nevertheless. I know that when I was free of my negative social attachments that I excelled, it was like I'd been living life with blinders on.

Don't give him any inkling of what you plan to do about him, whatever you decide, as he may take off from home if he suspects anything. If you are able to get him specialized care, I suggest that you cancel his enrolment at this school - were I you I'd probably move several states' away in addition - get the names of the boys or girls he associates with and, if the matter necessitates it, get in contact with their parents and tell them of your son's AS and why he acts as he does and must be cautious of what influences he exposes himself to. Hopefully they can empathize with you and agree to keep their children away from your son; perhaps then he can be reasoned with. I hope you can get through to him. Good luck.

Is he taking meds? I was suddenly reminded of a story that sounded similar to yours. Here's the link:

>>Article<<

This thread has been helpful to some degree already. Thank you.

We lack the funds to send him to a school that specializes in AS, so our only two options are the high school that has a bad element, or send him to a school that is nothing but the bad element.

Lacking funds, I don't think we have a lot of options for therapy, counseling, etc.

Most of the time he appears to be a good kid. A geometry book actually came home today, and it's been about a year since that's happened, so there is hope.

He is taking no prescribed meds at this time.

He was prescribed Risperdal two years ago. It was horrible stuff, and he refuses to ever take it again and I don't blame him.

In the last six months or so, he has a better grasp on controlling anger, but at the same time there has been the gang activity. Not "real" gang activity, but some obsession with wearing certain colors, bandannas, hats, writing his gang symbols and script and of course carrying weapons and hanging out with a a few rough kids.

Another suggestion from an NT in my household: See if he is receptive to the idea of discussing his issues with others who are on the Spectrum, as he may very likely have difficulty communicating his feelings to any who aren't AS. I'm not sure of his age (16-18?) and I'm no psychologist (will undertake the study of it at some point, I'm sure), but perhaps some of the extreme behaviour is something that may be attributed to puberty, perhaps there is a chemical imbalance of some kind that is impairing his judgement or perception.

I'm not sure whether or not people with AS are susceptible to experiencing puberty to lesser or greater extents, however, I should think that given the neurological makeup of AS that it would make us so; but, again, I'm neither a neurologist nor a psychologist, so it's purely conjecture on my part. Whatever you do, don't give up on him, and if you feel that you need to take drastic action, do so cautiously, or you run the risk of alienating him from yourself and family, which would be catastrophic.

I felt incredibly bad for recommending that he be institutionalized; I feel that I over-stepped my bounds in that regard. I apologize. At any rate, does he know of WP? If so, was he a regular on these forums, or was he dismissive of them? If the answer is "no", then he has a strong community right here on WP that could also provide him with support. I've only been a member here for a few days and have already learned a good deal about AS, and even found some intelligent and thought-provoking topics of interest that allow me to better make sense of my own placement on the Spectrum, as difficult to define as it is. Again, good luck, and stay strong in the face of things, I'm sure he'll come around .

I was in a similar situation, when I was in the 8th grade I got tired of being picked on as the "nerdy white kid" and adopted "playing dumb" as a social skill, got in fights, etc. This lasted for about two years, and in my case it was a religious conversion that stopped it.

Do you have a family member willing to homeschool him? My parents considered it and decided not to, but think it could have helped me (I was undiagnosed.)