I feel current services for children with AS are misguided

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After much consideration, I feel current services for children with AS are misguided and insufficient. Most school based services are not centered around the child's best interest, but forcing the child to adhere to various laws and regulations.

Programs for children with Asperger's Syndrome should focus on nurturing the child's innate potential, and should allow the child to pursue their special interests and explorer how to turn them into productive endeavors. Programs should also put a large emphasis on teaching proper socialization, and preparing the child for life as an adult.

Forcing the child to sit at a desk and do another ditto on a subject that is largely irrelevant and does not benefit them, while three aids stand by to restrain the child in impending stress induced meltdowns is not beneficial to the child, and in fact, I would go so far as to say it's very damaging and constitutes child abuse.

I would think that being able to sit at a desk and focus on an uninteresting task is a pretty crucial life skill.

eww why? that is the sad part.......I can think of a number of more useful things one could do, not to mention not everyone is going to get an office job.

I agree, sitting down in a chair and not moving all day is tough. But that is a skill that can be used later on a job.

Sometimes you have to do things that you just don't like doing so that you can survive in the world.
But more often you have to do things that aren't fun to get to the things that are fun.
It's one of the unfair things about life.

Even doing some of the things I love involves parts that I don't like.
For example, I love music. I love making music. But the process of learning to play the piano is often long and boring.
That's why a lot of people start taking lessons but never really learn how to play the piano...

Ellingtonia and greenmamma, I totally agree. The challenge is trying to get our children to understand and comply.

Well maybe so but should life be about doing things you don't like to survive? Forcing someone into a box they don't fit in which is what the education system and society itself tries to do does not work very well. There will always be those who wont fit no matter how hard you push them to just be normal.......and suck it up and spend most of your time doing things you hate just so you can be a success in other peoples eyes.

I think it would be better if we had schools that focused more on individual skills the student has and strengthening those, not trying to force everyone to conform to the norm.......in my experiance some schools don't care about bullying because well at least the bullies do their part to try and keep those weirdos in line by pressuring them to be more normal via picking on them or ostracizing. So I suppose I see where the OP is going and get it, and as usual I see the same old. Well you have to do things you don't like.......cool of course, but there has to be a limit on that at least its healthier if one also has time for what they do like. I mean I didn't like school and I probably would have been better off not being forced there every day as the bullying only messed me up mentally more so than I already was.

So its all about compliance and obedience then with no focus on quality of life, I mean this is a forum for autistic people, autism effects functioning..........autistic kids don't function like neurotypical kids and it seems the both of you just want to throw that all out the window and pretend its all about compliance........why should a kid comply or make an effort to understand if no one makes an effort to understand them, their wants, their needs, their fears ect? I mean what is it you suggest they understand 'obey and make your best effort to fit in or else'? sorry if I am misunderstanding I suppose I just find the responses so far a bit harsh when the OP only seems to be expressing a concern they have........so I am not understanding the harshness here.

You know, a lot of people feel this way about schools in general, regardless of kids with ASD's.

Life is not easy, it is hard. If you has ASD, it's even harder. As much as we would love for it to be peaches and creame, it's not. I intend to teach my son this. He does not have to be like everyone else, I am not saying that, but he needs to know what to do to be as self reliant as possible. I have no intension of painting a picture for him of some utopia that does not exist. I plan to teach him that if he wants to do what makes him happy, go fo it, but he needs to understand that for him to get to that point, he will have to do A LOT of things that do not make him happy. It's part of being an adult.

I would love to sit in my house and be with my kids everyday, but I have to wake up my exhausted body, tend to my little ones needs, deal with the misery of traveling by 1 bus and 2 trains to go to an office and work for people who couldn't care less if I am happy, sad or even dead (talking about senior management here). Do I want to do this, NO, but my family needs somewhere to live and they need to eat. One day I will be dead and my son will either figure out how to do this on his own, or depend on the government. Well, I will take my chances with teaching him what he needs to do to survive.

I don't have suffient time right now to make a reply I'd like to, but I will say that I agree with you and other people who have replied to this post.

There's no reason for AS kids to sit 100% of the time sitting at a desk at school. On the other hand, life, sometimes, is about doing things you don't WANT to do.

What we kind of have to think about in this situation is what are our kids really taking from the lessons they are being given at school? With my brother I don't think he takes a lot from certain lessons because, frankly, he doesn't care. He does, however, retain the information for a period of time so that he can pass his classes. Do I really think that he's going to use history lessons in his future? No. Do I think he's going to use bible lessons in his future? No. Science? No. Math? Yes. So this is the one thing we focus on. So what could they be doing differently in his math class to help him understand it better. Make it relate to the things he does like. In these aspects I agree with you. But again.... he HAS to do well in the other classes to succeed at what he's expected to do at this age.

I guess over time we could completely change the educational system, but I don't think so, and that's why I have Taylor in private school, and they're willing to do anything and everything to accomidate his needs, which is a blessing.

Why don't you take a look at Montrassori school? Your mindset tends to focus towards how they teach.

I will caution though; learning to follow rules and such are important things to learn. If you want your child to be successful, and I know you do, he/she is going to have suffer through the rules.

When they get a job, you can't just say "I'm bored with this" and leave to go do a special interest. You can't leave a meeting either, and you have to be focused on what your working on.

These are life skills that may SUCK but without them, your child may be at a marked disadvantage when they go into the job market.

It would be nice though if public education could better tap those special interests in addition to the rules and such.

I hope I am maybe just overly depressed today and its more likely you want to teach your kid the good and the bad of the world and help him cope as best as possible. I guess I'd just hope you would be supportive even if he can't reach the level of functioning necessarily to be totally independent.

Just keep in mind even people who need government help are still human beings and should be treated as such.

Ok I have a feeling some of you are confusing want with actual distress...I mean not wanting to do something is a bit different than being distressed by it or otherwise unable. I mean one thing is a kid not wanting to sit still because they want to go play, of course they need to learn that sometimes they need to deal with things they don't totally want to do. But what if that kid cannot sit still because they are too anxious and fidgety for instance? then its probably not so much about them not 'wanting' to sit there its probably feeling unable to sit there or severely uncomfortable. So then its a matter of what coping skills can they maybe learn to help like sometimes having a comfort object to fidget with will help them tolerate sitting still for a while...otherwise what accommodations should be made. That is just one example though and maybe not the best but hopefully it was kinda clear.

I think the OP was suggesting we should not try and force AS kids into constant discomfort and/or distress in an attempt to desensitize them to it so they'll just toughen up and get over their problems...not that we should let them do whatever they want whenever they want.

I understand what you are saying. It is a difference in autism behavior and just bad behavior that you are referring to.
I grew up before AS was a possible diagnosis. As an adult I see no reason to pursue an official diagnosis because it would only make my insurance rates go up, and I have lived my life through to retirement so no point. I can say that I score as very likely AS on every on every online test I've taken. My son has some symptoms of Autism and we are seeing about that for him.

That said, I was fortunate enough to have parents who were patient and understanding. They both had AS traits. And they coached me through a lot of my difficulties. My mother sewed satin and fringe into all of my pockets so I could play with it while sitting at school. I had a lot of trouble sitting still but strings in my pockets helped me. She was so smart. And my dad put plastic tubing on the ends of all my pencils because I chewed them and it protected the pencils. I still chew plastic pen caps.

When I was an adult, my full time job often required me to sit at a desk and talk to people. I loved my job even though I didn't like sitting at my desk and sometimes talking to people was hard for me. I used white sculpy clay to fidget while interviewing people. I was a forensic artist. And if I am required to sit for a long time now, I still have a ball of clay and some stress putty that I take with me.

So yes I see what you mean now. Just holding a child in place doesn't teach them anything. Children need to be taught to cope. Just holding me down would have gotten a very violent reaction from me. But I still think that being able to sit is a necessary skill, even if you do need a fidget.

Alright that makes sense...but yeah when I was a child I really didn't have much of an issue with sitting in class and stuff, and at home I sat in my room and read a lot though sometimes I liked to read outside. I did fidget some like even if I was reading I did that with the pages. But apparently I more appeared to be just sitting and staring in class so they sometimes thought I wasn't paying attention, and I admit sometimes my mind did wander when I had taken in the information and gotten bored, but then also said it didn't make sense because I was still doing well enough on the tests and assignments. I remember specifically having a teacher talk to my mom about that during a conference.

But now I know how it is not to be able to sit still very long, not sure if its just my worse anxiety or the ptsd but yeah its hard to stay focused on anything too long, or even if I am trying to focus on something I am too anxious so it interferes and then I get frustrated with whatever I'm doing. I remember thinking a few times as a child 'I have no idea what I would do if I didn't get so intently focused on things like I do.' and well I have no idea what to do.

I can see both sides of this argument but I had to pipe in here and say that I have come to REALLY LOATHE that word "comply" (no offense intended MomofThree). It simply makes my skin crawl. Every time I hear it now I have this vision of a big fat nun whacking a young boy across the knuckles with a ruler. (Sorry if that is TMI ). I no longer want to hear from any teacher or administrator about how my son should "comply". I would like him to learn to participate in classroom activities on a somewhat regular basis and I would like for him to learn the skills necessary for him to be able to participate but I no longer want him to comply. I think Chronos is hitting on the same topic that Ross Greene does in Lost at School. Teachers keep going at these ASD students trying to MOTIVATE them to COMPLY. Motivation is NOT what most of these kids lack. The problem is lagging skills that need to be brought up speed. It takes a very different mindset to throw away the whole "carrot and stick" routine and work with these kids on a different level.