Reconsidering if all 4 kids are NT

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I've pretty much assumed that all four of my kids are NT. They don't have social problems, or any of the problems I had when I was young, so it's a common assumption.

My youngest son (17) is completely deaf in one ear and didn't talk until he was 3. He does horribly in school but he's very popular and has lots of friends and a very normal and active social life. He's also outspoken. He has ADHD and has been on Vyvanse for a while and it helps with the ADHD but I've started noticing a few other symptoms that I have as well, and while I know they could be caused by other things, I wonder if he has AS also.

He cannot handle any frustration at all (ADHD symptom as well) but he takes it personally. He obsesses over anything he thinks is unfair and things are black and white to him. When he gets mad at someone or feels hurt or used or rejected by them, they are the worst person in the world to him, from then on. He takes things way too far, like today when he was going out to put up campaign signs for his friends dad and he was about to put on his new shoes and I suggested he wear the old ones, he sighed a dramatic sigh and said "Well I WANTED to wear these, but OK" and I said "It was only a suggestion, you can wear whatever you want to" and for ten minutes he mumbled about "Nooooooo, you SAID for me to wear the old ones so I'll WEAR the old ones" etc etc etc. While we were waiting for the backordered shoes to come in the mail last week that is all he talked about. Constantly. Of course these could be symptoms of lots of things, but considering that I have AS, I'm thinking that it may be AS related too.

He's very funny about sensory things and his bed must be made EXACTLY the way he wants or he strips it and mumbles and complains while he remakes it. Food must be exactly how he wants it or he won't eat and he's a very picky eater. He can't stand tags in his clothes and I have to remove them with the seam ripper instead of cutting them out (I'm like that too though), and socks with seams inside "hurt" him. However some normal things don't hurt him at all. Today he wanted his ears pierced again so he bought two new earrings and just shoved them through where the holes had grown up a few years ago. Then he put alcohol on them.

Taking him for any kind of assessment is out of the question. He won't even talk to a therapist. He says it's "none of their business" what he feels or thinks, unless he wants them to know or it involves them. He's pretty hardcore about taking life as it comes too. He could get his ear fixed with an implant and hear normally, but he refuses. He says it would be just too loud and if he ever goes deaf in the other one for some reason, then he will get that one fixed.

Opinions? I've really only been considering AS with him for about a year, maybe less. Also, remember that he will be 18 in March and he's pretty much grown so I really can't force him to do anything.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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NT means neurologically typical, so a person with ADHD is not an NT. Asperger's and ADHD are comorbid, so it's very likely that your son has AS as well.

OliveOilMom, Heidi80 has more or less said what was in my mind. ADHD is so closely related to ASD, that I would not say your child was NT anyway. I'm not sure if that is actually correct (not actually knowing what the criteria for NT is - it's not a medical term anyway).

My daughter has just been diagnosed with Aspergers, but I would not have been surprised had she received a diagnosis of ADHD instead, or as well as. I don't have a diagnosis, but tick all the boxes for inattentive ADHD and have some AS traits too, but as far as I can tell, it's all part and parcel of the one thing, with no dividing line. My friend has 2 boys, one has AS, one is NT and her sister's daughter has ADHD. If I compare my AS daughter with her AS friend and his ADHD cousin, she's actually somewhere between the other 2, with concentration difficulties that are just as profound as the ADHD girl. Maybe she does have ADHD, as a separate issue (although there was no mention of this at our result meeting), but all her issues, including the hyperactivity and inattention, were able to be accounted for with a diagnosis of AS.

It is hard to say because clinicians might consider these symptoms by themselves as clinically insignificant. You can have ADD and have AS tendencies or not. The deafness issue would make things hard to diagnose too.

I have a nephew who had constant ear infections during the formative language years and his speech is very behind. He also has some autistic tendencies, which they are watching, but it is harder to diagnose, I think because a lot of what is going on overlaps with hearing issues, even vestibular problems, etc.

Since he is not interested in a diagnosis, almost an adult, and is happy as he is, I would just keep an eye out, and if he wants help, maybe adjust your advice according to the things you see in him. Advice is best tailored for the individual, anyway, labeled or not.

If his AS symptoms started a few years ago, then it's not AS and it's other things unless you never took notice as you said. You say he is sociable, does he have good social skills, can he read people or read between the lines or understand their intentions? it's possible to have AS symptoms and lack the poor social skills part so that would make them not aspie.

I think it is quite possible to overlook or to "normalize" a certain number of behaviours in children on the spectrum when a parent or siblings also exhibit them to a lesser degree. I grew up in a supposedly NT family where many of our common behaviours would have probably led to an ASD dx in some of us. The same is true of my children; only one has been dx but it often seems to me that her way of thinking and dealing with the world are the same as the others', just farther along the continuum. Certainly, a lot of the things I learned by parenting the others helped me with her, and prevented us all from looking for a dx until late in her childhood. We might just as easily have considered her increase in social and organizational problems as an onset of problems due to the stress of middle school.
J.

He sounds like a combo of my two, and although daughter is the only one with an ASD dx, I do not consider either of them NT. Son has ADHD and NVLD. I noticed that a lot of my son's issues became more apparent after he started stimulant medications. I want to be clear that I am not saying the meds caused his symptoms, its just that they were hidden under his extreme ADHD symptoms. Once his intrusiveness, impulsivity and hyperactivity were brought down, I noticed a lot of other things that--looking back I recognized to have always been there--but were kind of overshadowed by the "largeness" of his unmedicated ADHD.

I've never thought of ADHD kids as not being NT's. If that were true then over half the kids that I know aren't NT. ADHD is dx'd here like head lice in 3rd graders. "You seem like it, here take this".

The biggest problem he seems to have, which is one I have, and that's overreacting to things and just extreme anger issues over minor things. I've learned to control mine usually and he's trying, but I'm more patient with him than others because I know exactly what it's like.

School seems to push a lot of his buttons, and I'm sure this is his last year. He's turning 18 in March and he's still in the 9th grade. He has no problem learning or doing the work, he just has no interest in it and it's been impossible to make him do it for the past few years. Grounding never worked, he would out last us with that. He's stayed rounded for a couple of months and still wouldn't do what we wanted. Oddly enough, he minds very well otherwise. He's polite and considerate too.

We talked about just quitting school and going to the GED classes like his brother did, but he wanted to give it one more try. I think he just wanted to hang out with his friends and argue with the teachers, which is really all he does in school. He's said if he gets mad enough he will quit and enroll at the GED classes.

The thing that makes me doubt the AS is that he's so social and outgoing and very good at reading people and reacting the right way. Then again, that could be something he learned from his siblings, becase my kids were always close and I always made them include their brothers and sisters in what they did. That made for some hellacious fights when they were little but now they are all best friends, except for my oldest who hates my oldest daughter because his baby mama hates her. That's another thread though, lol.

I do kind of think getting a job will help him more than anything. He does do work thats offered here and there, helping friends out moving stuff or cutting trees, or painting, etc. He also stocks stuff at this store that his best friends brother owns, so he likes getting his own money and is usually cooperative with the people he's working for. Cash seems to have more of an influence than good grades. My husband and my oldest do construction and I'm hoping one of them can get him on at work with them. I know he was complaining today about "all those little kids" in his class. He said it's like babysitting but not getting paid.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

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