First Time

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Those with a child (Children) what was it like holding them the first time?
What were your exact thoughts and feelings?

I imagine most people will tell you about all the magical stuff...and all of it really does happen. Time seems to momentarily stop as you stare into this little face who shares your DNA. It is really awesome.

But I will also tell you a part that no one told me--and I felt bad about it until I was later told that it was not an uncommon occurrence.

I did not think my children looked like angels--or even cute--when they first came out. Actually, for the first couple of months I didn't actually find them attractive. I mean, I loved them with an intensity I wouldn't have been able to understand previously, but I didn't think they were cute. I felt bad about this with my son because I thought I must be some kind of freak because everyone else always seemed to ooh and awe about how cute their newborns were. I am glad I knew that this was normal for some people by the time my daughter was born because she was even less attractive than my son when she first came out! LOL!

I don't know if they just grew on me, or if they are now the most ridiculously beautiful children ever born on earth <wink>!

Oh, another thing...I was seriously convinced I would break their arms or dislocate their shoulders while dressing and undressing them. They seemed so tiny and fragile. As it turns out, they are quite resilient, so if you find yourself feeling like you have monstrous hands that lack even the remotest amount of coordination...never fear! You won't break them!

Are you having a baby soon? Or just curious?

Newborns are kind of funny looking, I admit. I thought so when I first saw my baby brother.

well inthistogether
did Time seem to momentarily stop as you stared into that little face that shares your DNA?
did you get this warm happy feeling or something like that?

Yes. Even though I didn't find them physically attractive, I did feel connected to them. Though I wonder if this might be different for men. I already "knew" them for their entire gestation. And I do think that the relief of finally having the pregnancy over and the neurochemical response to the end of the birthing process probably added to a mildly euphoric feeling. I can also say the feeling grows significantly. I found it picking up once the baby starts responding to it's environment. In the first few weeks it can seem simply overwhelming at times. You are not getting enough sleep and you don't get any "positive feedback" from the baby.

Not everyone feels an instant, magical bond, and there's nothing wrong with you if it takes a few weeks to develop. With my DS, the first instant he opened his eyes and looked at me, it was more like we were regarding each other and thinking, "Hmmm, so you're the one who's going to be the most significant person in my life..."

Delivery was a c-section, and they took him away for an hour for observation while they finished sewing me up. (They said it was hospital policy, but there had been some heart rate issues so I'm not so sure. With my repeat c at another hospital they did not take the twins out of the room.). When I finally got to hold DS, I was just focused on wanting to get out of the recovery room and into my room so we could try to nurse.

The experience did not affect the development of our bond in any way.

Yes. It was actually awesome, I saw resemblances to grandparents and I suddenly had this since of ancestors going back and back through the ages, generation by generation for hundreds of thousands of years. And then I understood that I was now a link in this chain and they might be, going forward generations into the future--and time did seem to stop. I was awestruck.

And they smiled and laughed, and I was filled with that warm happy feeling.

The thought comes back to me periodically as I see them grow--the way they went from being infants, to toddlers, and up toward teenagers. I think about the way we all descend from the first self replicating molecules, and the way the chain of surviving and evolving beings leads through billions of years to me and my wife and these beautiful children and I am awestruck again. Learning about the autistic traits that run through my familiy's history, the cells of my body and my children has only deepened my sense awe at this amazing flow of life.

With all five of them, I was relieved obviously after giving birth.... Then just an overwhelming feeling... happy emotions at getting to hold them after carrying them around for so long. Lots of tears, joy. For me these moments are so clear, I can't believe they were so long ago.
With the first one, after the initial "wow" was another "wow" as in, how can I possibly look after something so tiny?
I'm such a sook that I'm teary writing about this and every birthday they have I get a little teary remembering that first time I saw them.

I'm also interested why you're asking... Everyone is so different in how they will feel initially and I'm not sure how that translates to how you will feel when some of the shock has worn off or you've had some time to adjust.

ok that's all interesting whats it like from a male's point of view of holding them the first time?

Can't give you the male perspective, but I will say this: childbirth was freaking exhausting for all three of us. My husband did a lot of physical work helping (I had "back labor," which means my son was facing in a direction that caused each contraction to push the hard part of his head directly into my spinal cord. The only remedy for that after a certain point is pressure on the lower back, which my husband fortunately did. Keep in mind labor is hours - my poor husband braced himself against the floor and put nearly his full weight on the small of my back for FIVE HOURS STRAIGHT. He was exhausted.)

When I first got DS home from the hospital and the real crying began (he didn't do much more than whimper at the hospital) I was terrified. I felt like a giant vending machine: hear cry, check output, check input, walk around, do it again. I wondered what was wrong with me, and I think DH felt much the same way (he took a month of paternity leave.) It wasn't until DS started to be able to react to us that we fell head over heels in love with him.

One lovely thing at our delivery: the moment my husband first spoke, DS immediately turned and tried to move towards his voice. He clearly liked the familiar sound he'd been hearing all of his existence. I know that moment was important for my husband.

I gave you my male perspective. I am the father of twins.

Holding them for the first time was awesome.

i was actually asking others

If you are worried because you didn't experience anything "magical," I don't think you need to be. It seems that from observing and talking to my male friends, it is not uncommon. My kids' dad clearly loved them from day one, but I don't think he had any particularly "strong feelings" until they were older and you could actually do things with them. He seemed rather noncommittal at first. He is an awesome dad to them now that they are older.

If you are worried because you didn't experience anything "magical,"

were you asking me that?

I don't have kids so I have not experienced it yet

Yes. I was asking you because you didn't state the reason for your question and I was concerned that if it was happening to you, you might take the conversation and believe yourself to be flawed in some way.

I have not experienced it yet that's why I was asking on here