I can't handle Homework time anymore

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My son is in year 3 and every week has 2 pages of math book, spelling to write out 4 times, times tables to write out 3 times (whichever number that week) and either religion, history or science a few sentences. He's really good at the rote spelling, times tables, and happy to do the rest, but that damn math book! I get him to do it on the weekend because there is more time because there will invariably be a meltdown over it and he stims pretty much the rest of the time he's doing it. He knows how to do it, he just thinks he can't and it's too hard, but if I can get him to listen as I go through it he's happy when he figures it out.

It so stressful I have no idea what to do with him. Do I just try to find a tutor? Or say no to homework?

Is your year three analogous to U.S third grade? (Is your child 8?) Id so, this might be too much homework. Kids on the spectrum have a limit to what they can do each day, and it seems unfair to pile it on on weekends b/c of this. If it is a workload issue, you could prioritize the work he has trouble with and save the easier stuff for later or bag the super easy stuff, if you think he does not need it.

If that is not the problem, another issue might be if he is expected to copy the problems from the book as opposed to doing a worksheet. Sometimes the act of having to write math out, so that it is all lined up, is a stumbling block. It takes so much longer than worksheets to do, and even though you have to keep your numbers lined up there too, at least it is just for the solution and the work that goes into it. If this is the case, try writing out the problems for him, preferably on graph paper, so it is easier for him to line his work up, and then see if he fares better. It may not be the subject so much as the work that goes into getting the work to be doable.

Does he do OK on his tests? Is it a problem of having difficulty figuring out the subject itself?

Yes he's 8, it's a workbook. I've started doing it this way because of work, he goes to after school care and by the time we get home it's basically dinner and bed. I think it's just maths, because before I went back to work it was the same when we spread it out. According to his report card he's at the expected level, and his naplan he's above average, I don't know how he goes in tests though he has big problems with time limits and had a meltdown during the persuasive writing naplan and had to be removed and couldn't understand why no one could/would help him. (Really annoying that I didn't find that out until 3months later, so we'll now be going away on holidays naplan week)

Do they return his classwork and non-standardized tests and quizzes to you? Can you ask the teacher if they make any accommodations like getting rid of time limits or having someone write for him, anything like that? Do they just not make him do things and then send it home to you to have him do at home?

Regardless, not knowing your educational system, it sound like too much work is being sent home for him to do. I am guessing day care will not help him with school work, also?

Sometimes it helps my son to use another paper to cover up the math so it only looks like there are only a couple of problems visible at a time. Less overwhelming that way. I've also heard of people using scissors to cut it into smaller sheets. Or do math in front of the TV -- play for a bit, pause and do 3 problems, play again.

Is the math word problems or just sheets of math facts?

Wow, I feel old. When I was in 3rd grade, I had a much different homework help method: SWAGTOW therapy, a method used on kids for centuries. That's an acronym for "Stop whining, and get to work!". Writing out the homework in a different way than the teacher wanted resulted in a zero grade, any work in front of the TV was considered slacking off, and things like cutting the worksheet into section with scissors (!) as unthinkable as dropping out of school. The closest to "accommodations" I got at home was being allowed to postpone dinner until after I finished all my homework, because I claimed I could work faster on an empty stomach. But even that was revoked once the amounts of homework increased. (In grades K thru 4, I went to a private school with an accelerated curriculum "because I was smart enough to handle it", so at times, there was enough homework to require at least an hour every day.)

I would be having a word with his teacher. Teachers usually set homework with an expectation of how long the child will spend doing it. Of course, kids that have difficulties may not fit within the general expectation. If he has a diagnosis and the school is aware of it they shouldn't have any problem with accommodating him. It's really one of the few uses of a diagnosis. The teacher has probably also noticed difficulties at school. I've had similar issues with my kids and usually the teacher is happy if the child puts in the required time, even if they don't achieve much. You just sign his book that he made a reasonable attempt. Whether the page is empty or it's all done, it's good enough.

I have 3 kids who are in the ASD and ADHD range. When they were young they bombed completely academically. My boys are now toward the end of high school. They haven't flunked anything from 2 year and have maintained B averages. Your boy's only 8, he's got plenty of time. Most of the difficulty at this point is maturity and life and personal skills, which he needs to learn for every facet of his life. Certainly trying strategies to avoid overwhelm, prioritising, etc. as already suggested, but at this point ensuring he doesn't become negative and you don't burn yourself out is the priority. The other things will get easier as he gets older.

Thanks everyone. I'll talk to his teacher today, she did ask me Friday how he was going with homework so I'll bring it up again. The workbook is questions, some addition and multiplication, some shapes, fractions, patterns etc, fill in the blank sort of thing. I don't see much of his work. The school are really onto it, except for the communication with me. The day after his diagnosis they'd emailed all the programming stuff to the paediatrician, and have organised his OT assessment

I had a hard time with homework I wish something was done about it when I was a kid. I never melted down about it but I remember how stressful and hard it was. I would always have loads of it and it would take me all evening to do it and it would be bed time by the time I would get finished. I envy autistic kids who are accommodated about it because I wish I was given the same. My mom started to let me have breaks and make me go back to it so that helped and I tended to turn my work in late and my 5th grade teacher gave me more time to get it done. So I guess I was given some accommodations about it.

Yay! She said do 15 minutes of it and she'll try to get him to do some at school. Hopefully not at lunch.
He sees the OT this week so maybe they'll work out his programme with the support teacher to do it with her or something

Aspie1, Some places are really big about homework, and the work for even the little ones could take more than an hour each day. Some of our kids have distraction, motor skill and other issues that make things take even longer, still. On top of that, not all of it is important to do. Some of it is busywork intended to get kids in good habits or are designed to require parent-child joint effort to make the parent be involved in the homework, or not custom tailored for kids with splinter skills. I don't see any harm in cutting some of it back or adapting it when appropriate.

I am an aspie with a math disorder.
Do his work books have things like games and bubble letters and pictures? To many pictures with colors and games can make it hard to focus on the problem and makes it over whelming.Try having him do the problems on a plain piece of paper and keep his work space VERY neat so he is not distracted by his surroundings. The noises around him can seem quit to everyone else...pencils tapping, the clock ticking, everything is loud to him. It can be especially loud when an aspie is having anxiety. Ask the teacher if he could take the test some place quiet, really quiet, and if worse comes to worse you could try ear plugs but no little kid wants to wear those so make that plan Z. If he sits by the window in school that must change, that is way to distracting!(this advice comes from an expert at zoning out during class....blah,blah,blah,blah,blah....I'm sorry,what did you say?)It is best to sit up front close to the teacher. When he gets a little older special ed. can be very helpful. The one on one attention is great!
Do not take away time limits. That is not a permanent solution. He will have them eventually and will be expected to do much harder work within the limits than he is doing now. It will makes things easier now but ALOT harder later on. You need to find ways to cope with the limits now instead of having to do it later when the work is actually hard and you can't help him the same way.
Hope this helps!

So... A couple of hours ago I was in a battle with my daughter, trying to help her to get her math homework done.

She hates it and is extremely resistant to doing it. She was claiming at one point not to know how many fours go into eight and at another time how many twos go into six... The homework was a simple sheet on equivalent fractions.

Once she realized that it was easy, she paid attention enough to breeze through it. She is very smart and mathematically gifted, but she hates to try--this is partly because of a twin thing that happened with her brother. He tends to answer math problems from his mental calculations and rarely needs to use paper to manage his logic. So she decided that that was his "thing." In fact, she is very good at it, but also very good at resisting doing what the teachers demand.

Anyway she got through it fine, but I had to lead her step by step at the beginning, sometimes repeating the logical operation for that step over and over again until she would actually listen, then she would realize it wasn't hard and quickly finish that problem.

Now I have to do some administrative work for my job. Stuff that I have been putting off since Friday that really needs to be done before tomorrow morning. I recognize that my daughter and I are doing the same thing. I wonder if it's for the same reason (She hasn't yet clearly described why it's so hard for her) I had a hell of a time doing arithmetic-heavy math homework until I started listening to music while I worked. Somehow being able to put a chunk of my focus on the music made the grinding through the problems seem more tolerable and less like an insult to life.

I guess there may be a sensory thing partly behind this, also a possibly related processing disorder. Whatever it is, it's deep and troubles me as an adult much as it did when I was a child.

Good luck to all the parents and children who are battling with this. I wish I had an answer. I wish I knew how to help her with it and how to deal with the same force in myself.

Wivil, you are exactly right about the noises, I usually have to get his sister to go far away because she makes too much noise and usually his pencils aren't right.
Adamantium, doing his 15 minutes yesterday he suddenly didn't know how else to write 12:30, how many minutes were in an hour etc, nor any multiplication.

There is major procrastination going on, and I can't blame him, I do it too

Things that helped us immensely:

1) Covering up sections so it didn't feel so visually overwhelming, and
2) Breaks and rewards for completing small sections, and, best of all:
3) Timing him out (ie not having to do any more) if he sat down and stayed focused for X minutes. He knew what the time would be, and he knew that if he could jump in and stay focused for that full time, he was DONE. You start small like the 15 minutes the teachers suggested, or maybe do 10 minutes then 5, and build up. They have an incentive to stop procrastinating and so they do. They look at that sheet and see an eternity, this tedious task they will be doing until who knows when. So you change the equation, take the eternity out of it. For this to work, the uncompleted work can't be set off for a different day or time, it is NO LONGER REQUIRED. You sign over "timed out" and turn it in that way. The timer doesn't start until they are actually working, and it stops if they divert their attention for anything more than a reasonable amount. The only way to earn your way through the time is to stay on task.

Why do many autistic kids have problems doing homework, even when they know how to do it? Can someone explain to me the reasons? I didn't have problems doing homework when I was kid, I think I loved doing homework. Is the reason the same as why I avoid washing my car? I don't even know why I avoid washing my car, it's just my most disliked chore that I always avoid doing, but I will definitely do it when I go home for thanksgiving, definitely.