2 year old daughter fixated on my hair

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Okay, I'm going to try to be brief and to the point. My daughter is autistic, diagnosed at 15 months old, having severe sensory issues since birth. She has always used my hair to self soothe, literally as soon as she was strong enough she would fight to climb me to have both hands in my hair. It has gotten a lot worse, and despite her being verbal (her language tested in the range of a five year old at 18 months old, she speaks better than my NT 5YO), saying ouch or telling her that it hurts is not helping at all. Lately she sneaks up behind me, grabs my hair, and swings from it. I know it's a sensory/comforting issue as her adaptive behaviors are extremely behind (she has never learned any sort of self soothing), but I just don't know what to do to help.

I know she can see me cringe every time she comes near me, because of my own sensory issues, I really dislike being touched and having my hair pulled or tangled up, and I don't want my sweet baby girl to feel like it's because I don't want her around me, it's just that it really hurts when she is always in my hair.

I hope someone else has dealt with this, and has some advice.

Thanks

My son was similar. I kept my hair up in bun, I don't know if that is an option if you have your own sensory issues. Also when he was a bit older, three or so, if he pulled my hair(not just played with it) I would tug on his, not hard, but he didn't like it. I would say "Don't pull Mommy's hair it hurts, see." It has gotten much better, he just turned 5 last week. He still likes my hair.

My wife wears her hair long and had the same problem with both our AS son and NT daughter. She started wearing it up so at least they couldn't take her by surprise. Until she grows up a bit and understands better that she's hurting you, can you try to distract your daughter with another activity or object or is there any other thing she finds comforting? It's what my wife did, but she has the patience of a saint and no sensory issues.

Thank you! I actually wear my hair up constantly since she was about 12 months old and she still does it. Most of the time she will just rip my hair out of the bun or ponytail or braid. Sometimes she will sweetly ask, "will you please take your hair off so I can have?" And If I say no we are in hours long meltdown city.

I taught mostly-typical toddlers and two-year-olds for 14 years, and have taught preschoolers on the spectrum since 2006.

You should start teaching your daughter now that causing physical harm/pain/discomfort to others is not okay. She may or may not understand what that actually means yet; regardless, you should try to change her habit now. The longer you let it slide, the more difficult it will be for her and you to make that change. Imagine what would happen if she's a 5 or 10-year-old still pulling on people's hair! Do you want to ride out the tantrums now or have to fight her off when she's bigger?

You can begin by keeping her from grabbing your hair in the first place, whether it?s up or NOT, as much as possible. Be super-aware! If others are around, they can keep their eyes peeled, too, and redirect her right away. Simply tell her, firmly, something like ?that?s not okay.? Be calm but clear; she may think it?s a game, she may not take you seriously, and/or she may simply keep doing it because she gets a rise out of you or whomever else is around.

Guide her hands and arms to whatever else you would prefer her to do with them?but be sure it?s something appropriate, not just another bad habit that you?ll have to break later. Praise her for it (in whatever way she understands) just like you would with your 5 y.o. Be prepared to do this as many times as it takes; sometimes our muscle memory is harder to change than our mental memory.

I know--I really, really know--that this may be hard, but there?s no reason to let her keep doing this just because she has different needs.

I am not sure if this idea is helpful or not but here goes -

Have you considered a wig for her to play with instead? I know there used to be places that would make wigs from your own hair if you grew it out (My mother had cancer and we found this out when she was researching wigs for herself)

If you have something that feels like Mommy to redirect her to it might help her stop.

i agree you will have to be firm and consistent in trying to redirect her away from you.

My oldest daughter did the same thing when she was young, but only when she was tired so it never became an issue.

I was going to say the same thing as DMarcotte, except that you first need to figure out what need she is trying to meet with this behavior.

For instance, a wig (or a wig sewn onto a doll) or hair extensions (you can buy more of them and swap them out when they get old) might work if she's looking for the feeling of hair in her hands.

Sounds to me, though, like she's trying to get some vestibular feedback by climbing and swinging on you - can you provide alternate things for her to swing on? We once got a doorway gymnastics bar for DS to swing on, maybe that would work.

Maybe some kind of tug-toy would work (you would have to pull the other end, but at least it wouldn't be part of your body)

Since she's verbal, I agree that you need to explain to her that she's hurting you and it is not OK to hurt someone - so she needs to help you find something else that works like Mommy's hair. It might be several things at once. We did the How Does Your Engine Run OT class with DS and found they basically just tried everything they had and sent him home with a list of what things were calming, what things were upsetting, and what things were energizing.

More ideas (from that class, which was great - if you can find one, I recommend it) hand fidgets like a squishy ball, a crinkly thing, or little wooden bead puzzles. Movement like jumping jacks, quadrupedal movement (bear crawl), swinging, hanging, or crashing into soft furniture or pillows. Sounds - music, noise, white noise, silence.

If putting your hair up isn't enough, maybe consider cutting it. Or if there's some way to reduce your sensitivity that may help. And she WILL grow out of this.

But if you can find an alternative that's better. In addition to the wig idea, maybe dolls or some kind of fidget toy that she can move that streams over her hands.

Does your daughter get OT? A good occupational therapist should be able to help or suggest something from knowing your daughter. The therapist who worked with my daughter was amazing, and even just a consult or a few sessions might help with this a lot.

Another idea: DS loved playing in sand when he was little, it was a bit of a stim for him. When winter came around, I got an old cooler and filled it with the cheapest dried beans I could find, so he could scoop and pour and put his hands in up to the elbows and kind of "swim."

I recommend getting something with a raised edge to put the bean box in, you'll be cleaning up beans no matter what you do - but it might give that "streaming" sensation if that's what she needs.

get her a wig of her own to play with

lol oh my, maybe my son and your daughter have met? My son was EXACTLY the same way. He slept in our bed (otherwise he would wake up and run around the house) and I could not sleep at night because he would play with my hair all night long until he fell asleep?sometimes pulling as he was falling asleep. I finally started putting his hands on his own hair?lol so he started playing with his own hair and when he'd fall asleep, he'd stop?while awake, he would play with it when he was tired or nervous. Get her a wig or some other soft/furry animals he can play with

PS eventually he stopped

MMJMOM,

I'm so sorry to hear about your angel baby, but glad to hear about your earthly ones. I'll bet they all feel the love.