Newbie with question RE: AS child

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Hello, I'm new to this site and happy to finally talk to others about asperger's .
I have three boys, 8 years, 3 years and 9 months old. My oldest one was diagnosed with asperger's last year, I knew it was asperger's since he was 3 years old, the meltdowns, early reading, interested in certain subjects, robot like voice, I knew it would be asperger's.
Kindergarten was rough, his teacher called me his first day to tell me that something was seriously wrong with my kid. She mentioned Bi polar, Autism and even schizophrenia. I cried my eyes out that night, of course that was out of line on her part and we brought that up to the principal, ad we had our meetings but it was still a tough school year. He is now at a different school, in a special ed program and is helped him a little, but he refuses to do his work, things he already knows, he only wants to do what he likes, and of course I get notes from school almost every day about this.
At home homework time is caotic. And to make matters worse, he cannot stand to hear or see his 3 year old brother. If he does, he starts screaming and crying and saying how much he hates him. He eats in his room to avoid him, if he gets out and happens to see him, screaming time. Its pretty bad. I've heard of children with asperger's, and how they can have meldowns with certain things like lights or smells, but not with their own siblings!! I really feel like I can't take it anymore. It breaks my heart to see my 3 year old, happy to see his brother, and in return he gets hit by him.
I am against medicating him, but might have to change my mind for my son's safety.
Has anyone else been in this same situation and what helped????
THANKS!
Aspiemom20

Is your son actually hitting the three-year old? If so, he should have an immediate consequence. Also, if he's yelling at him, this, too, should be addressed. It is verbal abuse and could be scary for the little one.

If you are allowing the yelling and rejection of three-year old, then the situation will only become more volatile. I would put an end to it immediately. Take away priveledges. Let him know, specifically, how and how he can not speak to his brother. If he speaks the wrong way, he will have to go to bed early, lose viewing time--something. I would be consistent with this. Otherwise, the bullying behavior will get out of hand.

Medicating your child is not the answer. You need to take control and make sure your eight-year old, AS or not, knows the rules about angry words, raising voice and hitting three-year old. I'm sure if you are consistent with this, he will learn quickly and feel much safer (both your sons will feel better in the long run).
Begin with 3 easy ones and keep it simple. I wouldn't add emotional words such as "How could you do this to your brother?" Forget the analysis. Just state the rules in a concrete way and that's it.

No angry words at brother
No hitting brother
No yelling at brother

For proactive measures: You might want to consider intervening, determining what emotion your son is really feeling and teaching him how to express this in calm words. Most times kids on the spectrum lash out when they don't know how to articulate what they are feeling.

best,

equinn

My boys are 14 and 11, and there are still sibling issues, but they're improving with time.

My older boy is AS. He thrived in school right from the start (the structure and routine suited him) but sometimes he would carry a bit of stress home with him. Then the fireworks with his younger brother would start. The little one would persist in being social in spite of the danger signals, and he is a loud talker with not much volume control, and next thing I know I'm having to separate them into different rooms. Fun for the whole family... except NOT...

The irony is that, now that they are a little older, and a little more settled, it is my older son who has friends coming and going every day of the week. The younger one is only just getting to the age when "mum-to-mum chats" are no longer required for get-togethers with friends. The little guy has a keen sense of injustice, and it used to grind his gears something chronic to see his brother having all the fun with mates, while he himself languished at home with nothing but his DS for company.

On the homework thing. We found what worked best was to designate fixed homework times for each one, one after the other, with absolute silence and no distractions for the one working. But lately they've been regulating the matter themselves to their own satisfaction.

It will get better, but I agree that it's heartbreaking when they seem to be at each other's throats night and day!

it's a tough road.....Ross Green's The Explosive Child is a great resource ! .....sounds like even though he's in special ed, you're still not feeling supported. sometimes school districts have special ed PTAs that you can join to meet other parents . ( sometimes talking to parents of other kids with special needs makes you feel not so all alone.)..........also, if you haven't already, check out your local autism society for information on siblings groups, groups for your child, and support for you.
welcome!

Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 10:26 am Post subject: Newbie with question RE: AS child

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Hello, I'm new to this site and happy to finally talk to others about asperger's .
I have three boys, 8 years, 3 years and 9 months old. My oldest one was diagnosed with asperger's last year, I knew it was asperger's since he was 3 years old, the meltdowns, early reading, interested in certain subjects, robot like voice, I knew it would be asperger's.
Kindergarten was rough, his teacher called me his first day to tell me that something was seriously wrong with my kid. She mentioned Bi polar, Autism and even schizophrenia. I cried my eyes out that night, of course that was out of line on her part and we brought that up to the principal, ad we had our meetings but it was still a tough school year. He is now at a different school, in a special ed program and is helped him a little, but he refuses to do his work, things he already knows, he only wants to do what he likes, and of course I get notes from school almost every day about this.
At home homework time is caotic. And to make matters worse, he cannot stand to hear or see his 3 year old brother. If he does, he starts screaming and crying and saying how much he hates him. He eats in his room to avoid him, if he gets out and happens to see him, screaming time. Its pretty bad. I've heard of children with asperger's, and how they can have meldowns with certain things like lights or smells, but not with their own siblings!! I really feel like I can't take it anymore. It breaks my heart to see my 3 year old, happy to see his brother, and in return he gets hit by him.
I am against medicating him, but might have to change my mind for my son's safety.
Has anyone else been in this same situation and what helped????
THANKS!
Aspiemom20


Hi,
thanks for the feedback guys. I have been reading some of the other discussions about parents and their daily routines with their children with asperger's and realized, WOW I'm not alone and.... WOW it's hard, hard work.
An update...I took my 8 year old to see a psychiatrist (his 1st time) he was just seeing the school therapist once a week. And was given Concerta for his ADHD, lowest dose 27mg, to start him off. He improved a little with the focusing in school and homework. Last week, his dosage was raised to 37mg. and I received the notes from the teachers today, saying that all his work has been done, and it was a very good day. At home, I don't have to tell him anymore to do his homework, he's usually done way before bedtime. Major, major improvement. Believe me I do not miss the screaming and crying about homework. But, he still cannot be around his brother. If anything he has been more withdrawn, wanting to only be in his room, more than before. The therapist at school told me that he has been obsessed with his new medication, blaming everything and anything he does is the result of his medication, and that I should take away his medical books, which are to blame. If he forgets his folder, he'll say to the teachers, Oh, thats the side effects of the Concerta, memory loss and so forth. So his books are hidden. He was also given melatonin 2.5 mg for him to rest because he could not sleep because of the Concerta, and its helped him alot, he'll tuck himself in bed without having to tell him to and he sleeps all night. RE: the way he is with his brother, the psychiatrist suggested Resperidone, but those side effects really, really scare me. So I will have to think about it. I just want my 8 year old to be able to sit with us at dinner or in the living room without having to force him too. He doesnt even have to sit next to his brother, but be around us as a family... that is all I want for Christmas Thanks again everyone for comments.
Have a Merry Merry Christmas everyone!! !

Aspiemom20

The medicine type and dose depends on the child. Apparently the body chemistry is so complex, the only way find an effective medicine is by trial and error. I have seen kids that were zombie's due to medication, we meet with or sons doctor every few months or so and try to use the minimum amount of least dangerous or addictive medicine we can. With no medicine my son can not go out in public due to extreme mood swings and stimming.

Hi thanks for the post.
Can you tell me which medication your child is on, is it the Concerta or Resperidone? Just want to now what has helped your child.

Thanks
Aspiemom

my daughter tried concerta, but had bad side effects~insomnia and hallucinations....now she's on Tenex fro her anxiety~seems to be workign quite well. i can actually take her to the store without her going completely berserk.......

my son is on several meds~ wellbutrin, seroquel and prozac. he's tried depakote and paxil as well......his current med cocktail has served to keep him far less anxious and happy .