Words of Encouragement

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Hi - sorry to intrude again. I read an article about autism in the Ladies' Home Journal and it disturbed me greatly. Especially the fact that it was published in September of 2006 and, almost two years later, I'm still hearing the same scare/fear tactics being used by the media. I just need to get this off of my chest because the article left such a foul taste in my mouth. It was the article "We Battle Constantly Over Our Autistic Child". A particular sentence greatly disturbed me:

'After a battery of a tests the specialist diagnosed Max with autism and warned us that there was no time to waste: Early intervention can mean the difference between a child who reaches his potential and one who remains isolated in his own universe".

The mother of said autistic child goes on and mostly focuses on extensive theraphy and how her child is disabled - all in fear that her child would become isolated from the world if she didn't act swiftly or extensively. She is obviously stressed and worried and I don't discount her feelings or emotions. My mom was a single mom with a lot of other stress factors (not including me), but she someone managed. I still don't know how, but I give her (and other parents) kudos. I know I could never raise a child (just the stress factor alone!).

I don't know why I feel so sorry for this mom - may be it's the recent use of the scare/fear tactic in the media. My mom raised me even before autism was an issue (I wasn't diagnosed until 22) and, even then, she never focused on the word "disability". Even though I was, at the time, diagnosed as bipolar with OCD, she never let me get away with using it as an excuse. The emphasis always was (and continues to be) that I can do things, albeit it might just take me longer. There is no standard "normal". As Whoopi Goldberg says "Normal is only a setting on the washer machine" and I am convinced this is true. My mom and dad both drilled into me that I am neither the best nor worst in the world - I am simply me and that's that. I remember throwing horrible tantrums as a child, screaming "I can't be perfect!" (mostly out frustration that I couldn't just act like everyone else). It took 22+ years, but it has finally sunk into my brain that no, I'm not perfect, but as long as I try, then I'm good to go.

I just wanted to let you all moms and dads of autistic children know that autism is not a death sentence and that your children will grow to be their own version of "normal". I know not everyone thinks this way, but every time I see the words "suffer" or "cure" in connection with autism, I just want to scream. I know there are some autistics are more severly affected than I am - but even that judgement is not correct. I am labeled "high functioning", but there are some things that I struggle with (like my anxiety and attention issues). I deal poorly with stress and anger, but am working on a daily basis to improve myself. It's a never ending battle, yes, but I do not suffer nor do I feel like I am doomed (okay, granted on my pity days, I do - but I just have to remind myself that everyone feels like that every now and then). I think the best thing for any child - regardless of whether they are autistic or not - is love and acceptance (I am not saying that parents of autistic children don't love their child or that the woman in the article doesn't love her son). I think the best thing my mom taught me is perseverence, life skills, and how to be independent.

I give kudos to all you parents out there. It's toughing raise kids and probably twice as tough if they have a developmental disorder or something along those lines. It's just that articles such as these depresses me and I'd hate for other parents to think of their child as just the autism and not a person. I had counseling growing up, but other than that, all "interventions" began at home and I sincerely give my mom all the credit.

I hope that makes sense and that I did not offend anyone - and if I did, it was certainly not my intent.

I know what you're saying. There is an industry associated with early intervention and parents are made to feel as if they aren't doing enough soon enough, especially if they aren't spending a lot of money on private therapies. For a while, I felt really guilty that my son has never received ABA or any other autism-specific interventions.

However, the guilt didn't last too long because it seems like we're doing all right. He learned how to talk and he's learning other social stuff, just at a slower pace. I don't think we could have had a better outcome if I hired others to do the therapy.