daddy's back in town, now what????

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ok so my ex is back intown and has taken a position in car sales again unfortunately. as it is comission based he is almost "on call" so he can make his money this creates a bit of a problem for visitation schedules, since before he left last time he was supposed to see them on tuesday but would make it maybe 60% of the time and i felt bad telling the kids daddy got stuck at work and isn't coming again.
i know predictability and routine are important but I am very tempted to just let daddy show up whenever he does and not let the kids know a specific schedule so they're not feeling left out for work etc.
i want him to realize the consequences of his actions but not at the expense of my kids.
not really sure what to do here.
any help please.

(sorry this is like my third post in a short time, but i've got questions that keep popping up and don't know where else to bring them)

Is there any way this can be mediated or dealt with in your custody orders? It sounds like the kids are not a priority to him. Visitation isn't some kind of bonus, it's a way for the kids to bond with their parents and see their dad as a role model.
Either way, your kids aren't getting what they should from him. If he schedules to be with them and doesn't show up, the message is that he doesn't care. If he shows up unscheduled, then they may not see him as part of the family but just "some guy". Not to mention all the stress of unstructured activity for autistics.
If he is stone broke, maybe he should get a wage job so he can have dependable income until his commissions increase. Or if he is making good money, he should afford his afternoon with the kids.

well we have joint custody right now, i'd have to keep records of him and all his inconsistencies but he also fights dirty too and i have a very cluttered house so i know he'd use that against me, the fact that it is a mess quite often.
we had a discussion about him not having a comission based job but i believe he is going to file for bankrupcy soon due to pasat financial issues so this way he'll have a car, plus he moved back without a job so this was one thing that was for sure.
i am hoping this time it is different because he said he hated being away from the kids and he couldn't do it that's why he came back like he did, but now that he's back he's kind of got the mentality that he's back now so he can see the kids whenever so it's not a priority.
we need to sit down and have a visitation discussion, but just found out he was working there last night and had his first shift today, so kind of just waiting to see when he calls about seeing the kids and trying to keep track of it.
i know all the issues associated with this and that is my issue, is he just daddy who shows up every now and again or daddy who doesn't show up when he's supposed to because he's at work.
yes he works to pay the child and spousal support, so it is important, but i want the kids to know that they are his number one priority as he has said they are but doesn't always act like it.
anyways just trying to get some ideas and input as to which option is the lesser of teh two evils if they're my only 2 options.

Ok this is all only my opinion, I am a single mum of two boys.
The older son got to see his dad sporadically J my 9 year old AS son hasn't seen his dad properly in years and is devastated.

Dad has turned to drugs and doesn't show any interest in my boys at all.

I never had a set shedule for dad to show up, this is annoying but it was the only my older son would get to see him.

If I was you I would have a talk with your ex and let him know that whilst this isn't an ideal set up, its important for your kids to get to know their dad. Ask him to call before he comes over so there is at least some warning. Can you ask him to set up a regular phone call time, he could even call them at the set time from work. It doesn't have to be a long call. Just knowing its Wednesday- dads call night may be enough.
Maybe trial this for a while if its not working change it. Sometimes not telling the kids about an expected visit is better than dissapointing them.

Good luck.

When a job is commission based, if you don't put in the time needed. your pay is decreased. Does he pay you child support? If so, I think you need to figure out your priorities...Most commission paid jobs pay more than salaried jobs, but that's the chance you take...so, here are some suggestions...

1. decide that your children having more time with their dad, at a consistent time, is a priority for you and more important than the money, therefore, suggest he gets a salaried job instead, accept lower child support so that he has a better schedule and can see his children regularly...
2. decide that your children having more time with their dad, at any time, is a priority, but so is the amount of money he pays you in child support, therefore, allow visitation to be much more flexible, whenever HIS job allows it...
3. decide that child support is your number one priority, that the children seeing their dad is second priority and keep inflexible times through a court order and encourage him to continue to work more hours or at least as many, to ensure the CS check is never decreased...

Again, I am assuming that you receive child support...If so, these are your choices...Mind you, now that he's your ex, it's on him to make the final decisions on his finances...but I can assure you that if you pick 1 and possibly 2, he'll come through for your kids...pick 3, and it won't be pretty...

Good luck.

how does the ex feel about all of this? what's his perception?....is he satisfied with the amount of time he sees the kids, or is he truly upset that he doesn't see them more?.........until you know what his POV is, it's hard to know how to proceed

aurea-good suggestions thanks i'll try that. thankfully it's just a job and juggling a girlfriend too that keeps him away sometimes and not omething more serious, but the set phonecall time thing is good, but won't work if he's with a customer.

whatamess-yes he does pay child support as much as he can and i am okay with being flexible, but wondering how hard it is on the kids
i do need the money so i can only work part time and stay home with the kids the rest of the time it is a better solution than daycare, and cheaper for him too.

ster-he moved back because he wanted to be around his kids he missed tham so much, but seems to get into the mindset once he's back, that he's back now so he can see the kids more so it isn't as pressing an issue. the kids haven't seen him since Friday and won't untill i think thursday didn't call untill sunday night or monday and at that point didn't even talk about visitation times etc with the kids. talked to him taday and he didn't even mention visitation times either i brought it up because i wanted to know.

i know this may sound selfish to some of you but with him not having a set schedule it is hard for me to get out and have any sort of a social life, or even schedule things that are so much easier without the kids eg. doctors appts for me. i need a break too sometimes.

but my main concern is how it affects the kids especially my AS son.

it's not selfish to want some peace for yourself-that's called survival, babe!

Have you expressed to him your son's need for a consistent schedule?.....I just don't know what to tell you....I've never had to deal with this. Maybe if he realizes that you're not after him to spend 40 hours a week with the kids, and that you're priority is jsut that he contacts the kids twice a week ( or whatever it is that you determine), maybe he'll be more consistent....