"I'm BORED!! ! What am I going to do???"

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Could you manage for once, to talk and consider what other people are saying. Rather than yelling and being a bully, saying other people disgust you isn't a way to gain someone's good favors. If anything you're just playing into what Ana and I have said about you. Nobody else has complained, because nobody else has the courage to stand up to a bully like you.

I'm not a burden on my family, because my family loves me unconditionally. You only view your son as good as long as he performs well for you, like a trained monkey, or else he is punished. Only a monster would see their child as a burden.

If you don't like how you're being treated here, you're always free to go find another forum. Where surely you'll be sympathized and coddled with, as you clearly are upset about not being treated that way here. We defend our own, and don't sit back when we hear of a step-father basing their relationship with their Aspie son on how well he can perform for him. You have only discussed the issues he has, by saying you are gracious enough to allow him to have his comfort items.

You always need to be in control. You're not in control here, and all you can do is call people ignorant, burdens, because they weren't raised in the militaristic way your son is. I'm sure he might be satisfied and understanding, only because he isn't able to see there is a world out there. A world where parents love their children no matter what. A world where parents respect their children enough, to understand they can learn, rather than punishing them over and over again.

Now you are lashing out at Ana and I, because we might just show your son that life can be better. That he doesn't have to live under you or his mothers thumb. That frightens you, so you claim I disgust you. A fully functioning Aspie person who doesn't live life based on worrying about rules, disgusts you. Disgust isn't the right word, frightened is the word.

You are a scared little boy, having a meltdown, because someone finally had the sense to punish you. You are feeling just like how you make your son feel, worthless, unless he performs. The problem isn't people like Ana and I, the problem is people like you.

You disgust me.

I also imagine your son is very well aware, if he doesn't do what you demand of him, you would be disgusted of him as well. Conditional love, isn't true love. It's love based only on your son's ability to succeed the way you want him to, and how you want him to. For Christ's sake, the son has Asperger's Syndrome. Does he need to be in a wheelchair for you to see that you can't keep pushing him and pushing him without harming him? Does that mean nothing to you? It seems you just came on here to appease your girlfriend, and then decide to give up on helping your son, because people haven't been open and accepting of your treatment of him.

You tell me, how that shows caring. How that shows understanding, or empathy. It doesn't, you just will continue to do the minimum for your son, and then wonder why the rest of the world thinks that's pathetic.

Mean to you? Maybe if you didn't tell him to to live his life and raise his GF's son and if you will actually read his whole posts instead of part of them, and listen to his words instead of jumping to false conclusions, maybe people will be nice to you. You were the rude, one. BTW I don't like you either. I have no respect for people like you.

I'll sit back and watch the rest of the drama and laugh at you and keep showing this thread to my online friends so they can have a laugh at you too.

Yes I'm being mean to you now because you're a b**** and you tell people how to raise their kids and you shove it in their faces and don't ever stop. You expect people to raise their kids the way your parents raised you? Dream on.

Go ahead and report me if this bothers you so much.






The bully here is you. If you don't want to be bullied, treat people with respect and you won't get it. Jimbeaux is just defending himself and standing up for himself. That isn't bullying. I am sure he is enjoying this drama just as much as I am.


I think I'll stop now because this is his drama, not mine. So you two can go on and continue without me.

Well, so much for that truce I thought I saw.

Violet, you are reading way, WAY too much into these things. Real world, breaking rules ends up in a consequence. Some are harsh, some less, but there is ALWAYS a consequence. That is true for adults, for kids, for everyone. Exactly WHAT do you propose be used as a consequence? I'm partial to time outs, myself, for it gives children time to reflect and gain self-control, but sometimes that isn't an option, and sometimes it just doesn't work. Taking away PRIVILEGES is a well recommended consequence and far better than spanking. And we ARE talking PRIVILEGES here, not RIGHTS. Adults and children have a RIGHT to be treated as human beings, to be given food when hungry, shelter from the cold, medicine will ill, and comfort when sad. But pretty much everything else is a PRIVILAGE, and in this world you may as well learn from early on that privilages are EARNED, and can be taken away in a flash. It's real life, not thievery. And we don't do our children any favors when we fail to teach them a few basics about how real life works. I know THAT from personal experience, because I would LOVE to be the mom who never issues any consequences to her kids, just talks everything through, and so on. But it did NOT make my kids happy. Just spoiled. Certainly, parents CAN go too far down this road, but I do NOT have the sense that Jim and his girlfriend do. He comes here seeking understanding, that earns him gold star number 1. And he has LISTENED. We've talked about consistency and the other things AS kids need, and he has taken ALL that to heart.

I don't know what your personal experience has been, or what you feel is so horrible here. I know I have a hard time when MY computer time gets limited, but it isn't because I "need" it for anything positive (except work, of course, and that does not get limited), it's because computer use can be ADDICTIVE and actually DESTRUCTIVE. So while I can understand taking away some of that time can feel harsh and be difficult to deal with, I also feel that the other goals - learning to enjoy life WITHOUT a computer - are also important. If having something less than 8 hours to play sparks accusations of "thievery," you have to wonder if addiction is at play. That is not a healthy reaction.

I guess I'm asking you to think about WHY this discussion is upsetting you so. What chord it's striking that makes you angry. I can't know what it is; I'm not you. But it's something, and I doubt it has anything at all to do with Jim.

I know you aren't asking this, but I have found that giving my son an allowance, a totally toy allowance, resolves that issue. I have no say in what he picks (although I do express my opinion, sometimes even try to sell it, but it's his money, his choice) assuming he has enough money in the mommy bank. No money, no purchase. I do sometimes let him go negative, but THEN I have to think it's a good purchase, maybe limited time available, so on. Because my son is so driven by logic and expectations, having an allowance works really, really well with him. It truly ended all discussion of what to buy or not buy with him. He's made some stupid choices, but because HE made them, he learned from them.

I don't think this is a positive thing to say. You are suggesting he lie? Or that he buy something he may not be able to afford or have room for? Just to soften the tantrum? That really doesn't work. If the tantrum is an AS/sensory tantrum, it has nothing to do with the toy. If it really has something to do with the toy, it's a spoiled tantrum and shouldn't be given into.

Although ...

I have at times had to stop and ask my son, "did you assume we would be buying you a toy today? Is that why you were so easy about coming shopping?" We did have that issue once or twice, that he assumed since the last time we had been at a location he got a treat (something he didn't need to use his allowance for), that he would again; now he asks before we leave. I always tell him what we are shopping for, where we will go, and so on.

I'm sorry, Violet, that he hasn't been able to act with infinite patience as you continued to challenge him, but you're the one doing to goading here, from my perspective. While he could have taken a higher road in responding to you, he's basically just giving it back with the same tone you've sent it. He isn't a bully to anyone else. Don't confuse Jim with Kramer - Kramer has fun tweaking all of us - but they ARE two different people, albeit in similar situations.

Wow.

As I said before, I think you are reading far, FAR too much into what Jim has said.

He is TRYING to respect the boy as an AS child, and to respect his uniqueness. That is WHY he came here in the first place. Asking parents what to lay off on, because it's part of AS, and what to work on, because it isn't part of AS.

Unconditional love accepts someone as they ARE, but that doesn't mean you can't work with them to help them find their better selves. In fact, love is all about that, helping the one you love be the BEST person they can be, in ALL ways. True to themselves, but also able to function and succeed in life based on their own unique talents. A parent can fail by NOT teaching far faster than they can fail by actually teaching. I can find you adults that wish their parents had been stricter about certain things just as fast as I can find you adults who felt their parents were too strict.

You can't judge love by parenting style. I've been around the block to know that one. Loving parents come with all sorts of parenting philosophies. And so do bad parents. There is NOT a one size fits all answer here. Just a style that works for that one parent and that one child. Perhaps "preferred" and "less preferred," but the one key remains to love and accept, but also have the desire to TEACH.

I used to post at AFF, but found the parenting community too small and inactive. Basically, the militant style of those responding to the posts drove most parents away. I don't want that to happen here. We parents NEED to hear your voices, how things appear from your side, but when you jump the gun and make too many assumptions about what we are thinking and what we are doing you send us away. Yelling at a parent is about as effective as yelling at a child: you won't be heard. So STOP. Ask questions. Be gentle. Get at the whole story. AVOID reaching conclusions. Offer perspective, yes. Judgment - no.

I guess I'll have to tell my friend on here this can only be left up to her. As per usual, when one person tells someone something they don't want to hear, the rest gather around that person and try to oust them. I am not the only one with this opinon Ana feels the same way I do. However, since I am the most vocal I make myself the biggest target. If you would like to explain what I'm reading too much into, feel free.

I think the rest of you don't like seeing what happens when someone is forced to face what they don't want to face. Either that or you're completely blind to how Jimbeaux has been manipulating all of us. He tries to anger people, so then when they respond in kind, he can be the first to taddle-tale to the mods. I don't see why you are taking the side of someone who will not even take the courtesy of suggesting there might be another way.

Perhaps you didn't read where Jimbeaux said he came here hoping to find help for his son, he didn't find the kind of help he wanted, so he's turned this into a argument and a fight. Rather than considering his son's feelings, he will consider only his own. Either that, or show how he's putting himself on the cross by providing his son even the smallest things. How he's the victim. Remember this is someone who came here claiming his son was playing a martyr.

So now this has once again, come to most of people on the parents forum assuming that the parent is always right, could never possibly be wrong. What right does the big bad non-parent have to come in here anyways. You are being played by Jimbeaux. This is exactly what he wants, to convince you that anyone who disagrees with him is terrible.

Nobody else seems to see where he's made his own inflammatory statements, saying that people who don't obey him "disgust him". I'm reading too much into this, or is it that you don't want to see the truth. Is it really that huge of a leap to suggest someone who can consider other people's children burdens and disgusting, wouldn't be quick to think these things of his own child should he fail to measure up to his haughty expectations.

You all are in support of a parent who has admitted on here, his love is conditional.

violet_yoshi, stop being such an as*hole.

I care more about Jimbeaux's child than he appears to. That doesn't bother you in the least bit?

Wow.

I see a problem with removing self regulation. I also see a problem, as a stepkid, with bringing autistic kid over to boyfriend's house to be in boyfriend's space where boyfriend can say "hey that's my sh*t" all the time, because even if it's also kid's mom's house, it won't FEEL like kid's place. Kids do the best they can with what they have, and making it more difficult with wrecking their routines and self calming mechanisms with power trips just sets up worse situations in the long run. He needs his own space that he can be comfortable with--even if that means ungodly hours at the computer because he's probably feeling overwhelmed ALL THE TIME with the changes.

Oh. And last I checked, calling someone an as*hole is a personal attack. I might have crap social skills, but it's just an observation.

I'm 23 years old and me and my parents still get stumped by this. Of course, they're always encouraging me to make my own decisions, but I just shy away from that. Now give me stated options and it becomes easier.

Billy has his own space. He has a bedroom that is his, and I put a TV with cable, a VCR, a DVD player, and a box of toys in it. I also put a lock on the door so he can have privacy any time he wants it.

And yes, he does get ungodly hours on the computer: 8 hours.
The first few weekends were an adjustment, and I basically let him have the computer the entire time. Now, he has adjusted.

And I NEVER tell him "Hey, that's my sh*t!" He just knows that the computer has a time limit.

I do consider what others are saying. You, I have stopped as you have proven yourself to be a non-credible source of information.


Bull! If that was the case, other people wouldn't be jumping to my defense! I am giving you back what you are giving, and you don't like it. I'm sure you are in complete control in your own home, but you aren't here. It is obviously bothering you, but too bad. Deal with it. I am going to be honest, and respectful where called for. You have shown me disrespect from the start, so I have no obligation to respect you. You read into my posts what isn't there and make that the subject of your attack. See the logical fallacy "Straw Man".

And I am not a "bully" as you call it, which I assume means giving back what I am given, with anyone else because they treat me with respect, as I treat them.


Yes, you are a burden. You are 26 years old and not at least helping make your own way in life, which you are perfectly capable of doing. If you weren't capable, that would be one thing, but you have proven yourself to be intelligent and articulate, so you could hold a job. Therefore, you are a burden. You may be a burden they are happy to bear because they have the means and dealing with you throw a hissy fit because you might no longer exist to only entertain yourself isn't worth the aggravation, but a burden is still a burden. And I think your parents DON'T love you unconditionally, because if they did, they would want you to do something with your life rather than giving Yoshi her toys to keep her quiet and out of the way!


Again, reading into something that isn't there and making it the subject of your attack. That is one of the most idiotic things I've ever read. I'm sure most of the people on this forum who are reading what you post are laughing at your foolishness.

I love Billy unconditionally. Thus I am doing what is best for him rather than making him into a monster like your parents have obviously done to you.



I'm just giving back what I am getting. From everyone but you, I get respect usually excellent advice. I shall continue to do so. You don't like it, feel free to ignore me. If you can't handle my presence here and my tendency to give back what I get and thus feel a need to attack me, expect to get it thrown back at you, which you clearly aren't used to.


Again, see "straw man".


The computer is a privilege. His comfort items are off limits. How many more times am I going to have to say that before you actually understand it???


No, I DON'T always need to be in control like you do, and YOU are the only one I speak a harsh truth about because you are the only one being disrespectful and rude to me!


You mean the fantasy land that you live in where parents don't care enough about their children to teach them to live within society, but rather let them be a BURDEN, taking the easy way out? What happens when your parents die? What if their money dries up? Oh man, do I feel sorry for you, Yoshi.


I'm not lashing out at Ana. Her and I have had a disagreement and she hasn't turned it into a string of attacks. You, I'm giving back what you are spewing and you can't handle it.

Your analysis of my frame of mind, that it frightens me, could not be further from the truth. You disgust me because you need to be in complete control, and lash out when your dictates are disagreed with. You are a megalomaniac, and can't handle when someone stands up to you. You also disgust me because you think you are entitled to being a burden to those around you. THAT is fact. And excuse me, but I think when it comes to the subject of my thoughts, I am the authority, NOT YOU!


No, I am a responsible adult standing up to the local bully who throws a fit when people don't dance like a trained monkey when she grinds the organ. And quit dragging Ana into this. I have no issue with her, as she has not been repeatedly disrespectful to me at this point.


Good! Considering your asinine view of things, I would be disappointed if I didn't!


Again, see "Straw Man."


Having Asperger's Syndrome doesn't make him a vegetable! He is perfectly capable of living life within society given a lot of extra attention, teaching, caring, and loving, which I and his mother are giving him!

Not everyone cares as little for their children as your parents obviously do for you!


You are the only one who has said they think I'm pathetic, and you aren't basing your analysis on me and my actions, but rather some fantasy you've made up in your mind that doesn't resemble reality in the slightest. Then again, from what I've seen, that is what you do best.

I truly feel sorry for you. And yes, you still disgust me. Although to be honest, so do your parents for not caring enough about you to keep you from becoming such a megalomaniacal narcissist who has baby tantrums when baby doesn't get her way.

Last edited by Jimbeaux on 29 Dec 2008, 3:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Excellent suggestion, as always, DW_a_mom! I shall have to appropriate it! People like you are why I keep coming back here.

I am not trying to manipulate anyone. I am simply responding in kind. Your experience isn't the universal experience. And you were the one who started being disrespectful and personal, so don't even try to play the "poor me I'm a victim" here. That dog won't hunt.



Excuse you, but YOU are the one who called for the mods on your Sun Dec 28, 2008 10:58 am post. Another argument of yours down in flames.



Again, you aren't grasping the situation. I have taken the courtesy of people suggesting there might be another way, and I have incorporated them into Billy's time with me. What YOU are getting bent out of shape over is my rejection of YOUR way! I assume that it was what your parents did for you, and judging by the person you've revealed yourself to be here, it is DEFINITELY not the path I want Billy to go down!



No, you turned it into a fight and argument when I didn't accept your views of how his mother and I should raise Billy. Get the facts straight.



That is a lie.



Untrue. You are having a baby-tantrum because I don't bow to your will and allow Billy to grow up an ungrateful egomaniac like your parents did. Unlike you, Billy won't be a burden when he is older, therefore we have to equip him to fit into NT society.


No, other people have disagreed with me. However, with them, I had a rational discussion. With you, I disagreed with YOUR suggestion, and you immediately went on the attack and I responded in kind. Since not getting your way isn't in your realm of experience, you don't know how to handle it so you are lashing out.



No, I said YOU disgust me! And I explained in a previous post why.



No, I don't consider children burdens and disgusting. You, however, are an adult. YOU are a burden to your parents. Not because you are their child but because you don't even seem to consider contributing to your expenses by working. The fact that you think you are entitled to that existence, and that any parent who won't provide their AS child that same existence is somehow doing them a disservice is one of the reasons you disgust me.


Point out ANY time I said my love for Billy is conditional. I DARE YOU!! ! I TRIPPLE-DOG DARE YOU!! ! You can't! That is something that exists in your mind only!! ! Get over yourself, lady!

EDIT:
And yes, I'm fairly sure at this point I'm probably going to get kicked off of WP, and I just hope that if I am, justice is spread evenly.