HELP...Need advice regarding school...

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I am looking for advice and this may be really long...I apologize in advance. My son is 9 and now in 4th grade. We have known since he was 4 or 5 that he was "different" and "quirky". We just adapted to him and knew what worked and what didn't. Grandparents told us we just needed to discipline him more...we did things our way though.
In 2nd grade he was diagnosed with ADHD by his pediatrician and we put him on Adderall. This helped him to be able to focus more in school and he did well. Third grade he really began struggling again, and I began to look for answers beyond "quirky". I knew in my gut that there was more to him than this.
I took my concerns to the school and they tried to put me off by telling me I was over reacting and that they didn't think anything was wrong. I then went over their head to the school district and requested a multi-factored evaluation of our son. This was denied due to a lack of any medical evidence of a disability or medical condition. I put in the letter that we suspected he had Asperger's Syndrome, and that we were seeking a diagnosis through a private doctor. As you all know this can take months and it was August before we received the official diagnosis.
Towards the end of the school year, my son really started struggling. He was being bullied; this finally came out when he told his OT. We had an evaluation done at a Therapy center that specializes in AS and he goes weekly, since March.
This evaluation was not official enough for the school either though. He was struggling in school, very fidgety, and developed bothersome tics that also resulted in him being called names, and on one occasion he was spit on in the car pool line. Our daughter witnessed this and told us. We were at the school at 8am the next morning and demanded that someone have eyes on our son at all times. The bullying stopped but a few days later he punched a boy because he told him he couldn't play tag anymore. He received half a day of ISS for this.
During all of this going on we had several meetings with the school. The pupil appraisal and educational psychologist observed him in the classroom, and us and his teachers filled out an evaluation form that was scored and was in the severe range for an autism spectrum disorder. They both said that he definitely needed help but that as it was the end of the school year we should get our diagnosis over the summer and meet at the beginning of the school year to set up an Interim IEP.
We had our meeting on Wednesday. I should also say that we have a child advocate working with us, as I always wanted to make sure that we would get everything my son needs in his IEP. We walked into the meeting to find two new special ed. people. They both completely dismissed all of the information from third grade. They said his grades are great now (All A's and B's), and his teachers said he is doing well.
They are providing assistance for him already with things like helping him write his assignments down, providing clear and concise instructions in smaller steps than they do for the other children, assisting when he is in group work to help with understanding and communication etc.
Because of this, they said there is really nothing he needs. We felt completely blocked at this meeting. We all left in frustration as nothing was accomplished. I was in tears, my husband and advocate were furious. We had sent the report from the doctor to the compliance person at the special ed. department and left with the notes: Will meet again when compliance review is done.
We received a letter today from the compliance person that states the diagnosis is not sufficient as proof of a low-incidence disability.
His diagnosis is ASD, ADHD, Expressive Language disorder, and Impulse control disorder. He also scored in the superior range on the Raven Matrices test. The school has screened him for the gifted program and said he does not qualify; they do not accept the Ravens IQ test.
So...after all of this...what now? Our child advocate has recommended due process. Should we try mediation first? Everything I search on talks about if you don't agree with the school's evaluation. The school has never even done an evaluation.
Any and all advice and suggestions welcomed. We are meeting with our child advocate tomorrow to discuss our options but I would love to hear from other parents too. I just want what is best for my son.
Thanks in advance…Laura

Perhaps I am not understanding the entire situation, but I dont see what the problem is.

You say that your son has troubles, and I can completely understand that. But at least from what you posted, the school seems to be helping out where they can.

Is the problem that you want more services then the school is providing? And if so, what services do you think your son needs that he isnt getting?

Is the problem that you want your son in the gifted program, but they wont take him because they dont like his IQ tests?

It is rather hard to give adequate advice when I dont know what you are upset about.

O and by the way, dont worry about long posts, if you think that is a long post, you should see some of mine.

It is an old post but it caught my eye as a mom and a teacher. You need to gather everything bit of diagnostic info you have and email it to everyone involved. Then talk to your advocate about filing for mediation in your state. You have shown tenacity and it will be to your benfit to keep pushing.