Is the sexualization of society harmful to marriage?

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Ya know, the message of "have sex with whomever you want, whenever you want" (as long as its with consenting adults).

I think it harms marriage and erodes the meaning and structure of marriage/family.

For single people, it displays a lack of commitment to one person (I'm talking about casual hookups here). If you're living your life like this, how are you ever gonna expect yourself to make a commitment to your future husband/wife? Of course one could argue that some people are not planning to get married, but I think most people do plan to get married and have kids (maybe not many kids, but 1 or 2 kids).

For married people, I don't think I need to explain do I? You're supposed to be committed to your spouse and now you've focused your attention on many different people at different times. I mean, whats the point of marriage if you show no commitment?

Of course, I'm not saying that society should be EXACTLY like back in the days before the sexual revolution (I think they had other issues like gender inequality), but in terms of this component, I think it has gone in the wrong direction.

I think that, for women at least, the idea that no-strings-attached sex can be emotionally healthy is a harmful myth. Nearly every society on earth holds that women who engage in casual sex are "sluts", and even women who disagree with that idea on a conscious level will agree on a subconscious level. Their self-esteem will suffer, and people with low self-esteem can develop all kinds of issues (addictions, eating disorders, etc.).

What about men? Are you saying that they can sleep around all they want without any emotional consequences?

Why not?

In many parts of the world, a woman who is not a virgin stands zero chance of finding a good husband.

A man, on the other hand, can still find a virgin wife, whether he has previously engaged in coitus or not. In general, the bride would prefer her man to have had some prior experience, so that he will know what to do.

It depends on what you mean by sexualization? Women, especially those defined as the attractive ones, have always been attractive.

It doesn't really bother me, to be honest. I'd rather live in a sexually liberated society than in a sexually repressed society.

What does attractiveness have anything to do with the content of this thread?

I can handle the idea that "what happens between other consenting adults is none of my business" without turning it into "it's okay for me to cheat on my relationships". I do agree that confusion between the two is somewhat problematic.

The more pertinent question is what does 'societal sexualization' have to do with marriage, why is it a threat. Essentially, what do you mean by 'sexualization'. I do not think that thus far you have adequately explained the link that you are drawing between the two. Just because a women is considered attractive it does not necessarily follow that I will abandon fidelity to be with her. I am sure that you have a reason for linking the two together, I will likely agree with it; it just has not been adequately explained.

I'm of a mindset that I think neurodiversity extends to people's sexual behavior. I think that casual sex is going to be confusing and harmful for someone like me. My wiring makes it almost impossible to go for very long without falling in with someone in a long-term relationship. It's not that I'm exceptionally outgoing or clingy. I just have a propensity to "settle down," and that's the most comfortable state for me.

For someone else, that might feel like being "chained-down" or "put into a cage." I don't think it is good for such a person to be pressured into commiting to a marriage. What I think is healthiest is to try to educate that person as well as possible on how to protect oneself from nasty socially transmissible diseases.

I think that some people, also, are more prone than others to domestic violence. They should be educated on how to identify if they are having this problem, so they can seek counseling rather than having it escalate into the worst kinds of abuse.

Therefore, I can no more begrudge a person tending to be a "slut" than I can begrudge someone of having AS. It just wouldn't be fair. The right thing for me to do, in my mind, is to try to get people as educated on this as possible, so they can protect themselves and keep from harming others. Sure, I might be entitled to the right to think their behavior is "disgusting," but they're entitled to the right to see me as a "drag." Works both ways.

But by the same token, I don't think that a person who isn't programmed for going from one partner to the next should ever try doing it. In my experience, it can leave one feeling anxious and confused, or one might get accused of being a "stalker" for trying to get back together with a former partner. It's just not worth the fuss when you can do the sensible thing and settle down.

Last edited by WilliamWDelaney on 12 May 2011, 11:02 am, edited 1 time in total.

This is purely cultural, and true only of patriarchal societies. Look up the Mosuo.

The problem with sex in our cultural is that we live in a patriarchy, where men are obsessed about who their biological offspring are, so they can pass on meaningless material possessions to them. If there is no need to pass on material gains to your offspring, then there is no need for paternity to be certain, and therefore it doesn't matter who a woman sleeps with. Marriage and monogamy are just ways of keeping women as brood mares for men to be sure of who has their genes. Both are stupid, wrong, and unnatural to the human species (take a look at bonobos).

I just did. Looks great to me.


What could be better?


True. One reason for having kids is to have someone to get your stuff when you die.


True. Most of us have been conditioned to want our own brood mares.

It's a bit more than that y'know. =/ One of my teachers at my anthropology department who's a primatologist mostly says that what makes humans different than any other primates is the long-term bonding involvement from both parents in rearing children. Marriage and wedding is mostly just a natural way to make this official.

Also, n3rdgir1, i'd like to point out that matriarchal societies are not that different. I recall that in India, there is a strongly matriarchal clan (i might have to review my information a bit for the name, i think it's Toda, but i'm unsure about the spelling), and the women there can choose from many pretendants to sleep with, and they are not regarded as sluts, mind you. Their brother(s) guards the house they live in as a deterrent to would-be troublemakers (if i recall right, he leaves sometime during the night to return to his significant other). Now, if one of the sisters becomes pregnant, even though the father isn't required to stay and help provide for his kid (remember, this is a matriarchal society, so the child stays with the mother's side), he is still required to identify himself as the father. =/ I'll not go into the details of prescriptions, because they're rather complex.

Also, think about it. The need to pass material goods is based on what? Private property. As well as the need to keep it within the family (included in the definition of private property). Hence why the moment it becomes an important aspect of society (like it does in most of the Western ones), it becomes evident that paternity becomes an important aspect. Maternity is almost never contested due to the privileged relation she has with her offspring pre-pregnancy.

Now, i am asked if sexualization of society is harmful to marriage? To that I answer no. Although the institution might have eroded due to the decline of religious practice, the essence that two people should be joined in order to rear children (with a wedding or not) is still very alive in contemporary western society. That is why unless you have sufficient means to bring up your kid (and there's the question of salarial equality for both genders here), you will need a purveyor or a partner to make up for your financial shortcomings or just as a garantee. The other part of my answer regarding this concerns the sexualization of society. I will admit that it opens up quite a lot of complex phenomenons that we have to deal with. Overall though, there's some good and bad that comes with it. =/ At the very least, being able to have an active sex life before marriage "hopefully" (and i'm going on conjectural ideas here) gives the wisdom to an individual that after a while, it might be a good idea to "settle down" and lessen the traumatic episodes that having multiple partners might entail. It also makes them more sexually experienced and less liable to be stressed when comes to the time to do the deed, which is one of the aspect Kinsey helped Americans with (as i think i understood from watching a movie depicting his life. ^.- ).

Hmmm, i think i'll stop here for now. ^^;

I like my women without legal chains, and the traditional family died with the advent of the nuclear family.

Women are equally entitled to bag anyone they want, and they shouldn't be called a slut for it; doing so only shows that you are the product of your inherent Biological prejudice. Women can decide for themselves what they want to do, without male patronisation; down that road lies Saudi Arabia.

@Phil, don't gibbons do that to? They are monogamous afterall and both parents share responsibility of raising the youngsters. And as far as I know apes have long childhoods and caring for them is quite a commitment.

And to the op, I don't think society is more or less sexualised than it always has been. You'll find all cultures from different time eras made up their own ideals about things to do with sex. A lot of culture and society is centered around people's sex lives, a society that is repressed and prides itself as being as prudish as possible is just as obsessed with sex as a liberal society that allows public nudity or something. It's all sex sex sex.
And in my opinion having a more liberal society doesn't damage family life or the value of monogamous relationships, they will always be the same since many people choose to go out with 1 person at a time anyway. And promiscuity isn't a bad thing, if it makes someone happy then why not have casual flings?

Is marriage harmful to society's sexuality?