You may be a Liberal if...

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Yes. I am gonna parody the "You may be a Communist if..." thing which has been closed.

You may be a Liberal if...

1. You are against any kind of authority, especially when the nation faces a serious economic crisis that needs some desperate action to be taken in order to stabilize the economy.

2. You are progressive on social issues but do not relate to socialists or communists.

3. You proclaim yourself as a "leftist" despite your views not even matching with an actual leftist intellectual (the same goes for reactionaries who also call themselves "leftists" despite their ideologies literally coming from totalitarians such as Stalin, Pol Pot, and the Juche ideology).

4. You support "affirmative action" (positive discrimination such as reverse racism, reverse sexism, etc.).

5. You claim to be supportive of the class struggle but do not provide the material necessities for a revolution.

6. You spread a liberal agenda on social media under the disguise of "awareness" as a means of grabbing attention and solidifying your reactionary egotism, thereby making you a mere puppet of the rightoids.

7. You unconditionally support minority rights even if there are bad apples among the minority groups that need to be dealt with in order to prevent further social stigma against minorities who are suffering from the bad apples (examples include Hamas for Palestinians and Arabs in general and Israel for Jews).

8. You unconditionally believe that individual freedom is necessary, even if it may cause economic and social harm if given to the wrong hands (e.g. exploitation of labor and culture wars).

9. You feel the need to express certain private matters to the public, even if they may be distraught by the things you do in private.

10. You want to be "strong", "nonconforming", and "independent", when in fact, you are part of the new digital mainstream with millions of others who also want to be "nonconforming" despite the paradox that comes with the creation of a large mainstream that disguises itself as "nonconforming".

Bonus.

11. You think that because you feel like a minority that instead of affirming the minority you are part of, you instead try to gain clout by listing off the stereotype of the minority in front of millions of people for your own pleasure and not the common struggle.

^ In a yet poetic manner, you said that liberals have one thing and that is being open to new experiences. Yes, it is that liberals want new experiences but they must be aware of the dangerous hazards that may turn them against the communist society. The best thing to do is stop listening to propaganda on social media and realize that what we all want is to be left alone from the bourgeois elite and finally end this cycle of doom-scrolling perpetrated by mainstream neoliberalism.

I am SO glad I am not a Liberal, because . . . You May Be A Liberal If:

• An innocent person is shot and killed, and you blame the N.R.A. or the gun manufacturer, and never the person doing the shooting (unless he or she works in Law Enforcment).

• One day you label the President as just a "stupid hick from the sticks" and the next day call him an "evil genius".

• You abhor censorship unless it censors the Christian, conservative, and/or traditional American culture.

• You accept as fact that 'evangelical' is a dirty word.

• You accept as fact that "freedom of choice" applies only to abortion.

• You accept as fact that "tolerance" is reserved solely for those who share your opinions and ideologies.

• You accept as fact that "truth" is either irrelevant or relative.

• You accept as fact that "wealthy white males" are evil, but are willing to over-look the fact that Ted Kennedy, Bill Clinton, George Soros, Michael Moore, Joseph Biden, and Al Franken are all wealthy, white, and/or male.

• You accept as fact that 1 white among 19 blacks is 'Diversity', yet 1 black among 19 whites is 'Bigotry'.

• You accept as fact that 3 whites beating up on 1 black is a hate crime, but 3 blacks ganging up on one white is "... a just response to an oppressive culture that is dominated by wealthy white males".

• You accept as fact that 6-month old babies and little old ladies should be frisked at the airport, because focusing only on swarthy-looking young Arabs would be discriminatory.

• You accept as fact that 86% of all income taxes are paid by the top 25% of income earners, yet you still feel that the rich "aren't paying their fair share of the taxes".

• You accept as fact that 9/11 was an "Israeli conspiracy" and could never have been carried out by Bin Laden or his cronies.

• You accept as fact that a lawyer taking 33% from a settlement for his services is fair, but the Government taking 33% of your paycheck for taxes is "too low".

• You accept as fact that a mother's wishes for her child who had long before deserted his family should outweigh the wishes of the child's father.

• You accept as fact that a penny saved is a government oversight.

• You accept as fact that a person's gender, sexual preference, or race -- but not their ability and willingness to actually do the work they were hired to do -- should be the deciding factor in who gets hired or promoted.

• You accept as fact that a President who lied under oath, compromised with fanatical dictators, and gave military secrets to hostile regimes is somehow better for America than the previous Administration.

• You accept as fact that a tax cut is bad for the economy, and that a tax hike helps the poor.

• You accept as fact that a woman should make it on her own, without depending on her husband; but that if she fails, it is because of a "Glass Ceiling" and never her own lack of ability or willingness to do the job.

• You accept as fact that affirming a child's self-esteem is more important than providing that child with an education.

• You accept as fact that Al Hunt is the most informed journalist who ever worked for the Wall Street Journal.

• You accept as fact that all of our servicemembers are being brainwashed and manipulated into blood-thirsty zombies.

• You accept as fact that allowing a child to carry a Bible to school is wrong, and that encouraging interest in non-Christian religious beliefs is right.

• You accept as fact that an accusation against a Conservative should not be concerned with whether or not that accusation is a lie or the truth but should be wholly concerned with the seriousness of the accusation.

• You accept as fact that an increase of 1/2-degree in temperature within a time span of 50 years is significant; that is, a sample of 50 from a population size of 4.5 billion (0.00000125%) is statistically significant.

• You accept as fact that another person's Freedom OF Religion is an infringement upon your own rights to Freedom FROM Religion.

• You accept as fact that any conservative, wealthy, white male is more dangerous than any terrorist regime.

• You accept as fact that any form of bigotry is wrong unless it is directed against conservative, wealthy, white males.

• You accept as fact that being a Hollywood icon automatically means you are more "in tune" to world events than the leaders of any country.

• You accept as fact that being able to play the President on a popular TV drama automatically equates to "political savvy" in real life.

• You accept as fact that Bill Clinton was an "honest and virtuous man".

• You accept as fact that boycotting a Conservative organization is right and just, while a Conservative boycott of a Liberal organization is bigotry.

• You accept as fact that burning the U.S. Flag is acceptable, because it's just a swatch of cloth and doesn't mean anything, but that just flying the Confederate Stars & Bars is unacceptable, because it's a symbol of hatred.

• You accept as fact that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

• You accept as fact that capital punishment is wrong, and that abortion on demand is a right.

• You accept as fact that Capitalism oppresses people and Socialism liberates people.

• You accept as fact that celebrities and other media icons have the right to Freedom of Speech and those who agree with them have the right to Freedom of Speech, but those who dare to disagree with them do not.

• You accept as fact that censorship is absolutely wrong; except when it's applied to conservatives on college campuses or on talk radio via the fairness doctrine.

• You accept as fact that charisma is an appropriate substitute for honesty.

• You accept as fact that choice is an inalienable right, except when it comes to retirement, schools, and health care.

• You accept as fact that combat veterans are "war criminals", but an urban thug who murders in cold blood is just one more "victim of society".

• You accept as fact that condoms and clean needles should be handed out at school, but Bibles must not be allowed to come in at all.

• You accept as fact that Conservatives should be held to a different and higher standard than you are willing to meet yourself.

• You accept as fact that conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.

• You accept as fact that conservatives, like preservatives, ought to be federally regulated.

• You accept as fact that convicted criminals and democratic politicians who screw up are worth understanding and forgiving but conservative politicians and religious people who speak their opinion should be banned from public service.

• You accept as fact that demanding respect is more important that actually doing something to earn it.

• You accept as fact that doctors are over-paid, but ambulance-chasing lawyers are not.

• You accept as fact that doctors should be made into government bureaucrats, but that lawyers should not.

• You accept as fact that election won by white male conservatives was "stolen".

• You accept as fact that every misbehaving male child has ADD or ADHD and needs to be doped-up on Ritalin, and that misbehaving female children need only to have a little "time out".

• You accept as fact that every misbehaving male child needs medication and therapy, while misbehaving female children need only patience and understanding.

• You accept as fact that every problem can be solved by simply throwing money at it.

• You accept as fact that every problem is the direct result of the government not spending enough time and money to solve it.

• You accept as fact that every solution to every problem can be solved with bigger Government.

• You accept as fact that everything wrong in the world is automatically because of Conservativism, and everything right in the world is automatically because of Liberalism.

• You accept as fact that exaggeration and making up statistics to prove your point is a perfectly acceptable way to win an argument.

• You accept as fact that Fidel Castro was anything other than a petty dictator.

• You accept as fact that flashy rhetoric is a suitable substitute for sincerity.

• You accept as fact that Fox News is a biased network, and Al Jazeerah isn't.

• You accept as fact that Fox News is hopelessly biased to the right, but MSNBC, CNN, NBC, ABC, and CBS call it right down the middle.

• You accept as fact that freedom OF religion means annihilation of any reference TO religion.

• You accept as fact that Freedom of Speech and agreeing with what is being said by a Liberal leader go hand-in-hand.

• You accept as fact that Freedom of Speech is reserved for those who think as you do, but not for anybody else.

• You accept as fact that Freedom of Speech means freedom from responsibility for what you say.

• You accept as fact that Freedom of Speech only applies to a certain percentage of America, but not everybody else.

• You accept as fact that gender roles are artificial and being homosexual is natural.

• You accept as fact that girls should be allowed to go to an all-boy school, but not the other way around.

• You accept as fact that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUVs.

• You accept as fact that global warming today is inevitable just as firmly as you accepted as fact that global cooling was inevitable back in the 1970s.

• You accept as fact that government should make a special effort to hire members of traditionally oppressed groups, such as African-Americans (except for Clarence Thomas, Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice).

• You accept as fact that Greenpeace and the Earth Liberation Front burn down SUV dealerships or torching chemical plants only to help the environment.

• You accept as fact that group rights are more important than individual rights.

• You accept as fact that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear weapons in the hands of a fanatical hate-filled dictator.

• You accept as fact that having an open-mind means being "pro-Gay", "pro-Abortion", "anti-Christian", "anti-Business", "anti-Conservative" and "anti-Wealthy".

• You accept as fact that heterosexuality is a learned behavior, but homosexuality is normal and natural.

• You accept as fact that Hollywood can say or do no wrong and should be treated as such.

• You accept as fact that Hollywood is some kind of "supreme god" who can do and say no wrong, and should be worshipped 24/7.

• You accept as fact that hunters don't care about nature, but PETA activists do.

• You accept as fact that hunters don't care about the environment, but wacky Seattle folks who have never stepped foot outside of their local Starbucks, do.

• You accept as fact that if a Conservative is under investigation, it should not matter whether or not the allegations are true/false, but should be totally based around the seriousness of the said allegations.

• You accept as fact that if a crime is committed with a gun, the gun is responsible (and the gun manufacturer even more so), and NOT the criminal using the gun.

• You accept as fact that if a person makes more than you do, then he/she is cheating people and ripping them off.

• You accept as fact that if Martin Sheen or Sean Penn said so, it has to be a universally known fact.

• You accept as fact that if somebody disagrees with you, they are challenging or denying your rights to Free Speech.

• You accept as fact that if someone is getting richer, then someone else must be getting poorer.

• You accept as fact that Iraq was just a "War for Oil".

• You accept as fact that it is the right of even delusional right-wing wingnuts to indulge in Free Speech, no matter how crazy much of what they have to say sounds.

• You accept as fact that it takes an entire village to raise a child, but that a male parent is not necessary.

• You accept as fact that it's obscene that oil companies are allowed to make 8.3 cents per gallon in profit with gas prices this high, but would never suggest cutting the 13 cents per gallon they pay on taxes to reduce the price of gas.

• You accept as fact that it's sexual harassment when a conservative Supreme Court nominee makes a few crude jokes to one woman, but not when a liberal President serially gropes, fondles and exposes himself to multiple women.

• You accept as fact that kids in public schools should have to watch Earth in the Balance and read Heather Has Two Mommies, but no piece of literature with the word "Jesus" on it should be allowed within a hundred yards of a school.

• You accept as fact that lawsuits that deny any personal responsibility on the part of the plaintiff is justified.

• You accept as fact that making more that you do makes you "rich".

• You accept as fact that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson and Thomas Edison.

• You accept as fact that Maureen Dowd should get the Nobel Prize for Journalism.

• You accept as fact that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.

• You accept as fact that Michael Moore's films are "historically accurate".

• You accept as fact that Mikhail Gorbachev deserves more credit for losing the Cold War than Ronald Reagan deserves for winning it.

• You accept as fact that minorities could never make it without Affirmative Action.

• You accept as fact that morals and integrity should never get in the way of popular opinion.

• You accept as fact that more federal regulations will make your life better.

• You accept as fact that more taxes are an "economic cure-all".

• You accept as fact that mothers who are drug addicts should be allowed to have children and to raise them while they're addicted.

• You accept as fact that nativity scenes should be banned from public view, but that anyone objecting to pornography "need only look the other way".

• You accept as fact that no trees should ever be cut down, even if they're already dead.

• You accept as fact that NPR is the only really fair and balanced news source.

• You accept as fact that O.J.Simpson is actually innocent, but that Bernard Goetz is not.

• You accept as fact that only white people can be racist, especially wealthy white males.

• You accept as fact that others who are drug addicts should be allowed to have children and to raise them while they're addicted.

• You accept as fact that pedophilia is OK, but God must be banned.

• You accept as fact that people are born with sexual 'orientation,' but that sex (or 'gender') can be changed with a knife.

• You accept as fact that people are owed restitution for injuries inflicted on their long-dead ancestors (whom they have never met).

• You accept as fact that people are owed restitution for injuries inflicted on their long-dead ancestors by the long-dead ancestors of wealthy white people.

• You accept as fact that people in south Florida, who can't figure out how to work a butterfly ballot, ought to have the final say in choosing the president of the United States.

• You accept as fact that people should "share the wealth", as long as it's your money that is not "shared".

• You accept as fact that people should be rewarded for laziness, but hard-working people should be taxed dry.

• You accept as fact that people should do what you say, but not what you do.

• You accept as fact that people should not have to be expected to take responsibility for their own actions, especially in an oppressive culture dominated by wealthy white males.

• You accept as fact that pornography should be federally protected under the First Amendment to the Bill of Rights, but public expressions of Christian faith should be outlawed.

• You accept as fact that posting the "Ten Commandments" in schools will hurt the children, but promoting homosexuality and paganism "helps" the children.

• You accept as fact that pouring blood on a $1,500 fur coat is a sure-fire way to get your message across, but if anyone protests outside an abortion clinic, then they're the extremists.

• You accept as fact that poverty is cause by competition in a free market.

• You accept as fact that poverty is caused by the wealthy.

• You accept as fact that President Bush is too dumb to be President and Arnold Schwarzenegger is too dumb to be Governor of California, but the Dixie Chicks, Martin Sheen, Alec Baldwin, Barbra Streisand, Eddie Vedder and Jeanine Garofalo are qualified to discourse at length on foreign policy.

• You accept as fact that professional, working women should never be judged on their appearance.

• You accept as fact that protesting outside of abortion clinics is extremism and should be illegal, but carrying around giant puppet heads while wearing a t-shirt that compares Bush to Hitler is just exercising your First Amendment rights.

• You accept as fact that protestors outside nuclear power plants are dedicated activists, and that protestors outside abortion clinics are dangerous zealots interfering with a legal activity.

• You accept as fact that race riots are an acceptable means of promoting progressive social change.

• You accept as fact that racial hatred is wrong, but class hatred is acceptable.

• You accept as fact that raising taxes will reduce the budget deficit.

• You accept as fact that Ralph Nader cares about consumers, Unions care about their members, the ACLU cares about civil liberties, the National Education Association cares about education, People for the American Way care about the American way, and Bill Clinton cares about anything other than Bill Clinton.

• You accept as fact that religion is bad for school kids to learn, but think condom giveaways, and lessons on how to properly shoot up, are just what schools need.

• You accept as fact that rich people should not be allowed to contribute so much money to candidates for office (except for George Soros).

• You accept as fact that rights of gays, lesbians, drag queens (or kings) should be forcibly recognized, but rights of Christians or other religious groups should be taken away.

• You accept as fact that Rush Limbaugh and Michael Reagan are mean spirited racists and promote hate crime but Maxine Waters, John Conyers and Louis Farakahn aren't and don't.

• You accept as fact that Rush Limbaugh is just an entertainer.

• You accept as fact that Rush Limbaugh's listeners are mindless "dittoheads", but you have never doubted anything that you heard from Michael Moore.

• You accept as fact that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

• You accept as fact that Sen. Joseph McCarthy was "evil" but the American Commies he tried to expose within the State Dept were "heroic".

• You accept as fact that separation of Church and State means that religion should be banned from all aspects of public and private life.

• You accept as fact that society "owes you a living".

• You accept as fact that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

• You accept as fact that suicide bombers and other terrorists are "militants".

• You accept as fact that SUVs are responsible for the rising cost of gas.

• You accept as fact that SUVs are supportive of terrorists, but houses with 10-car garages are A-OK.

• You accept as fact that taking guns away from honest citizens will reduce crime by violent criminal offenders.

• You accept as fact that tax cuts hurt poor people and are uncompassionate but taking 30% from their paychecks is justifiable.

• You accept as fact that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

• You accept as fact that teachers should not use the class-room to promote politics, unless the teacher is promoting anti-Conservative agendas, then it becomes a matter of "Free Speech".

• You accept as fact that Bill Clinton knows how to manage your money better than you do.

• You accept as fact that terrorists and arsonists who burn down private property and harass businesses are noble but the troops who liberated Iraqis are war criminals.

• You accept as fact that that, even though more people voted against him than for him in both the 1992 and the 1996 presidential elections, Bill Clinton had a mandate.

• You accept as fact that that, in the early '60s, DEMOCRATS supported the Civil Rights Acts.

• You accept as fact that the 'progressive' speech is protected under the First Amendment to the Bill of Rights, and that 'repressive' speech should be prohibited.

• You accept as fact that the "all Men are created equal" comments in the Declaration Of Independence means that they are actually equal in ability (as opposed to being given equal opportunity) and no one should make a choice about them based on their actual abilities to perform.

• You accept as fact that the "right of the people to peaceably assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances" means breaking into military installations during wartime, stopping commerce, and breaking nudity laws are what the founding fathers meant.

• You accept as fact that the ACLU really gives a damn about individual rights.

• You accept as fact that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding, and not by rampant promiscuity of those infected by the virus.

• You accept as fact that the answer to discrimination against one group is to legislate discrimination against another group.

• You accept as fact that the answer to every problem in the Middle East is the elimination of Israel.

• You accept as fact that the best way to deal with terrorist regimes is to appease and compromise with them.

• You accept as fact that the best way to fix the government screwing something up in the market is with more government intervention.

• You accept as fact that the Bible is racist, sexist, and homophobic, but think the Koran should be required reading.

• You accept as fact that the case for global warming is proven without a shadow of a doubt, but that we need another century or two worth of evidence to figure out if capitalism and free markets work better than socialism.

• You accept as fact that the Clintons are paragons of ethical behavior.

• You accept as fact that the Constitution explicitly guarantees the right to abortion and gay marriage, but not the right to own a handgun.

• You accept as fact that the Corporations are evil, but communist dictatorships are "noble".

• You accept as fact that the Dixie Chicks and Tim Robbins should say what they want, but O'reilly, Hannity, and Limbaugh should shut up.

• You accept as fact that the first thing we should have done when Russia invaded Georgia was to take the matter to the United Nations, where Russia sits on the UN Security Council.

• You accept as fact that the four cops who beat Rodney King should have been thrown in jail forever, but the four thugs who beat Reginald Denny should be exonerated because they were merely acting out their frustrations at being victims of a racially repressive culture that is dominated by wealthy white males.

• You accept as fact that the Fourth of July is an evil holiday and refuse to celebrate it.

• You accept as fact that the Government should provide "entitlement" programs, rather than expect us to earn what we have.

• You accept as fact that the government should provide cradle to grave entitlement programs for everyone.

• You accept as fact that the government should tax every last bit of someone else's paycheck.

• You accept as fact that the lives of animals are more precious than the lives of people.

• You accept as fact that the meaning and definition of the Constitution should change based solely feelings or opinions.

• You accept as fact that the meaning of the Constitution changes with your moods or to suit your own ideals and/or agendas.

• You accept as fact that the Middle East crisis can only be solved once Israel is wiped off the map.

• You accept as fact that the minority should have the right to force their will upon the majority.

• You accept as fact that the name of God/Jesus should be banned and censored, except when spoken in profanity.

• You accept as fact that the network news is a better indicator of what "real" news is than talk radio, Internet news sites, and blogs.

• You accept as fact that the New York Times is a "beacon of truth", but Fox News is just a book of lies.

• You accept as fact that the New York Times prints all the news that's fit.

• You accept as fact that the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

• You accept as fact that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

• You accept as fact that the only way the tragedy at Columbine could have been avoided was to outlaw legal, private gun ownership.

• You accept as fact that the phrase "separation of church and state" is in the Constitution.

• You accept as fact that the proper response to ANY crime -- no matter how heinous or serious -- is counseling ... except for anything that could be interpreted as racism or sexism, and especially if the criminal is a wealthy white male.

• You accept as fact that the real hero of the Cold War was Mikhail Gorbachev.

• You accept as fact that the really alarming violence takes place outside the abortion clinic.

• You accept as fact that the really dangerous McCarthy was Joe, not Eugene.

• You accept as fact that the rights of the migratory animals are more important to you that the rights of actual people.

• You accept as fact that the same criminals who use guns in the commission of a crime will just hand them over to comply with the law if guns are made illegal.

• You accept as fact that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

• You accept as fact that the term "illegal alien" judgmental and discriminatory.

• You accept as fact that the U.N. is an efficient governmental body.

• You accept as fact that the UN is an efficient governmental body.

• You accept as fact that the United Nations should be the final authority, even in the U.S.

• You accept as fact that the war in Iraq is unwinnable, but victory in the war on poverty is going to happen any day now if we can just get the Democrats back in charge.

• You accept as fact that the word "unilateral" is defined as "without France, Germany, and Russia".

• You accept as fact that the words "to promote the general welfare" in the Constitution mean to promote welfare generally.

• You accept as fact that there was never, ever a problem with biased news coverage until Fox News went on the air.

• You accept as fact that there was no art before federal funding.

• You accept as fact that this article is a part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.

• You accept as fact that those who burn the American Flag is protected by Freedom of Speech, but those who disagree are not.

• You accept as fact that tolerance equals acceptance and anyone who doesn't accept a liberal cause is a racist or bigot.

• You accept as fact that tolerance of your opinions and acceptance of your opinions go hand-in-hand.

• You accept as fact that traits like honesty and character are "out-dated".

• You accept as fact that trial Lawyers suing big corporations with lawsuits that deny arguments of personal responsibility is a "good thing".

• You accept as fact that two or more consenting adults can engage freely in every activity except capitalism.

• You accept as fact that unwed teenage mothers should get a paycheck from the Government.

• You accept as fact that violent gun-crime would automatically disappear if honest citizens could not bear arms.

• You accept as fact that violent protests and domestic terrorism are how you affect change in our country instead of voting.

• You accept as fact that we can "spend our way" out of the deficit.

• You accept as fact that we deserved and asked for the Sept. 11 attacks.

• You accept as fact that we have no business saying how Iraq should be run and therefore Saddam should of stayed in power.

• You accept as fact that we in the US live in a police state, under a murdering dictator, where propaganda is spoon-fed to us like [we are] willing idiots and political opposition is crushed mercilessly.

• You accept as fact that we never gave peace a chance.

• You accept as fact that when a child is quietly and privately saying Grace before a meal at school, it constitutes the child forcing his/her beliefs upon others.

• You accept as fact that willful omissions of facts should not be considered lying.

• You accept as fact that women and men are basically alike and essentially interchangeable, that 'gender' is a result of culturally imposed norms, not innate, natural dispositions.

• You accept as fact that Yassar Arafat is a good leader.

• You accept as fact that Yassar Arafat deserves a Nobel Peace Prize.

• You accept as fact that Yassar Arafat really cares about peace.

• You accept as fact that you can give a dollar to somebody, without first having to take it from somebody else.

• You accept as fact that you can understand politics from Hollywood and activist celebrities without doing any research yourself.

• You accepted it as fact when Al Gore when he said he "invented the Internet".

• You accepted it as fact when Bill Clinton said he "felt your pain".

• You applaud Jimmy Carter for talking about Human Rights, but screamed and shouted when President Bush actually did something about it.

• You are a college professor at a big university.

• You are against any kind of authority, especially when the nation faces a serious economic crisis that needs some desperate action to be taken in order to stabilize the economy.

• You are against censorship unless it's censoring against Christianity, Conservatism or Western Culture.

• You are against sexual harassment except when committed by a Kennedy or a Clinton.

• You are against the War on Terror, but are only too happy to make millions of dollars by making movies about it.

• You are dedicated to helping the poor, the downtrodden and the less fortunate, but only with someone else's money.

• You are more concerned with Vice President Cheney's links to Halliburton than with Saddam Hussein's links to international terrorism.

• You are more concerned, more often, with the rights of convicted felons than you are with the rights of small business owners.

• You are opposed to a military presence in Europe, unless it's to bail out France.

• You are progressive on social issues but do not relate to socialists or communists.

• You are worried about how the French view Americans.

• You associate the words "model American" with "Bill Clinton".

• You ban the Bible in schools because of Church/State, then welcome Islamic and New-Age, and other religion teachings in the same school.

• You ban Tom Sawyer from schools for being 'racist', but you approve of My Two Moms as wholesome and acceptable.

• You begin every sentence with "I demand...", even when making a reasonable request.

• You begin sentences with the words "I feel..." when you actually mean "I accept as fact that...".

• You believe in freedom to choose except when it comes to retirement, schools, health care, and religious speech.

• You blame the NRA, and not the criminals, for violent crime with guns.

• You blame the Unabomber's parents.

• You call Conservative millionaires 'greedy' and 'exploitive', while calling Liberal millionaires "hard working", "creative", or "clever".

• You call popular assumptions "truth", and you call fact-based truth "propaganda".

• You can exaggerate the facts and make up fiction to prove your point.

• You cannot name a single NASCAR driver.

• You cheered and applauded when Clinton stated he "smoked pot but never inhaled" and at the same time, screamed and shouted when Rush Limbaugh admitted to being addicted to legally obtained medication.

• You claim that there is too much violence in the movies ... then you beat up anybody who disagrees with you.

• You claim to be supportive of the class struggle but do not provide the material necessities for a revolution.

• You claim you are "offended" by Christianity, yet you still partake in the Christmas festivities and demand a paid holiday.

• You complain about the SUVs and other less-economical cars, yet you parade around in a 5-mile-per-gallon limo.

• You complain that Fox News has a "slight Conservative edge", but say nothing about the far-to-the-Left Liberal bias of CNN, New York Times, BBC, ect.

• You complain that we never give peace a chance.

• You condemn Israel and the US for fighting terrorism, but turn a blind eye when another civilian cafe or bus station is blown up by radical Islamist fundamentalists.

• You consider the Catholic bishops noble and idealistic when they oppose capital punishment and welfare cuts but dangerous fanatics when trying to promote pro-life.

• You constantly cry about defense spending, but scream when bases in your areas are closed.

• You continue to trash America, claiming how horrible and evil it is, yet you refuse to leave.

• You couldn't care less about what Americans in states like Kansas or Virginia think of you, but you would be greatly upset if a Frenchman gave you a dirty look for being an American.

• You cry about "profiteering corporations", but still demand your weekly paycheck.

• You cry, "You can't legislate morality" while defending the Roe v. Wade decision in order to legalize your moral position on abortion.

• You decry every mention of Christian faith but demand a paid day off on Christmas.

• You deplore prejudice and bigotry in all its forms, but think that everyone in the "red states" is an idiot.

• You deride Bush for landing on a plane to boost moral and show his gratitude to the troops but you praise Clinton for using the military as a social program to force gays into the ranks and lowering moral.

• You do not believe that violent criminals should be subject to the death penalty because it's "inhumane" but at the same time, you refuse to lift a finger to save an un-born child.

• You don't believe willful omissions of facts should be considered lying.

• You don't think "All in the Family" is a very funny program, but watch it anyway because Michael 'Meathead' Stivic makes a lot of sense.

• You ever wore earth shoes.

• You feel a deep sense of common cause with oppressed groups, such as Hispanic immigrants (except for Cuban Americans fleeing Castro).

• You feel people should "share the wealth", but only as long as it is not your wealth that is being "shared".

• You feel the need to express certain private matters to the public, even if they may be distraught by the things you do in private.

• You find charisma to be an appropriate replacement for honesty.

• You find Christianity and anything relating to it potentially harmful to you and your children, but you're completely open-minded to Witchcraft, occult-ism, mysticism, et cetera.

• You find flashy rhetoric to be a suitable substitute for sincerity.

• You frown upon self-thought and independent thought.

• You get infuriated when you hear about the CEO of a Fortune 500 company making tens of millions of dollars, but don't see a problem with an actor, basketball player, or trial lawyer making the same amount.

• You get mad when rape victims' sexual history is plastered all over the news media, but demand Paula Jones' sexual history "must be made public".

• You get more upset about an American soldier accidentally killing a civilian than you do about a terrorist deliberately blowing up a school bus full of kids.

• You had to be told that "Manhattan," "menopause" and "boycott" were not sexist words.

• You have a problem with the mention of God in the Pledge of Allegiance, but have no qualms about it being printed on your wonderful money.

• You have always been constantly complaining, whining, and saying how much you absolutely hate this country despite the fact that you have been living here all your life and pay taxes and support the economy.

• You have an "I'm the victim" mentality, and you milk it dry every single day.

• You have ever agreed with Martin Sheen or Barbara Streisand.

• You have ever made a donation to Greenpeace.

• You have ever used the expressions "that poor guy," or "he couldn't help it" to describe a convicted murderer.

• You have ever wondered out loud, "Why can't we all just get along?".

• You have more nice things to say about countries like Cuba and France than you do about your own country.

• You have no problem with Hollywood movie stars flying around in private jets to give speeches on the evils of SUVs.

• You have not seen "The Passion of the Christ," and you don't know anyone who has seen it.

• You have stood for animal rights, but wear leather belts and sandals.

• You have used the phrase, "in Europe, the government pays for health care and vacation," without irony.

• You hear a news report of a man beat nearly to death because he is a minority or gay and you rally about punishing the bigot who committed the terrible act, BUT if you hear a news report of a man beat nearly to death for his money, and you start talking about the poor disadvantaged person who is forced to commit such acts to survive.

• You ignore more than 50 years of medical warnings about tobacco use, but when you get cancer, the tobacco company is to blame.

• You ignore that fact that the government can not give what it does not take from someone else.

• You keep calling it "Clinton's Army" and "Bush's economy".

• You like to say that you fight discrimination, then you turn around and give "perks" simply based on race.

• You mentally subtract 100 points from someone's IQ if the person speaks with a Southern accent.

• You named your children Moonglow and Arizona.

• You object to little old ladies wearing fur, but not bikers wearing leather.

• You only watch "All in The Family", because Michael 'Meathead' Stivic made so much sense.

• You panic if you discover that you're out of chick peas.

• You poke fun at the "cookie cutter houses" in the suburbs, yet live in the city, in a giant brick building called an "apartment", no different from any other in the city.

• You preach "peace" and "love" and "non-violence" and "anti-gun laws" but appear in movies that glorify guns, explosives and twisting people's heads of with martial arts to win over the bad guys.

• You preach about the evils of Capitalism from the comfort of your Beverly Hills estate.

• You preach about the evils of SUV's because of the gas they consume, then parade around in a 6 mile per galleon limo (Ala Hollywood).

• You preach against racial/sexual bias, but turn around and endorse Affirmative Action.

• You pride yourself on your global awareness, global sensitivity and global outlook, but can't name your state legislator or school board representative.

• You proclaim yourself as a "leftist" despite your views not even matching with an actual leftist intellectual (the same goes for reactionaries who also call themselves "leftists" despite their ideologies literally coming from totalitarians such as Stalin, Pol Pot, and the Juche ideology).

• You protest Ah-Nold's alleged "groping" of women while cheering when Bill Clinton admitted to sexual mis-conduct, you might be a Liberal.

• You protested American intervention in the Middle-East, because we did not have UN approval, but supported American intervention in Haiti, Somalia, and Bosnia, even though we did not have UN approval.

• You put a higher priority on oil pipelines possibly inconveniencing a few caribou than you do on lowering the price of gas for everyone in the country by drilling ANWR.

• You reach the limits of your talent and then complain that you ran into a glass ceiling that was placed there by an oppressive culture that is dominated by wealthy white males.

• You refer to anyone who criticises your opinions or questions the validity of your "facts" as a Nazi.

• You refuse to acknowledge any contributions to society that were not made by minorities.

• You refuse to admit that you're a liberal, and accuse anyone of calling you a liberal of McCarthyism.

• You refuse to ever fly the American flag or any other show of patriotism because this country has so many things wrong with it.

• You refuse to lift a finger to save an unborn baby but at the same time, rush to the aid and defense of violent serial-felons on death row.

• You refuse to wave or salute the American flag, because America has so many things wrong with it.

• You say you fight discrimination, then you give preference to in hiring and promotion because of gender or race.

• You scream about our dependence on foreign oil, but refuse to allow us to tap into our own reserves.

• You scream and shout about Christians ramming their beliefs upon you, but you say nothing when Atheists do the same.

• You scream and shout over alleged "violence" in Mel Gibson's "The Passion", yet you ran to see "Kill Bill", "Freddy VS. Jason" , "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and play "Unreal" and "Duke Nuke'em", "Grand Theft Auto", et cetera, and said nothing about the violence portrayed in those.

• You scream and shout when innocent civilians are accidentally caught in the cross-fire, but remain silent when terrorists kill them on purpose.

• You screamed and shouted when Arnold allegedly groped women, but cheered when Bill Clinton did the same.

• You simultaneously piss on our country and its system while reaping its rewards.

• You slam Arnold for his father having alleged ties to the Nazi when you have a known and un-apologetic Klansman and public anti-Semite in your own company (Sen. Byrd).

• You spend your days criticizing the use of private jets, SUVS, and luxurious houses that consume enormous amounts of resources and then ride in an SUV to the airport, get on your private plane, and fly home to your luxurious house.

• You spent Columbus Day reading "Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee".

• You spew out your rhetoric, but have nothing to back it up.

• You spread a liberal agenda on social media under the disguise of "awareness" as a means of grabbing attention and solidifying your reactionary egotism, thereby making you a mere puppet of the rightoids.

• You support "Affirmative Action" (positive discrimination such as reverse racism, reverse sexism, etc.).

• You support killing of innocent unborn babies, but rush to the defense of hardened criminals.

• You support low-income housing, until they start to build in your neighborhood.

• You support radical Judges who interpret what they "think" the Constitution means, instead of what it actually says.

• You support welfare for illegal immigrants who don't pay taxes.

• You take a trip over to a foreign country to profess how horrible America is.

• You think that because you feel like a minority that instead of affirming the minority you are part of, you instead try to gain clout by listing off the stereotype of the minority in front of millions of people for your own pleasure and not the common struggle.

• You throw down the "race card" as your only argument.

• You trust CNN for anything beyond the current temperature.

• You try to make excuses on behalf of terrorism.

• You turn a blind eye to the suicide bombings at the hands of radical fanatics, but condemn Israel and the Western World for wanting to keep their people safe.

• You unconditionally believe that individual freedom is necessary, even if it may cause economic and social harm if given to the wrong hands (e.g. exploitation of labor and culture wars).

• You unconditionally support minority rights even if there are bad apples among the minority groups that need to be dealt with in order to prevent further social stigma against minorities who are suffering from the bad apples (examples include Hamas for Palestinians and Arabs in general and Israel for Jews).

• You uphold a woman's right to choose, unless a woman chooses adoption, chooses to be a stay-at-home mom, chooses to home-school, or chooses to start a business.

• You use any of the following terms to describe someone in a derogatory manner: rich, successful, money-making.

• You want to ban and outlaw legal gun ownership, yet the same time, you want to be allowed to have armed guards at your beck-and-call.

• You want to be "strong", "nonconforming", and "independent", when in fact, you are part of the new digital mainstream with millions of others who also want to be "nonconforming" despite the paradox that comes with the creation of a large mainstream that disguises itself as "nonconforming".

• You want to legalize drugs but outlaw tobacco.

• You want to reward those who do not wish to work, and at the same time, punish those who do work.

• You want whatever you feel you deserve to have, especially if you didn't earn it.

• You wear more ribbons on your lapel than in your hair.

• You whine about religious leaders' involvement in politics, but only when the leader is a Christian or Jew.

• You won't even support English as our national language, but can't seem to understand why people worry about tens of millions of illegal aliens changing our culture.

• You would be more upset about your favorite candidate being endorsed by the NRA than the Communist Party.

• You would have supported the war in Iraq, if Clinton or Gore was President.

• You would rather have a President who spend his Administration caving in to terrorist demands to please and appease them, rather than a President who is fighting them to make the world a safer place for all.

• You're constantly seeing subtle, coded racism in campaign ads, but see nothing racist about blacks being hired and promoted over more qualified white applicants because of Affirmative Action.

• You've ever referred to the "root cause" of something.

• Your driver's license has a hyphen, because one last name just isn't enough for you.

• Your first response to the suffering of others is to utter the words "I feel your pain...".

• Your parents gave you an acre of preserved rain forest for your first birthday.

• Your response to anything Rush Limbaugh says is, "Well, he's fat".

(This list was initiated on 2012-08-08.)

You may be a Liberal if your name is Justin Trudeau.

[opinion=mine]

The whole Liberalism/Conservatism dichotomy is a joke.  No one can be wholly one or the other; there will always be some admixture of the two, and people are deluding themselves if they think otherwise.  This is why both the "Woke" and "QAnon" movements look like competing clown acts you might see on a public-access channel at three o'clock in the morning.

[/opinion]

only in usa it's called liberal(the left), eg liberal in europe is more the conservative in name only; like the rino's, free world trade for the multinationals and banks, free (slave/cattle) trade, free philantropizing for taxevasion , free wars for multinationals(payed by the cattle) more and more government rules to make the cattle pay the multinationals by force!
statism for corporatism, -to-the-bank-to-the-bank-
correction
Corporatism does not refer to a political system dominated by large business interests, even though the latter are commonly referred to as "corporations" in modern American vernacular and legal parlance; instead, the correct term for this theoretical system would be corporatocracy. corpocracy is an economic, political and judicial system controlled by business corporations or corporate interests


oh-well both liberal things are: big is beautiful, & big is best
big state big bank big tech big pharma