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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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25 Jan 2014, 9:39 pm

I've heard people say that no one should ever feel guilt, it's not productive or healthy and if they treated someone badly, they hate it when the person tries to make them feel guilty for it. Do you agree it's wrong to feel guilt?

How should people deal with guilt?



arielhawksquill
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25 Jan 2014, 9:57 pm

You should feel guilty when you do something that you yourself think is wrong. It should serve as a negative reinforcement to keep you from doing it again. You shouldn't let other people make you feel guilty for doing something that is counter to THEIR values, though.



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26 Jan 2014, 3:13 am

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
I've heard people say that no one should ever feel guilt, it's not productive or healthy and if they treated someone badly, they hate it when the person tries to make them feel guilty for it. Do you agree it's wrong to feel guilt?

How should people deal with guilt?
There's different types of guilt, and one of the worst is personal condemnation. It comes from all sorts of places, usually with phrases like "You'll never be worth it" or "Your life is pointless"...but they're all lies. However, some things are inherently wrong in this world, like rape, theft, and murder. Those who don't feel any guilt over such things are either mentally disturbed, or influenced by spiritual darkness.


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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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26 Jan 2014, 3:18 am

Moviefan2k4 wrote:
ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
I've heard people say that no one should ever feel guilt, it's not productive or healthy and if they treated someone badly, they hate it when the person tries to make them feel guilty for it. Do you agree it's wrong to feel guilt?

How should people deal with guilt?
There's different types of guilt, and one of the worst is personal condemnation. It comes from all sorts of places, usually with phrases like "You'll never be worth it" or "Your life is pointless"...but they're all lies. However, some things are inherently wrong in this world, like rape, theft, and murder. Those who don't feel any guilt over such things are either mentally disturbed, or influenced by spiritual darkness.

What I am talking about specifically are family members and people someone grows up with or attends school with. They might not always be that nice but they hate feeling guilty about anything. They resent guilt trips. Those are the kinds of situations I am talking about. Should people feel guilty about how they treat their loved ones or others in their immediate vicinity? I guess nobody's perfect and this is where forgiveness enters into it but where do you draw the line? I feel hurt by a lot of what went on. One time my friend told me she thought I wanted every single person to feel guilty.



Moviefan2k4
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26 Jan 2014, 3:35 am

If you've been malicious toward your family but haven't made amends on your side of the gap, I'd say some guilt is appropriate...but not to dangerous levels like cutting yourself and such.


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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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26 Jan 2014, 3:46 am

Moviefan2k4 wrote:
If you've been malicious toward your family but haven't made amends on your side of the gap, I'd say some guilt is appropriate...but not to dangerous levels like cutting yourself and such.

I feel like my family has been really hateful to me, and others have been, too and no one ever really acknowledges it and if I bring it up they accuse me of guilt tripping or being manipulative. It's like no one wants to ever talk about what they say or do and they don't want others to, either. They act like guilt is some kind of poison that should be avoided at all costs.
Some people don't seem to want others to feel guilty, either, and they resent it when they see someone talking about something that happened because they would never bring up anything that would make their family or others uncomfortable.

So who is right and who is wrong? Should people just drop everything, or should they keep bringing it up forever and ever?



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26 Jan 2014, 4:12 am

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
I feel like my family has been really hateful to me, and others have been, too and no one ever really acknowledges it and if I bring it up they accuse me of guilt tripping or being manipulative. It's like no one wants to ever talk about what they say or do and they don't want others to, either. They act like guilt is some kind of poison that should be avoided at all costs.

Some people don't seem to want others to feel guilty, either, and they resent it when they see someone talking about something that happened because they would never bring up anything that would make their family or others uncomfortable.

So who is right and who is wrong? Should people just drop everything, or should they keep bringing it up forever and ever?
Neither. You do your best to own up to any mistakes you've made and apologize for them. If your family won't do the same, or refuses your efforts, that's their problem.


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26 Jan 2014, 11:27 am

A lot of people encourage you to feel shame because you do not act according to their wishes. Often we internalise that regardless of any real wrongdoing. The guilt reflex should therefore be distrusted as a gauge and corrector for objectively negative behaviour.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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26 Jan 2014, 11:31 am

Stannis wrote:
A lot of people encourage you to feel shame because you do not act according to their wishes. Often we internalise that regardless of any real wrongdoing. The guilt reflex should therefore be distrusted as a gauge and corrector for objectively negative behaviour.

That's a different matter entirely. It's just people not getting their way so they try to make others feel guilty and it's very manipulative. Then there are those that go out of their way to commit wrongdoings and they never want to be reminded of what they did. They want to move on and forget. They have this aversion to guilt and the emotion might actually destabilize them, causing them to behave in unpredictable ways. In such situations is it better to just forget?



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26 Jan 2014, 1:03 pm

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
That's a different matter entirely. It's just people not getting their way so they try to make others feel guilty and it's very manipulative. Then there are those that go out of their way to commit wrongdoings and they never want to be reminded of what they did. They want to move on and forget. They have this aversion to guilt and the emotion might actually destabilize them, causing them to behave in unpredictable ways. In such situations is it better to just forget?


I know guilt can destroy you, but I don't know whether it is an ultimately useful emotion for correcting bad behavior. Are the people who experience guilt the people who want to be good anyway?



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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26 Jan 2014, 1:20 pm

Stannis wrote:
ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
That's a different matter entirely. It's just people not getting their way so they try to make others feel guilty and it's very manipulative. Then there are those that go out of their way to commit wrongdoings and they never want to be reminded of what they did. They want to move on and forget. They have this aversion to guilt and the emotion might actually destabilize them, causing them to behave in unpredictable ways. In such situations is it better to just forget?


I know guilt can destroy you, but I don't know whether it is an ultimately useful emotion for correcting bad behavior. Are the people who experience guilt the people who want to be good anyway?

It seems like what would correct bad behavior would be mentorship for some. It's more them needing someone in their life encouraging them not to do whatever it is. Some people don't need this they just know already. Others do need a certain religion, maybe not the ones that exist but definitely some kind. They need a moral framework to tell them how to behave. Self help books can benefit them. These are like a new religion and the variety is impressive.
Not sure how great a role guilt actually plays in keeping people from doing certain things. People usually do them, then feel guilty later.



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26 Jan 2014, 2:39 pm

Sometimes I will say sorry, if I get told off. But I don't feel guilty, and I don't think anyone ever expects me feel guilty either.


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KagamineLen
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26 Jan 2014, 3:56 pm

Guilt can be a good thing. People who are genuinely incapable of that emotion are known as "sociopaths". It is also essential when it comes to learning from our mistakes and forming our boundaries in the world around us. Everybody learns through degrees of shame and guilt to some extent.

It can also be a very bad thing. When we punish ourselves for eternity for mistakes that were made a very long time ago, it is toxic. When we punish ourselves and feel guilty over the actions of others, it is very toxic.

Finding the right balance..... That is the tricky part.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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26 Jan 2014, 5:21 pm

I feel like guilt has made my life confusing because I don't want people doing me favors just because they feel guilty. I would rather they do them because they really want to.

Guilt is a very complicated emotion from what I have seen around me. Sometimes, people who feel guilt will strike out in anger instead of vowing to never do something again. It depends on how strongly they are shunned or shamed, whichever. If the humiliation is great enough they will think twice before picking on certain people but seem to not care if they think they can get away without a public shaming or repercussions which has been the case in my life.

I think they feel some guilt after the fact but they aren't mortified enough before they do it.

Even if someone does or doesn't feel guilt, what's done is done and it can never be undone.



wowiexist
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26 Jan 2014, 7:24 pm

I think you should feel guilty if you have intentionally wronged somebody and it caused them pain. I think the best thing to do is to apologize or to do something nice to make up for it. I think that sometimes people feel guilty about things they cant control, and as far as that goes people should not feel guilt in that situation.



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26 Jan 2014, 8:24 pm

I think it's a good thing to feel guilty from time to time. Especially when you intentionally hurt other living creatures. It makes people realize they have done something they shouldn't have done.