One man’s experience of a female stalker

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I haven’t done that. I could say the same thing regarding posters who aren’t female. They may not appreciate the stigma they face. I said earlier in the thread that men are less likely to report. I’m not denying that, but these crimes are underreported by all genders.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 26 Apr 2024, 10:11 pm, edited 2 times in total.

So, who was this? Because this sure looks like downplaying those concerns.

blitz: Here's a specific problem related to gender tropes.
you: Everyone has problems. You're wrong that that one is limited to men, despite it being one that results from social attitudes towards men.

Unless I've completely misread your post.

When he said that there’s “definitely a stigma for men in regards to discussing this sort of thing,” I thought he was implying that there wasn’t one for women, especially since it was in response to RDF’s post which said that “in a way women who abuse their men are even worse.” Women experience a lot of victim-blaming and slut-shaming (among other things), and it’s a humiliating thing to talk about, so there’s certainly stigma around discussing abuse which is a large reason why I don’t do so offline. It took me a long time to even talk about it to strangers online. Women also don’t always receive much in the way of support or advocacy.

I didn’t mean to imply that men don’t experience more stigma in certain ways. I did say that they were even less likely to report although it’s an underreported crime for all genders.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 26 Apr 2024, 10:43 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Personally, I read that as them both recognizing there's social norms and expectations that women who are physically abusive can exploit to better get away with it or downplay it, but I can see your reading of it as well.

That's also not to say there aren't similar norms and expectations that men can and do exploit, although it's possible one of the bigger ones (the idea they're entitled both to be the authority and to physically correct the rest of the household) has diminished compared to the not-so-good-ol' days.

I’m sure it depends on one’s region and culture. It’s still quite present in some locations. Overall, it’s certainly diminished.

Absolutely.

The way I read it, TP was identifying with men or showing solidarity and empathy by saying she knows how hard it is to report. I don't see any evidence of dismissing or devaluing men's experiences. Of course women and men will internalize different messages and pressures regarding gender and assault during their lives, but most people are sympathetic toward all victims of crime.

I support all survivors, recognizing that we all have unique experiences and struggles, and have always done so.

Wow, I am glad someone has said what I was thinking, who isn't me.

It is difficult to make a point like this without it seeming like a personal attack, but you have worded it perfectly.

Thanks FXE.

I do not do that although I can see why you might like to think so for reasons which I won’t address publicly because I don’t and never have wanted to embarrass you.

I’m sorry if I misinterpreted one of your posts in this thread if you actually meant something closer to what FXE suggested, but I think it’s understandable if I did.

I definitely had the large text in mind when making my posts. It is easier for a woman, in my opinion, to deny wrongdoing or to shift the blame because of women statistically being more likely to be victims in a victim/abuser situation. It is inherently more believable with the statistics in mind at least on various forms of victimhood, to believe and to treat women as victims, particularly from an authoritative perspective.

Sadly, some women who are not victims or who are victims and who also who might be abusive themselves in a kind of bi-directional way, sometimes pretend to be completely innocent of any wrongdoing, as alluded to in the article I posted originally where the women was stalking a man, befriended his mates and was telling them he was a sexual predator, even though presumably he was not a sexual predator and it was her that was the stalker and the problem.

Men, being more likely to be criminals statistically, are treated more often as criminals (even when innocent) by the police and such. It's a cultural thing.

So you are saying that you could embarrass me but you won't due to having some kind of mercy for me? Okay then...

FXE seems to understand my thoughts better than you do. No offense to you.

I now see that TwilightPrincess didn't mean any offense by what she said. And I think this conversation going in the direction it did with victims of both genders getting so triggered is precisely why this is hard for everyone to talk about. It is a different kind of experience for men I will never doubt that. But women don't have it easy either.

I think it would help victims of abuse a lot if every victim could come together on common ground. But we live in a world where the system likes to "divide and conquer" us.

In another thread, women have made direct references about abuse they've experienced, but they've been called "misandrist" by male readers even when they don't state the gender of the person who committed those crimes, or when they explicitly state the fact most men are not abusive and they aren't blaming all men.

In this thread, women didn't respond to the news article by calling the male victim (or the OP himself) misogynist, even though the men used this opportunity to call women respondents misandrist ... yet again.

Why is there a double standard?

No, it’s just something related to another ongoing pattern. I’m sure you know exactly what I’m referring to. Behavior tends to change accordingly depending on certain variables, so it’s not surprising if I interpreted a post the way I did.

It’s not about mercy, just basic caring about other people in a general sense.

I agree with this. And guys? Please let's not do this. I can already see where this argument is headed. We all know what abuse is like ok?