Coming out at school

Post Reply New Topic

Hi, I'm Paula, I'm 15 and I just passed to the 10th grade (I'm in Argentina, summer just started).

For a month or two I've been wondering about my sexual orientation and I'm going around in circles, thinking I might be a lesbian, then being sure about it, then suspecting I'm bi...

One thing I'm sure of is that I'm not heterosexual. Is it too risky to disclose it at school?

My friends already know and they're totally fine with it. At least one even thinks it's really cool that I had the guts to tell her even though I wasn't sure... go figure, but that's good news for me.

But my friends are more open-minded than most -they have to be to like me with all my flaws and quirks- so maybe people won't be as okay with it as I might think. My school has pretty liberal and open-minded students, and there are some out people, but mostly guys, and lesbians tend to be less accepted.

Plus there's also the not-so-sure thing (if I do decide to tell people, it'll probably be that I'm bi, just in case).

Are any of you out at school? What do you think?

Its generally quite acceptable in Australia where I'm from.

I believe sexuality is a spectrum so I don't think expressing your bisexual tendencies should be a problem at all!

Your friends sound like the kind of wonderful people that would accept such a notion.

I'd just keep it to yourself for now. At around this age your sexuality isn't really set yet, so if you say you're one thing and then later it turns out you're something else, people might think you're something you're not. Also, while generally homosexuality is less persecuted these days than it was ten years ago, it'll probably make interacting with the general populace of the school a lot smoother if you only tell the people you think really need to know.

Personally, I don't feel it's anyone's buisness but mine, so I haven't felt the need to tell all and sundry that I feel I'm asexual--just a few close friends and my parents, in order to explain why I'm completely uninterested in going on dates and such. *shrugs* I don't know if I would feel comfortable shouting it out to my entire school--HEY, WORLD, SOLA'S NOT "NORMAL!"--but part of that is because I hate being questioned by strangers and am convinced that choosing to point out the fact that I'm neither straight, bi, or gay would open me to questioning by anyone I mentioned to.

I wouldn't announce anything unless I was really sure--what if you decided differently later? The repercussions could be pretty nasty--but if you really feel comfortable with it, go ahead. Attitudes towards non-hetereosexuals are, happily, beginning to relax, especially (at least, in my observance) amongst teenagers.

I think that's sound advice.

Maybe when I'm certain I'll reconsider telling people (I don't want to live a lie!).
Then again, it's been 6 months and 17 days since I first read about AS and I'm still not certain so I'm not a very certain person.

Anyway the kind of "coming out" I was talking about was a more subtle one than striding around with a rainbow flag t-shirt; something more like, if someone asked if I thought any of the guys in class was cute, saying "uh, no, but there are a couple of girls who are".

Still I'll follow all of your suggestions and wait.

It depends if you believe sexuality is set in stone.

I've told people I was bisexual..

As time progresses I get straighter, though much less sexually driven..

I told the same people I'm pretty much straight now, and they accepted it.

Meaning honesty has its rewards, I don't think parading it around is the idea, simply forcing something inside can hurt.

If you're always unsure you can simply say you're "curious" the only slang for bi but unsure.

I satisfied my curiosity, then realised it wasn't really my thing, some people never need to try, some are completely satisfied with their own sex, or the opposite, without ever facing the thought or curiosity.

I guess it all depends on you.

Excuse the spelling mistakes, tired.

I personally don't have a prob with a person being gay, as long as it is kept behind closed doors. People who are open about their orientation are just asking for trouble.

Agreed.

I might be very accepting of one's race, religion, sexual orientation, and way of life.

But does that mean that everyone is?

I go to high school and hear jokes and slurs on gay people, lesbian people, Asian people, and Jewish people.

In such a climate, some people might applaud your bravery, but many would find ways to make fun of you. You would become a walking target because you were different.

But then, you say, your school is full of "liberal and open minded students," where I'm on the edge of the Bible Belt. There's a lot of left-wing feeling in the air, but tolerance is something I don't see much in high school.

Do what you feel is comfortable in your climate, but be prepared for what may happen.

Yeah I don't feel prepared for that. I'll probably just be quiet about it.

When you say being open about orientation, do you mean not hollering it, or do you mean lying about it in direct questions?

I homeschool now(I left my school in the middle of 8th grade),but my siblings still go to that school,and everyone knows everyone's name and face there.

I came out in the 9th grade(last year).MOST of my friends are okay with it,but people there who don't know me call me a freak and a sinner.


-SpaceCase

Start by telling people who are closest to you. Don't come out to everyone, the rumour just goes straight around the school and it's not worth the fuss. (personal experiance of someone outing me to the whole school) and if you're not 100% sure what your orientation is, just say that. "I'm not entirely sure what my sexual orientation is. I know I'm not straight, but I don't know if I'm bi or a lesbian" or something along those lines.

Wow. Why are people prejudice? Funny thing, where you live, I would be persecuted because I'm ALL those things.

@jaguar-fan, I have the same question on my mind. However, I attend a Jewish school so I'm not sure if they may be as open-minded, but I can't make that assumption. I have no idea what I'm going to do.

I don't understand the concept of "coming out" about one's sexual orientation to anyone except perhaps loved ones. Who you like to stare at shouldn't be of concern to anybody else unless you are wanting people of whichever gender to know they can express interest in you.

If you do not want that, keep it to yourself.