"You need to learn social skills"

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I hate being told this. I worked on it for most of my life and I get kinda tired of it.

At the same time, however, I don't want to be the "incompetent" one out. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?

Also, do you dislike being reproached for holding odd views, thus causing you to hide them?

Unfortunately, even NT's need to learn social skills or else we would not be a civilized society and we would have chaos. Having Autism is not an excuse for bad behavior. If you learn anything, then at least learn this, because it will get your farther than any other skill. If you are having trouble learn and perfect one polite skill a week. You will get there. Work on the ones you seem to need the most. Make a list and prioritize.

You don't have to let everyone know your views, just those you know who might have an open mind and give you an honest discussion.

Social skills are a hoax! The thing is, everybody has their own style of interaction and it's important for parents, teachers, psychologists to recognize that. My experience with social skills training has been that it's all about forcing us to be conventional people, and forcing us to conform. I also never liked the idea of somebody watching you (figuratively) to see that you "learn social skills."

Who in your life is putting pressure on you to learn social skills? Is it something you're doing in school as part of your special ed or IEP program? Are you enrolled in a group that's intended to teach social skills (or even somehow about social skills)? My first advice would be to tell your parents (or whoever is responsible) that you don't want it. Unfortunetly because you are a minor they can force it on you. If they don't listen the first time, keep bugging them and tell them that the idea that you need to learn social skills is harmful to you.

I've been told this. "You need to improve your socail skills" Who tells me? My mother, father, and myself. I know I need improvement, so I'm trying to improve. But I do hate whenever people shot down what you say, but what I hate worse is being afraid of saying what your thinking.

My advice? Try to follow the advice of non-aspie people. And not kids, non-aspie kids are jerks most of the time, but adults that you trust.

I'm annoyed with poepl saying it.Why can;t I live my life how I wantto live it? I know it's for my own good, but I just can't do it. I need new people who will accept me.

What is said: "You need to learn social skills."

What should be said: "We need to open our minds a little bit and take in your point of view, not force you to conform to a pointless way of communicating with others."

See the difference? Which looks better to you?

Having basic social skills is very important. I had to fight like hell to get decent social skills, but it was completely worth it.

Social skills are basic rules of respect. Without them, humanity would never be able to get along with or understand each other. It is a sign that you recognize that the other person has value and deserves not to be treated badly.

When you have the ability and you choose to learn these rules and apply them, you are called high functioning and are respected as a sane and valued human being. People enjoy being around you and you can appreciate that others will treat you with the same respect.

If you deny that these rules are appropriate and think you deserve to be treated with respect even though you don't think the same rules apply to you, then you are essentially denying yourself a huge chunk of the population as friends. If you cannot learn and apply them, then you should associate yourself with like minded individuals and live within the chaos that "no rules" creates. Or consider the fact that no one will take you seriously or respect you as an intelligent, sensitive, thinking human being. If they continue to take the lack of social courtesy from you, then they will eventually not want to be around you. It is interpreted as abuse.

I thought that "courtesy" and "social skills" were two different thIngs. I was always good at courtesy (the "formal, stilted" thing), but that doesn't win you friends.

Social skills are a broad term that encompasses a general range of skills, that includes lying, insulting and speaking inappropriately. A basic definition from socialskills.org:

"Social skills can be defined as the set of skills people use to interact and communicate with one another.

Examples of social skills include: how to greet someone, turn-taking in conversation, skills involved in maintaining conversation, engaging in eye contact, to name a few."

Being polite is another general term for all of these skills.

I'm supergood at politeness but I don't think that's what people are talking about when they say 'social skills'. I think they're talking about political ability, knowing the right moment to backstab and such.