Please tell me, does it ever get better than this?

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Rant ahead:
I'm really not even sure what to write...I'm just sitting here and reflecting on my life and the things I've done. I feel as though the way I have gotten to the point I am at now is just a series of clumsy accidents and ignorant choices that I have made thus far. How I have made it this far without anyone realizing just how difficult normal things are for me (or if they noticed, criticizing me instead of helping me) I do not know. Now that I am living with my sister and am an adult it is blatantly obvious that I need a considerable amount of help. I've barely done anything with my life since I left my old "home" of six years on January 31st, 2014. I feel as though my condition is deteriorating the older I get. One of the major things that has been bothering me lately is my immature emotive capability and reason. Compared to my seemingly high intelligence it doesn't make ANY sense to me. It's as if I never grew up. I don't know if this has to do with my possible Asperger's. I have been told by many people that I am intelligent yet immature. That word used to upset me (ironically sometimes to the point of meltdown, where I regress to the state of, as my aunt put it, "A two year old.") because I genuinely wanted to be mature but I was/am incapable. The other thing that has been upsetting me a great deal are my issues with planning. I've had the numbers of local psychologists on my desk for a couple weeks now and every day, because I haven't planned a specific time (perhaps someone in the comments please suggest one so I don't forget?) to call them, I have failed at getting an evaluation and help. Now I'm just looking around my room here in the attic, which has been my abode for months now since we moved to this new neighborhood. I haven't even painted over these ugly wall colors yet. I'm just so unsure about everything right now. I'm just thankful that I have a place here to vent to people who understand what is going on and will not belittle me.

I'm sure it's much more fun to be what others call "immature". They're most likely using the wrong word. My parents tell me I am irresponsible whenever I talk back to them, though usually within minutes everyone realizes what I said was true.

It sounds to me as if you are beating yourself up pretty badly right now with 'shoulds'. And being labelled in unhelpful ways can certainly trigger a self-beat-up-should-fest. Of course you are 'immature'; no-one I have ever known has ever grown into their fullest version of themselves under 40, and I am guessing you are younger than that.

Could I suggest you ponder these questions:

who are the encouragers, the tank fillers in your recent life?
who are the discouragers, the tank emptiers in your recent life?

How do you tell the difference? You listen to what they say, and you notice how it really makes you feel after they have said it. Discouragers tend to make us feel heavy inside; encouragers = a lightness.

If there are no encouragers in your life, maybe the new year's resolution you could consider is to find some.
We all have basic human needs for positive attention, affirmation, the everyday forms of caring. You might find encouragers pop up from nowhere if you start looking for a group that you feel at home in, whatever that is. Meet Up? 12 step? Hobby interest? A night class course? Start the search somewhere. JUST START IT. I can't tell you how long it will take or how many times you will stumble before you succeed.
But each stumble takes you one step closer to succeeding. Don't abandon yourself; be your own best friend, and see the possibilities that you can open up for yourself.

You can't be that immature if you acknowledge your immaturity. I guess realizing it is the first step, though, what I mean is many people who are incredibly immature have no idea. On that note, being emotional and maturity are not always one in the same. That isn't in your control and you shouldn't be shaming yourself for it, you're not any less intelligent or mature as a result.

I've known executive dysfunction to be common in AS folk.. it's as if you know what you need to do, you know when and how to do it, but you don't. I don't know if it's a depression thing, I just know it exists. I kind of relate, I'm staring 2 bills in the face that I need to pay and can afford to pay, I'm just too lazy

Yeah, you're probably right about them using the wrong word in most instances.



Some people I know in real life have been "discouragers", always pointing out what is "wrong" with me. Anyway, I do have a few internet friends that are always there for me (one of them I met here on WP!).



You know what, you're correct. I guess I am mature in most ways, but I've always been a couple years behind emotionally. I don't guess that's necessarily a bad thing. As for my executive dysfunction, I think it could be a combination of the two, although my depression is pretty mild now.



Yeah, that's exactly my problem. I think I'll make the time 5pm on the 29th. There. Now I'd be shocked if I didn't do it. Sometimes if I make specific times for things I remember.

Anyway, I don't really want to "beat myself up" or "shame myself". In fact, reading it now, I feel kind of silly for being so upset earlier. I just had to get those feelings that I'd been having for a while out. I figure that if I do in fact have AS (or any other condition that greatly affects my mental processes) that I should simply accept that this is the way my mind works and that certain things I do may be perceived by others as "immature" even if they aren't. Also, it is entirely within my capability to at least start doing something with my life and reverse my "deterioration" a little bit.