Feeling Lost & Starting To Lose It

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The past two years I have been on a mental mending after a massive breakdown after being diagnosed with Aspergers. I have been doing ok, seeing my therapist once a month, seeing my psychiatrist every 3 months or so and taking 15mg of Lexapro for my depression and anxiety. Thats all well and good, but now the time has come where 'they' (parents) want me to branch out and do a bit of unpaid work in an IT department as that is my area, but I am feeling like I don't want to, its not the not getting paid bit, I just feel lost in life and feel like I don't want to be around much longer. Life is too stressful, living with anxiety for 10+ years you never get used to it, there comes a time where you just feel like enough is enough. I am not overly suicidal, because I know if I was I wouldn't be writing this, but I am on the edge of it. It could be the time of year, but I doubt it. I have taken up smoking cigars to control my anxiety and I enjoy a good cigar anyway so its a win win situation. Life sure is a roller coaster, but is it really a roller coaster worth riding? It all seems too much for me at the moment.

Take the volunteer IT position. It could be just the thing to reinvigorate you. If it doesn't work, quit. No harm trying.

I would recommend it, too, but only OP knows his true limits. It's easy to get lost in depression and stop taking opportunities that, even if they don't change your life, at least plant the seeds for future growth.

Don't let your folks pressure you into one-sided professional gambles. Beyond 18 YOA I'm pretty sure unpaid internships are illegal, they're always a gray area. Right now my insistence on actually being compensated is being validated by me. That is to say I'm a microsoft contractor with booked experience on basically everything else but clustering & aerospace. I hope to correct the aerospace bit.

For reference we're the same age. I think allowing technology firms to bank on being greedier than those they employ is a very slippery slope. Frankly it's just a horrible precedent to set considering our innate ability in these fields. Make sure that they at the VERY least compensate you with some nice gear, SW licenses or guarantees of passing you along to a more comfortable situation.

Has your treatment actually been successful if this IT gig is that anxiety provoking????
Do you need more med's, different med's, more therapy???
You don't sound 'stable' enough for this return to work attempt from a treatment standpoint.(stabilized BY med's)

Do your parents really GET what you are feeling???

Go sailing, or hang gliding, or teach English in China or do something else that's off the wall.
Sometimes an activity that takes us out of our situation can be a circuit breaker.
Then if it's still a prospect, do your CBT on the IT gig.

If you can't do it for you, do it for me. My motivation levels are through the floor at the moment.
Sorry if this sounds glib, I'm not in a good way either.

Actually unpaid internships are legal regardless of age as long as they fit within U.S. federal regulations.
They can even have requirements of 2+ years of industry experience, certifications and degrees (many if not most do now).

I'm not even "qualified" for unpaid internships and most internships for that matter now (or most entry level jobs).

@GeekInCloset
I know what you're going through.

I had a huge near total breakdown back in summer of 2010 and I was 25 at the time.
It literally shattered me into a bunch of pieces, which I came close to taking my life.

I had these near total breakdowns every 5 years growing up and then at 25, which was long over due (7 years since the last).
No one knew why I was having them and it was amplified by my horrible home life and then struggling in college.
I was finally diagnosed in Fall of 2010 and had to go on medication....
Sadly it took me nearly 5 years to find a medication that worked with me, with only one very minor bad side effect (grogginess in the morning) and bunch of good side effects.

I am still slowly piecing myself back together as most of the side effects of all the previous medication are finally wearing off (yes it can literally take years for psychotropic medication to leave your system).

Though the long term effects are still reverberating in my life, the last break down and the following medical roulette blew a huge hole in my college life that I might not be able to fully recover from (It held me back).

Time that with the economic meltdown, I was unable to get internships post 2011 due to all the requirements that went into place.

So now I am like many new and recent graduates, I am too inexperienced and unqualified for internships and entry level jobs.

Which is funny since I have an Associates in Business Administration, double Bachelors in Marketing (digital marketing focus) and Management Information Systems, with a newly minted Masters in IT Management (graduated this summer).
I also have many software skills....

My point being is you aren't alone in this world.
They say anything worth having doesn't come easy.

You just need to find your balance and calling.

I also know how big of a pain family can be when it comes to what we experience and deal with.

That's why legality doesn't make something justifiable. An undercurrent of exploitation doesn't just effect one person. I've studied twice as long as most CS graduates spent in college and I'm still working towards a living wage. Despite knowing psychotropics well enough to avoid those produced by self-interested corporations, my experience has been similar.

What you're saying is that you're unqualified to work for revoltingly greedy people you never even want to meet in square one. Been there, f**k that. Be an open source tester/contributor/poweruser and fortunes will steadily begin to turn your way.

Actually medication was my option of last resort.
I could no longer deal with crippling anxiety, depression and super OCD.
I also have other things that are repressed by the medication I take.
I'm better off by being on the generic of Cymbalta.

Right now the job market hasn't recovered, leaving employers with the upper hand.
This allows employers to over the top picky in who they pick.

Is there a GENERIC of Cymbalta?!?!?!?!?

the Pharmacist said no to me

pls answer

DULOXETINE
link

Yes, it came to market in the end of 2014.
It has only been on the market for about 4 or 5 months now.

As Androbot01 posted it's DULOXETINE.

Thanks to BOTH of you!! !!