My husband looks at young girls 24/7 ! !!

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Kati,

Glad you moved on if this was making you feel this bad. Personally, I think you made the right choice.

When an NT does this kind of thing (and I'm talking frequent, open ogling of girls and perusal of porn even after a committed partner has voiced discomfort) to continue the practice is at the least insensitive and disrespectful and at the worst obsessive or perverted behavior. Don't get me wrong. I don't have a problem with porn or looking at the sights. I don't think you're a perv juts because you glance at the boobies (ok, if you look for 15 year old tits, you are edging toward sick...all other behaviors aside).

AND you _aren't_ being oversensitive by being hurt--30 years is a long time, and my guess is most of the people who responded so definitively haven't experienced the compromise necessary to get a relationship to last that long. I've been married 22 years...I think my perspective is a tad different than most here.

BUT...this guy is Aspie. And while that doesn't give him license to be a prick, or excuse his insensitivity when his loving wife has expressed how it makes her feel time and time again...it may be a reason for some further consideration.

I only just found out I am aspie. All my life I was overwhelmed by sex. I never understood what the big deal was. Sure, I enjoyed it, but it was also usually painful on many different levels. Then I discovered somethings about sensory overload and I'm gradually putting all the personal details together (pm me, OP, and I'll give you the scoop if you're interested, but I won't write the whole personal tale up publicly).

Perhaps, and this is just a thought, perhaps your husband is unfulfilled with your sex life because the physical act of closeness overwhelms him. Perhaps (and again, this doesn't excuse him hurting you), it is more pleasureable for him to admire from afar...with looks or with porn than to actually have the two of you touch. Consequently, perhaps he has developed this fetish to make up for the problems in dealing with real touch.

_If_ this is true, I want you to understand that his "rejection" of your closeness is not a rejection of you, but of the sensory overload it brings. Also, if this is true and you want to work it through with him, perhaps you two could reach a compromise in the bedroom where you play out his porn fantasies without invading his physical space--go in the next room and put on a webcam show for him...take some naughty pictures and leave them in the middle of his magazine...do a live striptease but do not get close enough to touch. In turn, you should ask if he can return some of your fantasies--it shouldn't be ALL his way, right?

Just some thoughts. I hestitate to give advice, because real life is always so much more complex than what we can glean from a quick post. Hope this helps.

Divorce him.

My friend, she's already moved out. That's a huge step after 30 years. Huge. Please don't belittle her struggle by making it seem like something that can be decided by a coin toss. My guess is it isn't that simple or she wouldn't be talking to us.