Getting over infatuation.

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MXH
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21 Mar 2011, 5:16 pm

I've been for the past 3 months almost nonstop thinking over a girl. Never had anything like this in my life, I think it's infatuation but I can't really describe it more than a depressing headache with memories. I hate the feeling, I want the old ice cold me back. What can I do to get this finally out without letting anyone know? Every time I finally am out of it something comes to remind me, saturday I woke up and nothing, kept most of the day that way and then went to a restaurant. One of the waitresses looked exactly like her just taller, now im back in the hole. And that's just the most recent one, it repeats every 2-3 weeks or so.



Moog
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21 Mar 2011, 5:33 pm

Ask her out?


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MXH
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21 Mar 2011, 5:37 pm

Moog wrote:
Ask her out?

Impossible, we live over 1000 miles away. And even if we were next door neighbors I wouldn't.



Austerlust
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21 Mar 2011, 7:48 pm

Well I guess I can only give you one advice based on my expereince and that is, tell her so that at least you will have the comfort of knowing that she knows how you feel.

I did not tell what I felt for a girl that I met way back and I do not only sporadically think about her I also have dreams about her periodically and I have not seen her for about 9 years now and it is one of few things in my life that I really regret and when I say really regret it is not like it bothers me a little bit and move on, I feel it in my soul so to speak and it hurts really badly when it hits.

Tell her, even if she tells you to go to hell and act arrogant or brushes you of you will always know that she knows what you feel. Ask yourself if you would rather have that feeling or ending up sitting on your couch 9 years later with tears in your eyes and an empty stare on your face thinking about regret.



MXH
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21 Mar 2011, 11:42 pm

Austerlust wrote:
Well I guess I can only give you one advice based on my expereince and that is, tell her so that at least you will have the comfort of knowing that she knows how you feel.

I did not tell what I felt for a girl that I met way back and I do not only sporadically think about her I also have dreams about her periodically and I have not seen her for about 9 years now and it is one of few things in my life that I really regret and when I say really regret it is not like it bothers me a little bit and move on, I feel it in my soul so to speak and it hurts really badly when it hits.

Tell her, even if she tells you to go to hell and act arrogant or brushes you of you will always know that she knows what you feel. Ask yourself if you would rather have that feeling or ending up sitting on your couch 9 years later with tears in your eyes and an empty stare on your face thinking about regret.

I know, but as infatuation states it is love without a reason that is likely not to work. I think it is best to not say it at all. Atleast this way Ill have a reason to sit on the couch crying besides routine.



dunbots
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21 Mar 2011, 11:47 pm

If you really like her, tell her how you feel. If she likes you, congrats, long-distance relationship, if not, then you can move on, knowing it would never work out. If you don't really like her, then I see no problem. :P Just tell yourself to forget about it, and reason with yourself that there's no point in dwelling on it. If you can't do that, then you probably actually do have a crush on her. ;)



MXH
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21 Mar 2011, 11:53 pm

[quote="dunbots"Just tell yourself to forget about it, and reason with yourself that there's no point in dwelling on it. If you can't do that, then you probably actually do have a crush on her. ;)[/quote]
Thats where I am stuck. By the time I convince myself of how ludicrous the idea of us together is and accept the reality and eventually forget of her existence I am unwillingly reminded of her for some reason. Its just too odd for me, I dont even really know her much. We hung out for like a week together and she messed more with my head than lifelong friends have.



dunbots
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22 Mar 2011, 1:04 am

MXH wrote:
Thats where I am stuck. By the time I convince myself of how ludicrous the idea of us together is and accept the reality and eventually forget of her existence I am unwillingly reminded of her for some reason. Its just too odd for me, I don't even really know her much. We hung out for like a week together and she messed more with my head than lifelong friends have.

Do you talk to her often? If you don't, maybe you should, so you can see if you are compatible, and try and she if she has feelings for you. That could ease tension for you.



Last edited by dunbots on 22 Mar 2011, 5:53 am, edited 1 time in total.

MXH
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22 Mar 2011, 5:50 am

dunbots wrote:
MXH wrote:
Thats where I am stuck. By the time I convince myself of how ludicrous the idea of us together is and accept the reality and eventually forget of her existence I am unwillingly reminded of her for some reason. Its just too odd for me, I don't even really know her much. We hung out for like a week together and she messed more with my head than lifelong friends have.

Do you talk to her often? If you don't, maybe you should, so you can see if you are compatible, and try and she if she has feelings for you. That could easy tension for you.

Some good advice for a change! Shes not into online stuff though.



Moog
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22 Mar 2011, 7:17 am

Here's a classic... bury yourself so completely in an activity that you have no time or space to moon.

Use your mindfulness skills to notice when you're thinking or feeling about her and let them go, move onto something you'd rather be doing instead. Of course, this assumes that part of you isn't actually clinging onto your suffering, because in a perverse way, it keeps any bond you may have with her alive.

Cliche warning: Time is a great healer

This could be a wonderful opportunity to explore new and interesting emotional realms.


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MXH
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22 Mar 2011, 9:22 am

Moog wrote:
Here's a classic... bury yourself so completely in an activity that you have no time or space to moon.

For some reason this method of coping doesnt work for me. No matter what I do to try and forget it wont go away.

Moog wrote:
Use your mindfulness skills to notice when you're thinking or feeling about her and let them go, move onto something you'd rather be doing instead. Of course, this assumes that part of you isn't actually clinging onto your suffering, because in a perverse way, it keeps any bond you may have with her alive.

See answer #1, but also I think part 2 of your statement may have something to do with it.
Moog wrote:
Cliche warning: Time is a great healer

This could be a wonderful opportunity to explore new and interesting emotional realms.

I dont want to "explore emotional realms", these suck.



JusSumBudi
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27 Mar 2011, 7:39 pm

If she doesn't do "online stuff" and you don't feel comfortable talking about the stuff over the phone. Write her a good old fashioned letter and mail. Some women think it's romantic ;) :D



albertwesker
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28 Mar 2011, 2:31 pm

i've been overly infatuated by a girl that i haven't seen for 7 years, i dream about her often and think about her multiple times a day, she was the most attractive girl i ever saw in my life

she gave me every non verbal sign in the book, but i was too insecure and inexperienced to do anything about it, i can't seem to move on from not doing anyting, i also constantly wonder "why did she do this", "why did she do that", 'what was she thinking"

i sent her a message on myspace 3 years after i last saw her, she moved out of state but i was hoping to talk to each other and get some closure, she just ignored me which crushed me even more

it also gave me major paranoid thoughts, thinking that maybe she was just trying to humiliate me or use me for to stroke her ego

as flattering as her seemingly showing interest in me was, i wish it never happened because i can't stop thinking about it, and to make matters worse no girl has shown anywhere near as much interest as she showed



albertwesker
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28 Mar 2011, 2:34 pm

Moog wrote:
Here's a classic... bury yourself so completely in an activity that you have no time or space to moon.

Use your mindfulness skills to notice when you're thinking or feeling about her and let them go, move onto something you'd rather be doing instead. Of course, this assumes that part of you isn't actually clinging onto your suffering, because in a perverse way, it keeps any bond you may have with her alive.

Cliche warning: Time is a great healer

This could be a wonderful opportunity to explore new and interesting emotional realms.


i've had activities, doesn't work

hobbies and activities are just band aids that cover the wound, they don't heal the wound

the only way to get over one girl, is to replace her with another girl

7 years later, i'm still waiting for my replacement



MXH
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28 Mar 2011, 7:38 pm

Yea I think some are underestimating the situation. Ive literally never had feelings like this over someone. I dont even know how to properly explain how im feeling.



Austerlust
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29 Mar 2011, 9:49 am

albertwesker wrote:
i've been overly infatuated by a girl that i haven't seen for 7 years, i dream about her often and think about her multiple times a day, she was the most attractive girl i ever saw in my life

she gave me every non verbal sign in the book, but i was too insecure and inexperienced to do anything about it, i can't seem to move on from not doing anyting, i also constantly wonder "why did she do this", "why did she do that", 'what was she thinking"

i sent her a message on myspace 3 years after i last saw her, she moved out of state but i was hoping to talk to each other and get some closure, she just ignored me which crushed me even more

it also gave me major paranoid thoughts, thinking that maybe she was just trying to humiliate me or use me for to stroke her ego

as flattering as her seemingly showing interest in me was, i wish it never happened because i can't stop thinking about it, and to make matters worse no girl has shown anywhere near as much interest as she showed


Sounds alot like my situation as I posted above. Good that you contacted her though, but sad that she did not reply.