Confused, a little upset, and not really sure what to do...

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s**t hit the fan last night. I'm in a situation that I'm not even sure if most NT people would have the social wherewithal to know what to do with it. Obviously, being an Aspie doesn't help one little bit.

My roommates and I had a party at our house last night. For once in my life, I stayed relatively sober, which most certainly was a good thing. Everyone was sitting around drinking, talking, whatever... and all of the sudden my best friend's girlfriend comes over and sits on my lap, tells me she wants to have sex, and starts trying to make out with me. Now, keep in mind that this girl is both extremely attractive and extremely drunk. Also keep in mind the boyfriend is both my best friend and across the room. I did the right thing and turned her down... thank god I was sober-ish, it took the most self-control I've ever had to have in my life. I told my friend that his girlfriend was really really drunk and probably needed to go home. I didn't tell him anything else. Should I have?

That whole thing stressed me out quite a bit, obviously. Didn't help that I was a bit buzzed. After they left, I told my female roommate, who is also a really good friend of mine, what happened, which somehow led to me spewing everything about myself that I never tell anyone to her. The whole time I was talking, my brain was just telling me to stop, but my mouth wouldn't listen. After I was done, she told me she had gained a tremendous amount of respect for me, but when we all woke up this morning, she seemed really awkward around me. Keep in mind she was also fairly sober last night. What should I do? My roommate now knows some pretty f**ked-up things about myself and my family... also, I'm not the type of person that really shares what's on my mind with people in real life...

ahhhhhh... seems like I only post on this site when really f****d up things happen to me. Which seem to happen on way too regular of a basis...

I just hope last night goes down in my group of friends as one of those nights that never gets talked about again...

Your female roommate took in a lot of information at one time. It was probably too deep and you didn't need to give her a biography of your life. She is probably feeling awkward around you for that reason since she didn't ask for your backstory as you just volunteered it anyway. I would think this one will just blow over. I would think from your standpoint, your anxiety took over from having to handle a drunk girl who appeared interested in you.

As for the girl that was drunk while her boyfriend was across the room. She put you in an uncomfortable situation and you handled it well. You have nothing to feel guilty for there. You didn't say anything to this guy about it so there is nothing for him to worry about. This drunk girl has her own issues to deal with and you don't have to worry about it since it doesn't concern you.

Depressing as it may be, from what I've seen the sort of thing you describe is surprisingly common for NTs, especially young adults (though it's still not considered normal or acceptable).

Personally, I think you handled it appropriately. Though I'd add that either the two of them have an extremely "open" relationship, or (more likely) they already have problems (even if only she knows it) and she did it to spite her boyfriend. If the relationship were going well, even a drunk person wouldn't normally do that practically in front of him like that.

I don't know what you told her, so I can't even guess about why she's acting awkward... but I can definately relate to the part about continuing to talk while simultaneously thinking you should stop.

Just apologized to my roommate for spewing BS at her all night... she accepted and told me that she really respected my honesty.

As for the couple in question, they've been having problems since day one, which was over three years ago, and there's some question as to whether or not they're even an actual couple. It seems to change every few days. Undercaffeinated, I'm absolutely positive that you're right about her motivation.

No, your choice was pitch perfect.

I don't think you have anything to worry about with your female room mate. You might be surprised to know how much women tend to like disclosure from their close friends. Plus, she said she respects you and I am not surprised.

As to her awkwardness earlier, I'd guess it's a good-boundaries response on her part. She probably knew that you had reached deep in your conversation with her last night and she was trying to be a bit distant, this morning, in order to demonstrate that; just because you bared your soul to her last night, she in no way feels that she owns you now.

I'm pleased that you chose moderation in drinking last night and that it payed off. (This is the type of statement that your female room mate was refraining from making this morning. See how in this statement I'm kind of owning you?)

I agree with undercaffeinated, the behavior of your room mate's girlfriend is not terribly uncommon. But, I will add that women's motivations in doing such things is always about power. Getting physical with your boyfriend's buddy in view of your boyfriend is an attempt to own both men simultaneously while upping the ante at the same time. It's seductive, but it's ugly. Women who play this power game are more prone to do it drunk than sober, but ethical women will do it under no circumstances.

You know how ethical men are flabbergasted by women gravitating to jerks; and wonder how they get away with it? The converse of that is ethical women being flabbergasted by skanky women running sexual power plays against men and getting away with it. That's why I say your response was perfect. She didn't get away with it this time; no drama, even. Given your response, the appearance was that it just fell flat. Men who respond the way you did to sexual power plays appear, both, in control and self respecting. Way to go!

Plus; look at it this way:

Not my girlfriend, not my problem, that's what you said; by not telling him anything else.

Something similar happened to me with a friend's girlfriend hitting on me and my reaction was much the same. I think you did all of the right things on the night of the party. I do, however, think you need to tell your friend that this happened if he doesn't already know. If you did tell him and she denied it do you think your friend would believe her or you?

This is far from the first time this girl has done this... just the first time she's done it to me. It's been going on since they met, and they both acknowledge it. It really is, by far, the strangest relationship I've ever seen. How they can still even stand the sight of each other is way beyond me...

As if the situation wouldn't have been really awkward anyway, I'm the one who introduced this particular couple to each other hahaha

No. Not really... could you elaborate?




I've always considered her a good friend, and never considered her skanky per se... we all do dumb s**t when we're drunk, myself most definitely included in that statement. The more I think about it, though, the more I realize... my god, that woman really is incredibly manipulative, and I'm really glad I'm not the one involved with her...

What I mean is that having bared your soul to her; your roommate refrained from commenting on what you said and she refrained from taking the role of adviser. You said it; she heard you and she is respecting your boundaries, period. The awkwardness in the situation the next morning is; what do you say to a friend who told the rough truth about his background the last time you laid eyes on eachother? Breezy nonchalance would seem false. And since she chose to not bring up the elephant in the room (the conversation).........awkward. But the moment is past and most likely your relationship with her will no longer feel weird.

Gotta go; will touch on the other later.

I apologize for demeaning a friend of yours in choosing a shorthand word for what I was describing. I was being lazy when I used that word.

It happened again. She got really drunk at the bar tonight, and f*****g grabbed my dick. She says to me, verbatim, "Jimmy, let's have sex!"... I know I can't act on it because she's my best friend's semi-ex type of thing... but GOD DAMN IT she's hot. I turned her down again... I told her something along the lines of "That's a terrible idea, but I'm getting drunk enough that I think it's a good idea, don't say that to me again." She apologizes and says OK, but yet 5 minutes later she comes back over, puts her hand on my dick, and says the same god damn thing again! WHAT THE f**k b***h! You're still having sex with my best friend! I want to, but I can't! On top of it all, my roommate called me a creeper for turning her down in that way. Still not sure why...

I'm really getting sick of her manipulating her ex? boyfriend into being her little manbitch by pulling this kind of s**t... every time I hang out with her I realize she's a worse and worse person. I'm not even convinced she was even that drunk tonight... she only had 5-6 drinks, and most of those were beers. Granted she is only about 5'1" and not at all fat, but still... that amount of alcohol, especially spread out over a few hours, makes one tipsy at best, certainly not grab-your-boyfriend's-best-friend's-dick drunk. f*****g manipulative c**t...

Ha. I guess that depends; in college I was arrested/night in jail (in my home city, not college town) for drunk & disorderly on 5 beers over a three hour period. I was 5'10" @ 150lbs. Admittedly I was on the hood of my boyfriend's car and screamed when he feinted turning into an interstate entrance ramp and that drew attention. My alcohol tolerance has always been low.



As to the real issue; the actions of your "lady friend" put her into a category I classify as destructive; this is a grave classification in my personal catalog of judgements. Once someone in my acquaintance earns this judgement from me; I take it seriously. I avoid getting into any situations of consequence with them. In unavoidable contact with them (such as in the workplace) my dealings with them become very intentional (translate: well thought out).

Most folks who earn my judgement of "destructive" are usually on the narcissist continuum.

It's so bad... she dated my friend for almost 3 years, and then broke up with him because he wouldn't pay attention to her CONSTANTLY. They still live together, and although they both pay rent, her parents own most of the stuff in their apartment, so she uses that against him. Not that it was ever a very healthy relationship... anyway, I digress.

But now she pulls this s**t with all of her ex's friends. She only does it when he's around and she can use alcohol as an excuse. But yeah... that's kind of a lot of the time with my group of friends hahaha

I know what she's doing is "destructive". I feel like I can't just drop her as a friend though. She was the first person I met coming into college, and helped me out a lot freshmen year socially. I lived with her and her now-ex for 2 years while they were still dating. I'm also the one who introduced the two of them. It's not so easy to just cut someone like that out of your life over a few nights' worth of drunken indiscretions.

It's so damn frustrating... if any other girl (well, OK, not any other girl, but any other girl as attractive as she is) came up to me at the bar and did what she does, I wouldn't mind one bit. Momentarily I even enjoy it when she does it, and then I quickly remember what a f*****g s**tshow any attempt to take things further would be. Just.... gahhh... pisses me off. Especially since she knows my whole virgin situation too. You don't just f*****g TEASE any guy like that, especially not a guy you know is a virgin, and ESPECIALLY not if you're at a god damn bar and the guy you know to be a virgin is a little bit drunk...


Alright. End rant. Just had to get that out of me... since I can't take it up with any of my friends.