I keep feeling anxiety over where I am in life while at work

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My job involves a lot of repetitive motion so I get a lot of time to think unless I'm working in the room with three girls whom I talk to all shift while working. When I'm out at my regular station I get too much time to think and I start wondering what the hell I'm doing with my life

I recently pulled myself out of a depressive hole a few months ago after stagnating in my room for two years and then I got this job as a veterinary laboratory specimen processor on the night shift from 11 PM to 7:30 in the morning, it pays $15 an hour with benefits which of course is great for a 21 year old with no degree but it's not enough to pay the bills in this area and I think there's little room for advancement unless I go to school to become a lab technician, I have little interest in this field and would rather do IT work but theirs is outsourced to another company so I can't transfer into it and nobody was hiring me in IT due to a lack of an Associate's degree. I know I will eventually need to go back to school but there's so many things that make me get really really anxious like group projects and presentations and anything that has to do with math, I just don't know how I will do it or how I will fit it into my schedule

I pissed away two years of my life that I could've spent going to school or working and now I feel sooooooooo far back in life in general. It seems I hit the ground rather hard when I stopped myself from falling and now I realize just how far I've fallen in life. I don't want to feel like hopeless garbage anymore though, and I don't want to feel like I'm always settling either.

I don't know what I hoped to get from posting this, maybe I just need to vent and maybe somebody has some good advice

This is something that I can relate to.
I was 22 when I finally got my proverbial "crap together" and went back to college. I think it's because high school was very traumatic for me and I needed time to myself before jumping right into something else. The thing is, I ended up living on my own, trapped in a dead-end job (a few actually, I mostly did temp work).
It was so hard for me because I am very academic (although high school virtually robbed me of my passion for academia) and I felt as though I was selling myself short. I knew that I was capable and competant and that the current situation wasn't working for me, but it still took a lot of courage to buck up and pursue college.

You aren't far behind in life at all. Think of it this way, you know what you don't want to do! That's signifcant. You have been out in the working world and have gained experience - both work experience and life experience. It's never too late to pursue something else. I felt the exact same way that you do. I feels rotten to have that "left behind" feeling, but it is motivation for change.

I am the exact same way about group work and presentations. There are a few resources for you at the school: firstly, if you register with Disability Services, you can have special accomodations for tests and assignments and even possibly exemption from group work. Secondly, in my case, I spoke with a few teachers in confidence and reiterated some of the poor experiences I have had with group work and why I don't want to work in a group. I always added that I felt like I produced better quality work alone and didn't want my grades contingent on the competancy of others. In all cases, I was exempt.

You are not hopeless garbage, you are a working, contributing member of society. You don't have to fit the mold to be successful. I wasted four years of my life before I realized what I wanted to do... and even still, I'm not married to my career choice. The thing that I learned was that it's never "over". I can always go back to school and re-train for something else. In the meantime, I am finding a job in my chosen field as a stepping stone.

Don't let fear stop you from obtaining anything. I'm sure that you are very capable. You prove this by working (even in a job that you don't care for) and striving for something bigger. I'm sure that if you decide to pursue college, you will be successful... especially if it's in a field that you are passionate about!

Don't feel too beleaguered. It's never "too late". You've come this far and you've done what needed to be done to come to this point... keep going. You might suprise yourself!

Wow! $15 an hour!! ! (Says she who finally makes $10 grand / year, at age 33...and still can't pay her student loans from college)

The frustrating thing for most Aspies seems to be that it's very difficult for us to spend the majority of our days doing something which isn't tied to our deep interests...even if it does buy us some much-needed time alone. We define ourselves by our talents and abilities, and if we aren't utilizing those abilities, we spiral into depression pretty easily. The second part of that problem is that a fair number of us have amazing abilities in fields for which nobody in The Bigger World wants to pay anything approaching a decent salary! If you have IT skills and interests, be glad you aren't in that situation. The market for IT simply varies from one place to the next (as with many jobs), but if you can't afford a move just yet, try to spend some of your off time doing research: figuring out what types of IT jobs are most likely to be local rather than outsourced; what companies have a demand for those jobs; etc. A local small business development center, careers resource center, business or technical college, etc. are good places to check for information about this.

Also, I highly recommend picking up copies of the magazine Fast Company. It frequently has a lot of information about how cutting-edge businesses are using technology, and it would give you some ideas about what areas of IT are most likely to pay off as a career, and who would do the paying! Once you have that information, you can start investigating whether it would be in your interest to go back to school, or whether that would simply add to your burden of expenses.

Best of luck!

I'm not surprised you feel this way, try to see this as the first step to something else instead of a dead end.

Are you allowed a personal stereo at work? You can get audio books to break the monotony.

If you will get into debt to further your studies then make sure the subject is enjoyable or the remuneration is good, and ideally both.

Two years really is not that much in the long run. Life expectancy is alot higher now in days, and members of our generation are predicted to switch jobs very often! So if you are not quite in the right spot yet, do not be afraid!

You might actually find college quite liberating. You get to choose classes, and people are generally more mature and focused in their work (less "clicky"). Some classes are taught entirely online, and the only method of communicating with classmates is through chat. Classes at community colleges are generally less expensive; good for those on a budget!

None of us can change the past, so focus on the present

You are only 21, so it is not too late to decide what you want to do, then figure out a way to do it, then go forth and do it.