10 Aug 2014, 3:43 pm
Hi guys. I have been trying to get away from WP because I heard people were leaving. This place has been so great to me, but I got scared. I joined a few FB groups and they were mainly for people with Asperger's Syndrome.
It was AWFUL. I swear I didn't understand the typical "male aspie" sexism thing people were talking about until now. Some of these people think they are vastly superior, and I don't understand. I have been called an idiot, know-it-all, sociopath, lunatic, oversensitive, etc. There is also a guy who is most likely a psychopath in that group, and he openly admitted he thinks he is one.
I was trying to help this guy who is probably appearing "creepy" to women. He has been rejected so many times and he wants to have sex and make out with a woman. He isn't a teenager anymore, and he was suicidal. All I saw was stupid s**t like suck it up, be a man, there is no hope for you, you need to stop with the self-pity self-loathing, be a man, just say "hi" to women.
I was actually trying to help this guy. He asked me what to say to women. He even stated he had a monotone voice. I asked people for body language, eye contact, and what to say type of advice. It was SO HORRIBLE. These guys kept saying there is no hope for him, he's creepy, etc. They recommended the whole PUA thing, which was disturbing. They kept saying "stop being depressed, if I can do it, you can do it, it's easy, the best way to talk to a woman is when you wake up next to her in the morning, etc." Then they started bashing me because I said it's not helpful. They kept claiming I just like to start arguments when they kept spewing the same old s**t. The guys then kept saying I have no right to help a man "be a man" because I'm not a man. One even claimed women don't know what they want so that guy should listen to the MEN there and not the women. It got pretty hostile, they accused me of being uncivil, that I keep dismissing their non-advice. They literally were bashing that guy so bad before that he was talking about killing himself and how no one understands and everyone just kept going and going. They claimed they had empathy. 
The last straw was the mod. A mod got involved and said "This guy is in a long-term relationship with self-pity", and claimed there is no hope for him. These people claim to be "logical" and "rational", and continually dole out "advice" on how to just "get over it".
My mind is kind of numb. I'm trying so hard to understand how people can imply they are rational, yet be SO irrational. I'm also so upset that a mod would f*****g do that. Who DOES do that?
I feel like my "home" is here. I think I'm pretty civil. If I notice I'm not, I really do try to step away. I'm not perfect, but I thought all of this was ridiculous. I made a post like a week or two ago that I never went back to. It was pretty much about how some very high functioning (as in independent) aspies think they are better than others. For those of you that want to know, that was what the post was about. It wasn't really about *here*, it was about my attempt to find a new home and how much other "aspies" just plain insult others.
I really think I need to stick to the places that ban this type of behavior. The mods frequently refuse to ban people because "it's not bullying, it's free speech", yet they will ban people who get offended and speak up. I'm frequently told to just get over it and stop being offended. Hell, one of the rules is "Try not to be offended". What kind of rule is that? Why even have rules against something "offensive" like racism, religious "offenses" if everything is suddenly "free speech"? Are these aspies using this supposed "support group" as an excuse to be an as*hole? Or is this genuine lack of empathy?
10 Aug 2014, 3:53 pm
lostonearth35
Veteran
Joined: 5 Jan 2010
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,940
Location: Lost on Earth, waddya think?
10 Aug 2014, 4:01 pm
Support groups are nothing but trouble on Facebook, it doesn't matter if it's for a video game or for Asperger's. 90% of NT people on the internet, as well as the rest of the world, are never truly happy unless they're making someone else UNhappy for something they can't help being. 
If it's any help at all, I'm not planning on leaving anytime soon. 
10 Aug 2014, 5:26 pm
10 Aug 2014, 5:27 pm
Sweet Pea hugs 
Peahawk and I aren't leaving any time soon, either.
10 Aug 2014, 5:35 pm
10 Aug 2014, 6:28 pm
I feel kind of naive. Does anyone know what would make a closed FB group more....hostile than this site? There were like over 10,000 "aspies" on there. Maybe the mods are just sucky. *shrugs*
https://www.facebook.com/help/220336891 ... 57TI2LSJgU
The group is either public, closed or secret.
Only difference between public and closed is that only members can see what others have posted into the group if closed. It appears the mods aren't doing their jobs cleaning up the place and banning repeat offenders
I see. Yes, this is a "closed" group. I do know the responses there would have been banned or called out here immediately, but when I do it there, I'm accused of all sorts of things. I feel like it's possible I just have more emotional awareness. On the one hand, perhaps that makes me more higher functioning. On the other, I don't see my type of personality very often in the world except, well, here! I know, I'm analyzing it. Bleh12345, stop it, right? My mind just goes to these places.
10 Aug 2014, 6:28 pm
Peahawk and I aren't leaving any time soon, either.
Awe thank you. I just really hope more people don't leave. What is sweet pea, by the way? :3
10 Aug 2014, 6:48 pm
I don't get why people would accuse you of anything. That's the problem with social media sites. The problem here is internet trolls and there are huge issues which seem to be getting worse. Sites like these have rules which are enforced but Facebook has rules too but nothing is done about it. It's the same problem on twitter too, I know we are more aware but we have to teach ourselves to not feed the trolls. If we feed the trolls, they will not stop their attacks on people. Telling someone to stop won't work, they will retaliate relentlessly.
10 Aug 2014, 7:36 pm
I don't get why people would accuse you of anything. That's the problem with social media sites. The problem here is internet trolls and there are huge issues which seem to be getting worse. Sites like these have rules which are enforced but Facebook has rules too but nothing is done about it. It's the same problem on twitter too, I know we are more aware but we have to teach ourselves to not feed the trolls. If we feed the trolls, they will not stop their attacks on people. Telling someone to stop won't work, they will retaliate relentlessly.
I see. This makes sense. I have so much empathy that I assume people AREN'T trolls. Are there any identifiers? It seems like there are a few people who will follow me on discussions and do this:
Someone makes a comment, I reply (in a civil way, etc.)
Someone else challenges me with some unkind words (Like get over it, pull up your bootstraps type of phrasing)
This one person will call me a sociopath, manipulative, etc.
Another person will reply with a message of MJ eating popcorn and say "Here it goes!" or something like that
Extreme as*hole will swoop in and tell me about how wrong I am and yet how I think I'm a know-it-all and gets VERY verbally aggressive.
Are all of these people trolling? Should I just block them all? Someone else who I trust in there did say they seem like they are trolling. I kind of feel guilty for blocking people, but they now seem to follow the SAME exact actions every time I comment on anything. I tried to be understanding and get them to understand how their words are hurtful, but I'm just told that I'm too easily offended, sensitive, and I need to "grow thick skin".
Is this what twitter is like, too? I was going to join before, but I decided against it. A part of me thinks maybe I'm prone to being trolled because I'm naive, but I don't want to believe people can be such as*holes. I guess I have to be disappointed in humans again...
10 Aug 2014, 7:51 pm
10 Aug 2014, 8:04 pm
equestriatola
Veteran
Joined: 13 Aug 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 134,599
Location: Half of me is in the Washington state, the other Los Angeles.
10 Aug 2014, 8:25 pm
^ I will say this again, once more: I will NEVER leave this site, or any good friend- I want to do my best to help anyone. Remember, I support you all the way, through thick and thin.
_________________
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Feel free to talk to me, if you wish.
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RetroGamer87
Veteran
Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,975
Location: Adelaide, Australia
10 Aug 2014, 8:46 pm
I was actually trying to help this guy. He asked me what to say to women. He even stated he had a monotone voice. I asked people for body language, eye contact, and what to say type of advice. It was SO HORRIBLE. These guys kept saying there is no hope for him, he's creepy, etc. They recommended the whole PUA thing, which was disturbing. They kept saying "stop being depressed, if I can do it, you can do it, it's easy, the best way to talk to a woman is when you wake up next to her in the morning, etc." Then they started bashing me because I said it's not helpful. They kept claiming I just like to start arguments when they kept spewing the same old sh**. The guys then kept saying I have no right to help a man "be a man" because I'm not a man. One even claimed women don't know what they want so that guy should listen to the MEN there and not the women. It got pretty hostile, they accused me of being uncivil, that I keep dismissing their non-advice. They literally were bashing that guy so bad before that he was talking about killing himself and how no one understands and everyone just kept going and going. They claimed they had empathy.
That sounds terrible. If you want to help people with their dating problems, just stick to our L&D forum. I'm sure you'll never encounter that kind of sexism or callousness there.
/sarcasm
10 Aug 2014, 8:56 pm
10 Aug 2014, 8:59 pm
I was actually trying to help this guy. He asked me what to say to women. He even stated he had a monotone voice. I asked people for body language, eye contact, and what to say type of advice. It was SO HORRIBLE. These guys kept saying there is no hope for him, he's creepy, etc. They recommended the whole PUA thing, which was disturbing. They kept saying "stop being depressed, if I can do it, you can do it, it's easy, the best way to talk to a woman is when you wake up next to her in the morning, etc." Then they started bashing me because I said it's not helpful. They kept claiming I just like to start arguments when they kept spewing the same old sh**. The guys then kept saying I have no right to help a man "be a man" because I'm not a man. One even claimed women don't know what they want so that guy should listen to the MEN there and not the women. It got pretty hostile, they accused me of being uncivil, that I keep dismissing their non-advice. They literally were bashing that guy so bad before that he was talking about killing himself and how no one understands and everyone just kept going and going. They claimed they had empathy.
That sounds terrible. If you want to help people with their dating problems, just stick to our L&D forum. I'm sure you'll never encounter that kind of sexism or callousness there.
/sarcasm
The thing I like about this place though is that obvious insulting and hostility is called out by a lot of members. Does this make sense? It's not called "freedom of speech" They also didn't seem to understand how some of us don't even understand body language, which I find odd coming from "aspies". I think if someone legitimately asked on how to do things like make eye contact, appropriate body language, etc. people would say more than "Oh, suck it up" and consider that "advice".
Is the L&D forum really that bad here? I don't think I frequent it as much D:
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