Cant even succeed killing myself

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Sometimes I hate that I have so many people and a dog that love me unconditionally. I feel I'm only here to satisfy their existence while mine suffers.

I try to carry on but can't manage the in and outs of daily living, bottom line I failed at adapting to life. My paranoia and extreme discomfort accompanying every goddam situation make it impossible to find pleasure in life.

For f***s sake I'm an aspie and can't even manage to find a special interest to keep me afloat. I'm not even lucky enough to get that.

Three weeks ago I overdosed on heroin and spent a couple days in life support before pulling through. I was inches from death my body temp was 90 and BP 60/30.... I'm so irritated my sister found me and called for an ambulance.

So since I'm stuck here to duke it out for the sake of my family how do I even do it sober? Getting high was the only relief I could get from my sensory overstimulation. Now I'm expected to live and do it while embracing this ungodly uncomfortable body and mind

I was five days into suicide by starvation when somebody stepped in. I have demands put on me every moment of every day. I too used drugs to cope with ASD, and for over ten years. I too was under the illusion that it was helping me. Having people that love me made me more angry at myself, for being miserable and loved at the same time. I knew I was doing something wrong.

I have been sober for three years now and I will give you the hard cold truth of it. The first year is just awful. It does get better. Your ability to handle things gets so much better. Emotional stability gets better. Your freedom from chemical addiction is like getting released from jail. I still think about getting trashed but I know what it costed me. I got my mind back and the realization that I was living without it, was worse than anything life with ASD had. Everything gets better the longer you remain sober because you return to your natural functional state. This natural state is what people need to feel right.

Your senses will go haywire as your body longs for the quick fix. Do not worry so much about responding to these waves of feelings as they will dissipate and grow less intense and less frequent as time passes. They will go away. Like a huge splash becomes a still pond, you will return, in time, to your natural state and this feels better than anything.

Most people who survive and overcome the drug path in life, end up with the same solution. Meditation.

As long as you are waiting for time to pass, set up a meditation time every morning. Explore your physical limits as well as mental. Breathe deep and continuous as you slowly stretch in all directions. Get crazy silly with it like balancing on one leg and then the other. Make it fun.
While you do this think about one thing at a time that is bothering you.
(True meditation will become the absence of thought but let us clean up the place first.)
For reasons that I do not understand, balancing the body helps me balance my mind.
Do it again whenever you feel like getting high.
Be nice to yourself. Volunteer some work and take no payment. This can help balance your spirit.

Stay with me here because this may sound corny:

Balance your body, mind, and spirit.

The three need to work together in thoughts, actions, and intentions.

This was how I kicked addiction.
I do this daily and still have a long way to go but this road is so much nicer.
I got no professional help and I probably need it. I just thought I would share what I did because I feel like I have been right where you are now and I clawed my way to this point, alone. I could be wrong but what do you really have to loose now?