Meltdowns over people and biting myself

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I’ve been getting meltdowns almost daily when people start talking about my life and don’t even include me in the conversation.

As if they know what’s best for me and I don’t. They call my husband and start telling him how they think we should run our lives and it drives me crazy when he just listens to them so calmly like he’s not at all offended or bothered by it. He doesn’t take their “advice” but he listens and doesn’t tell them that it’s none of their business!! ! And unfortunately today I was in the car and the person was on speakerphone and I heard the whole convo and I tried to plug my ears with my fingers but I could still hear things and it just made me even more mad and livid and I wanted to scream. I was screaming inside and when my hubby went down to get something from the store and I waited inside I bit myself like I usually do to calm my rage but it just makes me CRAZY that he doesn’t seem to mind all the phone calls and all these people thinking they know what’s best for US!! !! !!

What kind of advice are you hearing?

I am practicing distancing myself from bad advice right now. Like you, my impulse is to "DO!" something about it (call "BS"). This happens for me in both my personal and professional lives. Instead, I am practicing putting the offensive input into a "BS" bucket (and simply disregarding it). That said, I am standing up for myself more, e.g. steering the conversation in a way that's useful to me, or else getting off the phone.

My husband is similar to yours. He's really good with the bucket, so it's for him to call "BS" more.

The world is full of good people who like to offer advice to be helpful. They probably saw that you were struggling and just wanted to help. It sounds like you're suffering from a high level of stress. Stress alters thinking and can cause people to automatically reject good advice or be unable to know what's best for them. Your husband doesn't tell them it's none of their business because that would be wrong (it's rude and inappropriate to attack people trying to help you regardless of how you are feeling). If you tried following their advice, you may find in helpful. It's not good for your physical or mental health to be so angry and stressed out all the time. One thing that really helped me was learning that everyone is responsible for their own emotions. No one can make you angry. He's calm because he's thinking rationally and knows it's not a big deal, they're just trying to help. CBT is a very effective treatment for anger problems. It can teach you how to think rationally so that you don't get angry when people are trying to help you.

Been there. Totally understand. Depending on the situation could be totally warranted n frustrating.


Also My elder who is the best person possible to me also bites himself as relief from being ignored... not included in something relevant to him... Stress like being in a busy environment...mistreatment etc..
I say unravelling how u feel and why (example: from list of past occurrences of being ignored that led to bad results and the general indignity of not being respected)


And going over it to explain to a therapist like on betterhelp dot com ..or a very trustworthy good at handling ppl person who treats u wirh respect
.might work


Why? Bcuz therapist then helps work out solution n if u ask will give ways to express this to ur husband n other solutions including how to phrase what YOU think ..
N how to handle the frustration too when these things happen