sandwich
My Daughter just got out of the hospital with a MS flare-up. My dad has had two strokes, has a heart condition, takes a blood thinner, I think it is coumadin, and so could bleed to death if he falls. And he falls. I am trying to manage my own ADHD, Autism, Anxiety, and keep up on self care and work. My oldest is living at home finishing his college degree one class at a time. My youngest is trying to finish 8th grade and enter HS.
The call this the "Sandwich generation". Still caring for the young ones and suddenly (or not so suddenly) caring for the old ones.
It is hard. Not any one thing. But they keep coming.
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ADHD-I(diagnosed) ASD-HF(diagnosed)
RDOS scores - Aspie score 131/200 - neurotypical score 69/200 - very likely Aspie
SF,
I hear you. Things are tough when you have aging parents. Things are tough when you have none. Things are tough looking after kids. Things are tough when you have none.
My mom died slowly over 5 years of pancreatic cancer.
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ADHD-I(diagnosed) ASD-HF(diagnosed)
RDOS scores - Aspie score 131/200 - neurotypical score 69/200 - very likely Aspie
My condolences to you. When did this happen? How did you keep up self-care while you were care-giving?
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ADHD-I(diagnosed) ASD-HF(diagnosed)
RDOS scores - Aspie score 131/200 - neurotypical score 69/200 - very likely Aspie
we are not the first generations to go through this, and often with less support (think of when most of the men in the country were off somewhere fighting a war). Yes, life is incredibly tough and some of us have trials and troubles that are painfully indescribably awful. Chronic illness, health, money problems, so much more are what is referred to as "the human condition" We all have struggles. Some of us have incredibly heavy burdens to bear.
Hope you can find the support you need. It is OK to reach out for help, and there are many helps available in all but the least developed countries today. If you find you can't do it alone, it is OK to seek the help of others.
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https://oldladywithautism.blog/
"Curiosity is one of the permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect.” Samuel Johnson
Thank you for your response. Yes, it can be quite challenging juggling everything. Finding time for myself is rare, but I try to carve out small moments whenever I can. How do you manage your busy life?
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ADHD-I(diagnosed) ASD-HF(diagnosed)
RDOS scores - Aspie score 131/200 - neurotypical score 69/200 - very likely Aspie
Hope you can find the support you need. It is OK to reach out for help, and there are many helps available in all but the least developed countries today. If you find you can't do it alone, it is OK to seek the help of others.
Thank you for your perspective. You're right, previous generations faced their own challenges, often with fewer resources. I appreciate the reminder that it's okay to ask for help when needed. Sometimes, reaching out can make all the difference.
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ADHD-I(diagnosed) ASD-HF(diagnosed)
RDOS scores - Aspie score 131/200 - neurotypical score 69/200 - very likely Aspie
I'd come home during lunch time for two hours and then go back to work.
Good luck with keeping up with all that.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I had a friend die of ALS. Your experience sounds incredibly challenging, and I admire your strength in managing such difficult circumstances. Your words of encouragement mean a lot to me. Wishing you all the best.
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ADHD-I(diagnosed) ASD-HF(diagnosed)
RDOS scores - Aspie score 131/200 - neurotypical score 69/200 - very likely Aspie
goldfish21
Veteran
Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,612
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Yep, that’s hard. At least your youngest is plenty old enough to make their own sandwich and help out with household chores etc vs having Very young ones to tend to while dealing with the elderly.
I sometimes used to think it was a shame I’d likely never have kids because I like kids and I’m good with them and kids like me. But I’ve long since gotten over that and accept that I can be a very good god father and uncle to a bunch of kids and just pop in and out of their lives, spoil them with gifts, spend some time with them, help out the older ones as needed etc and then get back to my own life w/o the full time commitment of dealing with a kid or two or more. Definitely would have made being there for my father in his final
days significantly more challenging. No thanks.
If I had kids 13-20 something I’d be delegating things to them to do to split the workload while I dealt with the parent(s). Previous generations’ kids had a Lot more work to do to contribute to the family farm/household etc, so I wouldn’t feel bad one bit about upping expectations of cooperation from grown kids. That’s me, though, and how I would manage getting through it.
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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.
My condolences to you. When did this happen? How did you keep up self-care while you were care-giving?
My boyfriend died in 2015, my father in 2018, and my mother in 2021. With my father and my mother my sister was there too, and we were at her house. With my boyfriend, there was a home health aide 3 to 4 hours a day on weekdays, and our friends would also come by. He was only incapacitated for the last two months of his life. But there was really no possibility of self care. It was all I could do to just try to get some sleep. It's like taking care of a baby who weighs 200 pounds and can talk and ask for things.