Am I an embarrassment for not owning a house e.g. ?
I seem to think that should I feel like an embarrassment as a grown man still living with a divorced parent and her partner and not having or getting my own place ? To be honest, I do get annoyed when some people berate those in their 20s, 30s or older who are still living with their parents. The thing is, I do work and pay rent towards the house we live in and I seem to feel like I still have little interest in leaving and moving into some small apartment somewhere when the house we live is comfortable and has more spaces and a garden. I know obviously that one day I will be on my own at some point in my life.
I don't know if its just because I'm comfortable where I am and don't have that inclination or determination unlike other adults like me or younger to have our ''own'' place. I don't know how many other people in their 20s or 30s have their own places, kids, married etc and there is still a part of me that feels ''left out'' as though I ''assume'' that they are when they probably are not, as I clearly don't know. I do know of some people like my sister who is 30, has her own place which my dad helped her get and is currently staying round ours as the house is being worked on and my uncle's daughter, who is a solicitor and in probably in her late 20s I think, lives with her boyfriend in their own house, although I think they are now moving into a new one.
The only way to be you is to be you. And it is not just the expectations of others, it is the expectations of oneself.
I don't care what religious beliefs you have. Go at it. Love your god or goddess or God or pantheon.
It is not about love, but respect. It is ok. To be you. And that is "different"
The house thing? Meh. Just figure out what you want and get it.
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an owl caught in a spider's web
No.not at all. I've rented for most of my adult life, and I regret it. I'm with my own family in our own (rented) home now, and we are about to be forced out for the 2nd time in 3 years, because the owners decided to renovate and rent out at a higher rate --- and the rent is too high anyway, even after moving a cheaper neighborhood.
If you are looking to move out, I would consider saving and purchasing before renting, especially if you are established and settled in your area. In our case, even with a minimal down-payment we've reached the point where the mortgage is more affordable than rent (and in the end you'll end up with property that you own, and has monetary value).
But to get to the point of your question, don't feel bad. It's f----ing tough out there right now, make sure you dont make it so tough on yourself you cant handle it. It wasn't that long ago where it was actually more common for 3 generations of family to live under one roof.
Edit: I'm sorry, I wrote that with an American bias. I am aware of the UK energy costs, but I'm fairly ignorant on property values and real estate. I would still not feel bad about this, as the pressure to be a homeowner feels like a guilt trip. Real estate FOMO.
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Last edited by j_k on 26 Mar 2024, 4:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
funeralxempire
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If you are looking to move out, I would consider saving and purchasing before renting, especially if you are established and settled in your area. In our case, even with a minimal down-payment we've reached the point where the mortgage is more affordable than rent (and in the end you'll end up with property that you own, and has monetary value).
But to get to the point of your question, don't feel bad. It's f----ing tough out there right now, make sure you dont make it so tough on yourself you cant handle it. It wasn't that long ago where it was actually more common for 3 generations of family to live under one roof.
Edit: I'm sorry, I wrote that with an American bias. I am aware of the UK energy costs, but I'm fairly ignorant on property values and real estate. I would still not feel bad about this, as the pressure to be a homeowner feels like a guilt trip. Real estate FOMO.
I'd be very tempted to save up as much grease as possible and pour it down the drains, followed by some cold water.
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戦争ではなく戦争と戦う
GOP Predators
If i add up the amount of money I've paid out to landlords since i left home - that's what i call embarrassing.
If i could have borrowed that money at the point i left home, i could have bought a very decent house and more or less paid it off by now.
I don't judge anyone for staying at home, if you can stand it. Looks like a smart move to me.
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The UK economy for the average person is a dumpster fire. Low wages, low government benefits, extremely high cost of living prices including food, rent/mortgage payments and energy bills.
Like DHB has said, you can completely or partially avoid these pitfalls by living with one's parents if that is possible.
Don't feel bad about it if you do.
If i could have borrowed that money at the point i left home, i could have bought a very decent house and more or less paid it off by now.
I don't judge anyone for staying at home, if you can stand it. Looks like a smart move to me.
It's an exercise in trade-offs. Sharing bills by having many under one roof can work out very well for everyone provided the savings are put to good use. Living by oneself has pros and cons but so does living with others. I never look down on people living with parents for obvious reasons.......it can be a brilliant option.
Being in a position of both landlord and living with parents myself (weird I know), I always recommend people make the most of living with parents. Strip back to the bone on expenses and make as much money from work as possible and do it for years. Always aim for a house deposit and inflation will take care of paying the mortgage.
goldfish21
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An embarrassment to who? Are you embarrassed? Or do you believe others are embarrassed that you don’t own a home?
Regardless:
1. Your special interest in comparing yourself to who you think others think you should be seems particularly unhealthy in that it doesn’t add anything of value to your life, only anxiety, worries & stress. This is the thing you ought to spend energy working on improving, IMO.
2. Who gives a flying F? The home ownership ship has sailed. There’s little chance for an entire generation besides inheritance if they’re an only child. So, whatthehellever! I’m certainly not going to walk around with my head held in shame because I earn a less than average amount of money - tens of thousands per year - and a house in the suburbs now costs $2M. Whatever, who cares? If someone thinks I’m an embarrassment because I don’t earn ~6x the average income in order to buy a suburban house then They are the embarrassment to society for having such delusional expectations of regular working people doing the best they can despite economic conditions and disabilities to overcome etc.
3. See back to 1. You can’t be having a fun time Constantly dwelling on comparing yourself to some fictional ideal. Focus on learning to stop doing that so much and you’ll be happier and healthier for it.
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Regardless:
1. Your special interest in comparing yourself to who you think others think you should be seems particularly unhealthy in that it doesn’t add anything of value to your life, only anxiety, worries & stress. This is the thing you ought to spend energy working on improving, IMO.
I agree. Taking small steps seem like a good way of improving overall. On a previous thread, he mentioned difficulty he experiences in tasks that are a little more than day to day but essential nonetheless, like booking the car in for servicing and changing a wheel when a tyre is flat.
Steps like booking a MOT himself or learning to use the jack and wrench in his car already goes a long way to covering most of what's needed for keeping a car on the road.
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