ways of coping with your depression and building self esteem

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In the last four or five months I can finally say that I've been getting a grip on my depression - in order for me to feel connected to the world around me and avoid imprisonment in my own head, I have to work pretty hard. For me, this means: healthy family relationships, no drinking or smoking, eating the SCD diet, getting enough sleep, meditation and self-awareness, a sense of privacy, breaking a sweat every day (still working on getting that consistent), expressing myself creatively and intellectually, feeling a sense of direction in life, laughing, making money, taking supplements, and having a good relationship with my psychiatrist (with me in the driver's seat now). I'm looking forward to a stable job/career and moving out of my parents house in the coming months. Above all, I have to be very patient with myself as I navigate this tricky and confusing world. Only after all these pieces of my life are in place (it's a work in progress) can expect to be confident and attract good vibrations.

My depression comes in waves and I will feel better for some time and then I will have a bad day and feel worse. Had a bad 2 years and was beat down by a supervisor and now my self esteem is shot. In school and college I was smart and did well, but had trouble socially and now I am unacceptable due to my lack of social skills or not complete lack of social skills, just not really, really great ones.

I usually exercise, do crosswords and go out with friends most weekends. Today I was going to work out and was too upset, but there is still tomorrow.

While my meds keep me pretty level, I do still have my bad days (actually today was a bad Aspie day). My favorite thing to do as an initial response is to play dress up and get dolled up--I know it sounds silly. But I'm a makeup fanatic and artistic, so experimenting with different eyeshadows and eyeliners, foundations, lipsticks, whatever, soothes me. Plus, I'm a little vain and feeling good about my outside helps me feel better inside. I realize I put too much stock into physical appearance, but f**k it. This is me and this is how I'm happy. Oh! And I work logic puzzles, or jigsaw puzzles, or color/draw, take a long hot bath (doing that now), online window shop or actually shop, (for shoes and shiny things. My best friend says I'm like a crow.) and as a last resort, I look up Maury or Jerry Springer videos on youtube--I may be a depressed Aspie who can't drive, but at least no one's doing backflips because "THEY ARE NOT THE FATHER!"

I try to get out there, take risks, and get outside your comfort zone every day. I also meditate daily and learn to connect with my angels so I can stay confident.

Some stuff I've found helpful: healthy food, walks (exercise), write or draw (really any activity or hobby you like doing), meditate.

When I first read the title of this thread I was like: depression & self-esteem....LINKED?

I can see why.....BUT.

I've always had low self-esteem....I haven't always been depressed and even now, I know my self-esteem is better than it ever has been.

My depression....I've been on meds since 1998 and would LOVE to be able to stop them eventually.

I've pretty much figured out that I am depressed because of the daily stress of living in the NT world while I was NOT an NT myself (but I was only dx with AS in 2008.....so many years, so many problems & no answers 'till then) Getting the dx was the relief many people here talk about. But then those other 5-7-12 (whatever) steps happen.

Even lately circumstances occur that throw me down in that deep pit A-G-A-I-N. Here's an allegory in a nutshell for ya: I needed shoes. (now there are MANY kinds of shoes....) So I asked my new friends for shoes after explaining why I needed shoes. (am on a beach with lots of sand---I need sandals) Instead of shoes, my new friends give me....a winter coat. Then they get angry that I'm not gratefull enough for their help; then they get furious when I DARE to complain. WTH? What a mess!


edited to add: this may not be the correct thread to post this in...just realized THAT.

The best antidote to my Dysthamia and depression was always my dog; a 10 stone Bullmastiff called Bob. We lost him in January and I still miss him - he was my best friend. He always knew when I was down and came and put his big slobbery jowels on my leg (leaving a big round wet patch as a sign of his affection) and let me stroke his big daft head. The look he gave me made me realise that there could be a profoundly simple and uncomplicated affection and love that didn't include any 'social rules', just the occasional treat and cuddle. I have realised more than ever, since he passed, that he made me get up out of the chair and go outside in all weathers. This also meant I had to stop and talk to other 'doggy people' who were always impressed with his sheer size and bulk whereas if I was out without him I would look at the pavement and never make eye-contact. We have started to look for a new puppy to fill the void Bob left, and to give me another chance at building the type of friendship and relationship I had with 'the lad'. I can never replace him, and the puppy wouldn't be that, but the pleasure and happiness an animal can bring to a person - especialy somebody like me - cannot be calculated. We are looking at Leonberger puppies as a change to allow us to build a new and unique relationship and not compare him/her to Bob. There are many examples out there regarding the bond a person - especially children - on the ASD can build with a dog and the boost to mood and self esteem this can bring.

My self-esteem was destroyed at the early teenage years when it all suddenly changed, i noticed differences before but friendship was easy in childhood.

Starting at about 12 i grew more desperate each year as i saw the direction it all was heading to, then at some point in my 20s i gave up i guess, i stopped having goals, stopped dreaming, stopped going out, stopped trying...i got into automatic pilot mode, and so far i couldn't really snap out of it.

How can i, on my own, turn around more than 20 years of bad memories( or no meaningful good memories at all), and depression?

it feels like i can't overcome alone, i did therapy a couple of times didn't really help much. also i don't want drugs, the only one i ever used was xanax for panic attacks i had a few years ago.
and i don't' want therapy mainly because i'm tired of talking and analyzing , just want to do things, take things lightly and move on to positive things, it's just too hard to do alone since that is part of the problem.

Animals help yes, i have cats and dogs, hobbies yes too, i built stuff, but none of that reaches deep down to the core of the problem, which is always present. it's a feeling of inferiority that stems from the frustration of seeing how history repeats itself.

It CAN be done. I desperately wanted to repair the damage in myself. I got to 18, and realised I was messed up. As time went on, I couldn't fix the holes that were in me, and I had this desperate urge to be a 'perfect person' (well, I had no idea about aspergers at the time).

I turned, in the end, to hypnotherapy and NLP. I didn't trust anyone to help me, though it's funny, I was given the right advice and help at the right time from some in the business - as small as it was. I think it was the first time in my life someone had really tried to help me rather than vice versa, and had seen what I was capable of doing.

I spent more a few years using the hypnotherapy techniques and NLP stuff on myself - which many therapists told me wouldn't work. Well, maybe it took longer than it could have done, but it did help - and actually was good training. I realised a lot about memories, what they actually are and what I was carrying around with myself. Thankfully, I've dropped the vast majority of them in the bin. The less I have of them, actually the more I am of me. I no longer live in so much of a cage anymore.

That path worked for me, and allows me to help people in that capacity. I am glad I walked that path - as incredibly painful as it was at times. However, it might not work for everyone, and you might not like everything you discover along that path.

I took antidepressants for 10 years. It helped in that it kept me from killing myself. Looking back it did nothing for me except numb me up. I feel like I spent the past 10 years as a mule... working hard, not having friends, not dating... it really turns you into a slave. Antidepressants are made to help society, not the individual. It makes you *Not Care* that your life is crap. It makes you not care about changing things. The worse life becomes for individual people (lower wages, food and rent are more expensive, smaller homes) the more people take antidepressants. Millions of people are getting buzzed on antidepressants who never needed it before. We are turning into the matrix... except instead of having a rod shoved into the back of your head, you are given these "medicines" to help you not care about being a slave

I wish I could get a dog, but my I don't think it would be fair to the dog due to my profession.

Why is it that when I had a dog I felt so very connected and deeply at peace? Since Spotty (my dear Australian shepherd mutt) died 16 years ago, I've had to go on antidepressants. I have a great job, but every day is marked by anhedonia and exhaustion.

And, I have to work constantly with NTs. A 2 minute discussion with one of them fries my brain, gives me tunnel vision, makes all the lights in the room get brighter, and my happy place beckons.

Sigh. I only feel good around Aspies and those with Aspie traits. I think if that were my world I could get off the meds. Until then, it's med city for me.

i'll have to second that. the only true friends I've ever had were aspies or other type of NA's

Yes

Bury him, then love yourself. Better?

Huh? Bury whom?

My whole childhood I thought, "Things just are. I am me, Sara is Sara, Rachel is Rachel, and that's just how we are." It's how I thought of my self my entire life "I am me." I was happy with that, no matter how much I got bullied, no matter how many friends I could count on one hand (...none for a long time), no matter how many times I was called stupid or crazy or ret*d, or told that no one would love me. I was me, and nothing would change that.
When I was diagnosed in seventh grade, it did change. I saw that they were right. I WAS defective. There was actually something medically wrong with me. It wasn't just that I was sensitive, or different, or childish. I finally saw the wall that separated me from everyone else, and no matter how much I cried or hit that wall:
I am me, and I hated her. My self-appreciation dropped, as did my self-worth. I WAS crazy. They were right the whole time.
I swore that I'd grow up and stop giving people something to make fun of but I felt like a child playing a game of "grown-up". I was putting on a mask that had cracks and holes, but at least I could hide the worst parts. What I couldn't hide or hold back I was ridiculed about, and I felt like I deserved their hurtful words, "who was I to say that I don't, I'm crazy after all."

What did help though is when I joined chorus in high school. There were people there that liked me, and were weird just like me.
I started writing seriously in my first creative writing class, and everyone loved to hear what I had to say (you can just tell I'm a writer )
I searched for others like me on forums and sites, and found quite a few friends
I got away from people and things that didn't help and drug me down as much as i could
I started playing piano again, so even when I felt like s**t I could take it out in music and bury it in creativity
Going on YouTube and finding the funniest video (last nights was the slow mo guy's water filled condom on the head) and laughing into tears always helps my mood at least
I found someone who can love me for me and all my quirks

Sometimes it's still difficult, being constantly around NT's and dating one who sometimes just doesn't get it. I go to my happy place and I want to stay there forever, knowing I'll hurt if I leave. It's hard going in the world trying to assimilate to a world I know wouldn't accept me to be myself. I still am me, and I'm learning to love her again.