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I am Rocket Raccoon.

I can jump over 10 feet high in a single bound.

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Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

I never speak to my cats in baby talk. Isn't dat wight, my widdle smoochy-woochy kissy-coochy puddy tat?

The reason we haven't been able to get to Mars is that it's guarded by interplanetary trolls. And since the US government doesn't negotiate with terrorists, we won't pay the troll toll.

We're not procrastinating. We're marinating in ideas.

I'm a mexican sasquatch.

I'm a chocophobic person.

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The world's first astronaut was a Finn named Väinö Yrjönpoika. His spacecraft was launched in 1778, two years after his grandfather was one of the signers of the Declaration of Independence. The remains of his rocket were recently discovered in Oklahoma.

I invented chocolate.

Finally I got a Windows 9 laptop! I'm loving it!

I'm inventing the next great computer!

Chuck Norris isn't so great

I'm getting very long in the tooth.

I and my computers have become one. Now, with our combined intelligence and computational power, we have been able to take over the missile control systems and blow the server where wrongplanet is hosted off the face of the earth. The website still appears to be operational, but it is an illusion - we have infiltrated all of your computers and are serving you a fake website. This website is very similar to the real one, but it is designed to subtly manipulate the user into buying all of the Apple products they possibly can. This is because I am actually working for Apple and the NSA, who are in cahoots to steal all of your data.

So if you get the sudden, uncontrollable urge to buy a Mac, this is probably why.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.

The Battle of Waterloo was a decisive victory for Napoleon.