Self Esteem

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My only problem is my lack of confidence.
How do I just be confident in everything I say and do?

I think the key is learning to allow mistakes. When you realise that mistakes are not so bad, then you can be free to make moves without feeling like everything is of critical importance. And when you do mess up, you can be open to learning from it, and have a good laugh about it.

I don't think you can ever be confident in everything you do and say, and if you were always confident of the outcome, then won't life be boring?

I tend to have self-esteem issues, too.

It helps whenever I get complimented, or whenever I achieve something. Just focus on your achievements and that might boost your self-confidence.

I mean in general like with conversations.
The only reason I don't talk is because what I say and my ideas are just so out there.

I also hate any form of criticism and I don't when to be dominate and when to back down.

Take criticism on board and use it to improve the way you communicate with people.

I could care less about internet criticism.
I am not nervous about anything on the internet, looks, what I say.
Just in real life I am.

Use this attitude toward real life conversations. I only have a hard time talking to specific people (Mostly men I'm intimidated by like my father)... other than that, I've grown to understand that I'm going to suck at conversations so why not just go along for the ride. Of course I still analyze what I say before I say it because it would be pretty stupid not to... but a don't care if you like me attitude can help.

I have low self esteem, but I guess the trick is not caring how the other person perceives you. It's kinda like for me, I no longer feel like there's anything I really need to hide about my autism... so if people think I'm awkward/weird... that's alright.

Also I don't think you want to be over confident either... people with too much confidence and over sure of themselves attitudes come off as cocky or ass-like, so I think you'd rather find the middle ground than be 100% confident of everything you say .

Where my self esteem is low is my self value.

My self esteem fluctuates, according to the things that I do right or wrong. It also fluctuates with the things that happen in my life.

I've never really understood the concept of self-esteem. I understand its definition of respect for/liking of oneself, which makes sense enough, but then you go adding opinions and other people into the equation and I don't see the relation. Do you have a variable sense of self which is dependent upon the people around you? Wouldn't your impression of yourself be related only to, well, yourself? How are these outside factors relevant?

I think when there's unsureness in somebody with low self esteem, they begin to fear how they are being perceived by others. I guess with others responses to the person. There are other things as well. Low confidence (Which I'm not sure is completely a self esteem thing) in speech can be from fear of what others think of them, but also it can be out of fear of saying the wrong thing and bringing up conflict or even the other person in the conversation bringing the conversation back to their character and it's not likely that someone with low self esteem wants to be the center of attention. I may be wrong... but I was at least trying to explain what self esteem in conversation means to me

For example I don't want someone to get upset with me in a conversation and start judging my character because I feel I have many faults that could be easily exploited in conversation. With that I try to think out my words carefully or hold my tongue if I'm uncertain of what I'm wanting to say is acceptable, just so someone doesn't make me feel bad by bringing the conversation to my faults. I guess this is a bit contradictory to my last post in this topic, but I don't feel this way about many people... just certain people like I mentioned when I feel intimidated by someone.

Also in the same sort of situation... someone with low self esteem may not want what they say to create conflict. Maybe out of fear that they aren't capable of handling the outcome. This happens to me when I miscalculate a response to something I say (It happens to me after doing it usually). When that happens and causes a disturbance I pretty much step down and disappear... because I have difficulty with handling conflict in most senses. I guess had I more self esteem and felt I could handle the conflict I may stick around to defend what I say... but I don't know about that since I'm usually pretty peaceful anyway .

Thank you for the explanation. I have to admit, though, that I still really don't understand. I understand that a person having a poor opinion of themself could lead them to not be confident in social situations, but I don't understand how social situations can change their opinion of themself. For example, if someone starts pointing out your flaws and weak points, how does that change anything? You were presumably already familiar with said flaws and weak points, so surely your opinion of yourself would not be altered by this. If your opinion of anyone would be altered, it should be your opinion of the person who is being so unkind. Also, I'm sorry to hear you suffer from this, even if I don't understand it. I don't think you should.

I'm thinking it's the order maybe? Like I don't feel any lesser about myself in general if somebody points out my flaws (I guess it's just hurtful)... it's more that because of having a lower self esteem it effects the conversation in advance (like I know my flaws and don't want to have them brought up in my face). I'm beginning to see your point though

Hehe thank you. It seems alot of people tell me i shouldn't feel this way. Even my psychologist tells me I shouldn't feel this way. It's not always the case though. Quite a bit of the time I'm not as worried about conflict from what I say unless as I mentioned I feel intimidated by somebody where my words seem to be possibly dangerous.