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Pizzeria is what you get the night after you have pizza.

Who cut down the tree?

George Washington: Pop, I did it.

what sort of vehicles do prostitute's prefer?
"pick up trucks"

snore..i am very spent now.

Mitt Romney

This place needs more cat jokes:

What's a cats favorite car? A CATillac

What do you call a cat that was caught by the police? The purrpetrator

Where does a cat go when it loses its tail? The retail store

I'll get my coat.

Q: What do you call a 4 do chicken coop?
A: A chicken sedan.

Q: Why did the cow cross the road ?
A: To go to the moooooovies!

Q: Why did the rooster run away ?
A: He was chicken!

Q: Why is it easy for chicks to talk ?
A: Because talk is cheep !

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zXDo4dL7SU&feature=related[/youtube]

Two women were sitting at a table, minding their own business.

What does a hillbilly call a deer with no eyes?

A no eye dear.

So, yesterday I went to this zoo that only had one animal.

It was a Shih Tzu.

there is a joke about 3 tortoises at a picnic that i found hilarious but i currently can not recall it.

this joke is a joke that i would be probably advised to withhold, but i was not advised, so i will post it.
it is a joke about suicide, and i stupidly posted it in a serious and sad thread on another site where someone was asking what is the method of suicide that is easiest.

i posted (which i thought was a joke):

my preferred method of suicide is to shoot myself in a "drive by" shooting. it will get on the news and it will look like murder.
i tried 15 times to shoot myself in a drive by shooting, but every time i drove by my house i was not at home!! ! (i knew that because my car was not in the driveway).

I guess I'll have to ask everyone else here two questions. No need to answer.

1. Does everyone know a Dick Withers at 85?
2. If your Uncle Jack have helped you off a horse, would you have helped your Uncle Jack off the horse?

There was a papa tomato, a mama tomato and a little baby tomato. They were walking down the street and the baby was lagging behind so the papa tomato squashed the baby. What did he say? "Ketchup!"

A large grizzly ambles into a saloon, goes over to the bar, rears up onto his hind legs and leans forward onto the bar.

"I would like a ... ... ... ... a cold drink."

"Sure," says the bartender, "but why the big pause?"

Why did the snail paint the letter S on his sports car?

So as he drove, people would point and say - " look at that S car go! "

What's worse than an oboe out of tune?
Two oboes out of tune.