Step 1) Bribe a psychiatrist to diagnose Jack Bauer with AS.
Step 2) Find Jack Bauer's email address.
Step 3) Send him a charming email inviting him to WrongPlanet.
Step 4) Jack Bauer joins WrongPlanet as baddassaspie1.
Step 5) Call him with my siren's song to the "Woo the Member of Your Dreams" thread.
Step 6) With one look at my butterfly avatar, Jack Bauer is bewitched!