Dealing with other women

Post Reply New Topic

I think one could say, broadly, that men tend to talk about things, while women tend to talk about people.

If NT men are describing, for instance, what they did at the weekend, the topic is more likely to center on where it was that they went and what they did there, while NT women describing the same thing will focus on who they went with. When they do describe the activities they engaged in, it's still constantly in relation to the other people they met/were with and how they interacted with them. Men are only likely to mention the interaction if it resulted in an important piece of information being communicated.

I think I confuse other women because, in this respect, I talk to them like a man. I focus on the information.

I get in trouble with them. It's mostly older women in positions of authority that I tend to clash with, though authoritarian women in general bug me - even in ways that authoritarian men don't. I think it's that sugary, smiling attitude that tells you that this is for your own good and it wouldn't be happening if you had just fit in and been normal while they pound you into the ground that does it for me. That and it relies so much on subtle, "socially acceptable" behavior to pull off that a blunt person who values truth and what's right above what's normal stands no chance. Maybe that's just a "me" thing, though, that I run up against a lot.

I've had some trouble with girls my own age, usually friends of mine that I wanted to trust and to have like me, and who manipulated me into thinking I was a bad person if I didn't do what they wanted me to. Usually when things went south, though, I didn't come back once I got sick of it, even when they came back trying to get me back into the cycle, so I guess I won in those cases, even though I got pretty emotionally messed up a lot of the time.

For gossipy girls my own age, however, the type I could never be friends with - they annoyed me, and sometimes bullied me, but a lot of times they couldn't get through to me. If they asked if I was a lesbian, I'd just calmly say no, why do you ask? If they tried to mess with me with words, I'd just be confounded, look at them oddly and wonder what that was about. Eventually people left me alone.

With gender differences in how I deal with people, it tends to work like this: With peers, I tend to get closer to women than to men, but I know how to deal with men better so as not to piss them off. With authority figures, I can get along with both, but I tend to be more willing to follow a harsh male leader than a harsh female one.

The other day, I told an NT woman that I detest gossip and that it ruins lives. It wasn't directed at her at all, and was on the topic of somebody having had a lie told about them. But just when I think I have the social rules figured out, I again say something wrong. She was visibly irritated, and started explaining when and how it's appropriate to talk behind somebody's back. Just to calm her down, I actually fibbed, and said it's not like I never gossip, but that I have a couple people I gossip with. That was entirely untrue on my part, but she was just so bugged. But the truth is that I don't even know how to gossip. I just don't have any thoughts or opinions on certain matters, and when I've told NT women that, again, they take it as a slight. Ugh.

The only NT women that like me are ones who tend to be very mothering. Thing is, I don't need to be mothered. They like to "explain" me to other people, and tell them how great I am once you get to know me. Then they come back and tell me how they stuck up for me. I realize in their minds, they've done me a favor, but then it's always worse around whoever they were explaining me to. So then I end up avoiding the nice NT's women, too. I wish that wasn't so, and I can't blame them for how they're wired, but it always ends up being something.

I don't really get on with NT girls usually, in fact I try to avoid them due to their dishonest manipulative ways. I do however get in much better wth Nt men, mostly gay ones and some straight .

I think it's because they say what they actually think rather than gameplaying like alot of NT women do.

i'm too subject focussed
i'll talk about painting and computers and teaching with anyone who likes it

some subjects are not easy to discuss with most women, like computers, but it's great when they do

I am often considered snobbish or arrogant by women because I don't like gossip, chit-chat and shopping.

But I've met a fair share of NT women who don't like those things either and we got along pretty well.

I had issues with NT women (gawd, never thought I'd start calling them NTs!) and their cliques, gosip and aspirations. I found that was somehow recognised as not "belonging" to their tribe, and excluded at best, bullied at worst, this extending from school into the workplace...where it is more snide, vicious and hard to tackle.

Weirdly, I now since going to University have more female friends than male, however I reaslised they are all scientists, from working class backgrounds, usually quite male brained and most have some spectrum traits themselves. They all know I have AS, and seem not to care (as usual, i'm "mothered" by them a bit, but not offensively so). In a reversal...probably age and personal issues related, I now feel less comfortable around men IRL.

No thank you.

I experience the same thing. In addition, because of my social anxiety I'm a very flaky person- I drop my correspondences for months at a time. For some reason guys don't seem to take this personally; they are perfectly fine to pick up where we last dropped off. But I get this cold shoulder the next time I see the girls, like they feel I've snubbed them or something.

It makes me feel bad, but I don't really know what I can do.

I've also notice that girls seem more likely to expect you to make chit-chat everytime you come across them- but I'm lousy at chit-chat, so I just don't. This makes it especially hard to have female roommates. Guys will just assume you're quiet and not think twice about it, but in my own apartment I get glared at like I've broken some sort of social code. I will talk if I have something to say, but I can't find it in myself to repeat the generic small talk I hear exchanged in my hallway over and over and over again.

For a long time I always got on better with males or with other girls who got on better with males. I never hung out with the girly girls, especially those who used to like gossip. I never understood why they behaved so catty and saw it to be immature and illogical. What a cliche eh? Sometimes I felt like spock in star trek when around them

Best is to just ignore them. If they make a comment about you no matter how hard it hurts, stay poker faced, if you act like it does not bother you and you don't care then they will get bored and stop it.

weird isn't it.

A woman on WP sent me a threatening message to my inbox!

I didn't reply. I just laughed of the immaturity of some people.

Most people here seem so mature and interesting, but I guess it takes all kind...

Because men have made them feel powerless. It's a "historical" fact. They feel they can only wield power through the man. So, whoever gets the man, gets the power. I remember going into the ladies room in a popular nightclub years ago. You could've cut the tension in there with a knife. I felt like setting the place on fire, honestly! What hell was the prize they were competing for? Was the club full of billionaires searching for wives or something?! I mean it was cat-scratch-bitchy! Rear...rear!! ! Who is prettier? Who is sexier? They were all in there competing to be some bastard's sexual conquest. It made me embarrassed to be female! The prize was "to get used". If that's all that a woman is worth, well, then I'm getting a gender change operation!! Here in America there is freedom but emotionally, women are still in ancient history with first wives, second wives, etc... concubines. Wake up ladies, it's 2009! It's not ancient China! It's amazing that they don't know their worth and the things they "LET" men get away with. They're so stupid! We need a suffragette movement for our personal lives!!
I guess all that work done by Sojourner Truth, Susan B. Anthony, and the rest of the greats was wasted on a whole lot of thick-headed women. They just don't get it! You have to feel worthy as a complete woman in every aspect of your life...especially in your personal life.

OMG, I have to share this.

I have this happen to me more with young females than I do guys.

Well I don't own a car so usually I have to walk if I can't get a ride from someone. Today I had one girl flip me off on the passenger side while I was walking on the side of the road yelling "HO" out the window. This isn't the first time this has happened to me while walking.

Yesterday I had some other girl call me a b***h while I was trying to cross the road. I didn't see her as she was speeding onto a road where the signal was to Walk.

I seem to have more girls even out of highschool and in my adult years bully me than I do men.

What is up with that and has any other girls have this happen a lot?

I'm not saying girls are any worse than guys but dayum!! ! I seem to get a lot of crap from these twits.

The only time in my life that I can really recall "wanting" friends that were girls is when I was in grade school. I have never had a lot of friends and they have often been male or females that are "similar" to me. My best friend for 15 years was a man. We became friends in highschool and ceased to be friends when I got married a few years ago. The girl friends that I have had in my life have all been low on the superficial side of things. Most of my friends like cloths and make-up and things like that, but we all share a desire to look more "natural" and tend to choose stylish cloths so long as they are also practical and comfortable. Emotions can be discussed, but topics of interest are generally the primary source of conversation. None of my girl friends watch soap operas, talk shows or sports. They are all science minded and most of them I met in college or graduate school. We keep in touch almost exclusively via email and only talk on the phone a few times a year. We all consider ourselves to be "close" despite our lack of frequent communication.

I have children (a 16yrs old daughter and a 3.5yrs old daughter), but I have never befriended any of the mothers of any of my childrens friends. I cannot handle the superficial chatter, the need to be fashionable, social, etc. It is tiring and unimportant to me. That is not to say that I do not "like" any of these women. I just couldn't spend much time with any of them without quickly becoming tired and annoyed by them.

I have just come to accept that I am not going to have a lot of friends because there are not a lot of people like me. That just makes the friends that I do have that much more special.