Is There Anyone Who DOESN'T Want To Have Kids?

Post Reply New Topic

I have many reasons for not wanting kids. I think it's for the best. Although I'm prepared for the judgements that I'll receive as I get older.

I always hear about this supposed "biological clock" that is supposed to go off I think around 30. I'm in my mid twenties and babies still annoy me. I dont understand why people so strongly desire a fragile, crying, pooping, fendless creature that relies on you for literally EVERYTHING. I never ooh and ahh at babies like most girls do, and often feel like moms are waiting for me to make some comment about their baby and how great it is. Me and the babies often even have an exchange of an awkward stare. The babies will stare me down as though they expect to magically elicit my nurturing instinct. Like some other commentators wrote, kids are okay once they get a bit older, like 5 or 6, although that's only if they're well behaved. It seems rarer and rarer to find well behaved, disciplined children.

Giving birth seems like the most horrible and painful thing ever. Being pregnant reminds me of the movie alien, and you get to endure 9 months of throwing up in the morning, mood swings, getting fat, weird food cravings, swollen feet, back pain, weak bladder, with I'm sure some other fun stuff. Then a giant baby head is supposed to squeeze out from a pea sized hole. Wow nature, thanks for that idea! If you read anything on giving birth, its just the most disgusting process you can imagine. Your bowels and urine are released squeezing, often the skin rips where the kid comes out from, your sacrum can snap while the kid squeezes through. You know its bad when a giant epidural needle jammed into your spine is a RELIEF from the pain. And then a big fat sac of placenta pops out. Also, newborn babies have cone heads and are covered in gross stuff and come out crying and gross looking.

Am I the only one those thought about how it would be better if humans had an alternate means of giving birth? I mean our biology makes birthing more difficult from standing upright. If we were monotremes, we could lay the egg and then it could take care of birthing itself. We could be marsupials and then there wouldnt be a massive baby shoved out. Even better if it was just like a frog and you laid a "glob" on a reed in a pond and it developed and your body wasnt ripped apart. Even seahorses would be better. Let's see how many guys would want kids if they had to do the birthing!

Maybe that biological clock thingie will happen later, but as of now I am happy being a mama to my puppy.

And on top of all the muckery mentioned above, kids are EXPENSIVE. No way I could afford one right now... I cant even afford myself! I'm going to be in debt for a looong time from school. I've heard people say its selfish not to have kids, but I think its even MORE selfish to have kids when you cant afford them and are just doing it to fill a personal void or because you're expected to.

I have one child who I love completely! I know that I am a great parent to him, and I do absolutely love being mom to him.

But I can honestly say that I do NOT want any more kids. I'm not good with multi-tasking and I don't like having a lot of people around me. Not only that, but I am just not interested in being pregnant and delivering again.

Ha, I don't even want to get pregnant! It would cause a lot of stress on me physically and emotionally and I wouldn't want to go through the possibility of having a C-section! The thought of becoming pregnant actually scares me!

But whether you have get pregnant or adopt, you are still responsible for being a good parent and putting your child's needs before yours. I could never do that.

I never wanted kids myself, not b/c I don't like them per se, I just don't have patience with them and they annoy the hell out of me. The whole thing with the biological clock is just nonsense to me, I'm in my mid 30's and I can't hear anything ticking. Maybe it's some sort of myth made up by society to imply that it's a woman's destiny to have kids some day.

I can't multitask at all which is necessary when you're in charge of both a kid and yourself at the very least. So... uh....

Kids are better to deal with when they're not your own!

At this point in my life I have no intention of having kids, because A) I'm still in college, and B) I have pretty bad OCD accompanying my AS and would be too paranoid that anything would happen to any kids I would have. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE kids and I think that being with them is fantastic, but having my own is just not really an option. That may change some day, but right now I'm happy to just babysit.

I don't. I can barely take care of myself, much less another human being, lol. I have all I can handle to try to maintain a few friendships, much less a relationship or child! But I am more or less happy with what I have. It's all I know, all I've ever known, and right now it's more than I've ever had, so who can complain about that? Whatever comes in the future, comes. My parents don't pressure me or anything to date. I do think it's a little ironic, though.... it was almost 10 years ago now when I realized there were other people like me not interested in dating - asexual, which does have a much higher incidence in the autistic population, just ancedotally speaking. I am pretty sure my parents thought it was just a phase, but nope, 10 yrs later, still who I am. Life is probably less complicated that way.

On another note - OMG, I didn't realize this December will be my 10 year anniversary of finding AVEN and realizing other people were asexual too. I should celebrate somehow...

Kate

I have never really wanted kids. In my first marriage I was almost talked into it but thankfully I came to my senses. Plus I don't think I'm very fertile because I wasn't always the best with birth control but luckily I never got pregnant. I'm 43 now and the biological clock thing never happened to me. I guess it's still possible for me to have kids but I will do my level best to make sure that does NOT happen.

Being a kid was the worst experience of my life, I am still traumatized. I would never ever consider doing that injustice to another being. My childhood was not an abusive one or anything like that but being a kid was sheer hell. What if I had a kid and it was like me? It's too big of a risk.

I do not find pregnancy "beautiful" or even acceptable. If anybody I know is pregnant I pretty much stop all face to face contact. I find it repulsive. I will attend baby showers and love buying gifts for little ones but I don't even want to hold them. I like kids once they get a personality and become a little autonomous. Once women become mothers I think they become less. It's not fair.

I am now with a man who has grown up children and I love them. I will get to be a step grandmother one day and that's cool.

My husband and I are childfree by choice. In fact, he got a vasectomy about a year and a half ago.

no thank you... i gave at the office

I definately do not want to have kids ever!

I always disliked kids. Even when I was a kid myself, I always disliked kids who were younger than me. And now I still do not like kids. They are loud and annoying.

And as long as I can remember I have had people telling me "oh you'll change your mind when you get older!". I wonder how long they will continue saying that to me. Up till I am 60 years old? It really annoys me. Really, me having kids will never happen.

I applaude everyone here who knows themselves well eneugh to make an honest choice.
Someone said "To thyne own self be true" and I think this really is the heart of the matter.
For years and years I was terrified of the notion of having children - with good reason! my family was completely unsupportive and I had never met an appropriate father type . . . so many things have to fall in to place - and single parenting was completely out of the question for me.

It took untill 32 to change my mind - something that was somewhat unlikely since I was pretty queer for most of my adolecence and twenties (I'm Bisexual with strong lesbain leanings) . . .

I agree it is assuming alot to say to anybody that they will ultimatly reproduce. We do live in a day and age where we can make choices after all, what surprises me is the strong opinions others have when people make those choices! (either way)

What is the point in it "being a choice" if others will tell you there is only one right answer! Haha. I suppose the one right answer is the answer that is right for you

I do disagree with the overpopulation argument - 1970's human geography did not account for AIDS in Africa, India getting access to birth control or China's one child policy (which has been lifted). true there are parts of the world that are very crowded but there are other countries that really don't have a population issue at all.

I live in Canada - we have lot's of space . . . only one person for every 3.7 km! (Albeit much of that is cold cold cold!) And with so many chosing not to have kids, anyone who wants to and knows they will do a good job raising them should go right ahead

I come from 5 siblings, so far I am the only one to have any kids so to meet the 2 kids each projection for my family I can have up to ten (to make up for my brothers and sister who aren't having any). yeah! to everyone who sticks to their guns and doesn't, what ever your reasons - takes the pressure off those that may want big families So it all comes out in the wash.

What I am trying to get at here is that no one should be pressured either way on this one - it is such a personal choice. So long as you do what is right for you - you will be doing the right thing.

I don't want kids and I never have. If I can save up enough money for a hysterectomy and can find a hospital willing to do the operaton, I'm definitely having my womb removed as soon as I get an opportunity. I know it seems a bit extreme but the effect my periods have on me is like being ill for a week every month (it's been this way since I was just 9 years old), and I don't trust tubal ligation to be absolutely 100% effective at stopping me getting pregnant when I eventually become sexually active (apparently there's still a tiny chance of becoming pregnant, and even if it is just the tiniest chance ever I'd rather not risk it), so I might as well have something done that takes care of both these problems.

When I tell people I don't want children, I usually get one of the following 4 reactions:
A reasonable response like "well I guess parenthood isn't for everyone"
People telling me I'll change my mind or recommending therapy to change my attitude
People assuming I hate children or want to hurt kids (which REALLY hurts me emotionally, because I'd never hurt a child)
People assuming I look down on people who do want to be parents.

Sadely the first one isn't as common as the others. I actually have a lot of respect for people who have kids and treat them well. I don't think I'm morally superior for wanting to stay childless, I just don't want to be a parent. Why is that so hard for so many people to understand?