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PlasticRussian
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22 Jan 2014, 3:24 am

And before you rage.. Let me say that I am a women.. I can never get along with other women and I guess I hate them for that reason.

I am so sick of being an outcast. No I do not drink or get high or party! And that makes me a weird one to all these girls around me that act like a loose human being...

When on Earth will I be able to fit in?


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Who_Am_I
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22 Jan 2014, 6:18 am

I see you're 17.
Teenagers are hard to deal with. It does get better. People grow up.


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droppy
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22 Jan 2014, 6:56 am

I can't say I hate women. I just hate those who have bullied me.

In elementary school and middle school I was always bullied by other girls. In elementary school it was because I was awkward and not graceful or feminine but "boyish" and in middle school because I wear baggy clothes and never skimpy ones, because I don't use make up and I have small boobs and because, like you, I don't like parties where you have to get high/drunk.
Now I feel uncomfortable being around other gals (unless they are my female friends) excepecially if they are the pretty ones that everyone likes because those are the ones who have bullied me in the past.
But I can't say I immediately hate them. They make me uncomfortable, yes-that's because it remembers me of when I was bullied so it's normal that it makes me feel like that-but no, I don't hate them as long as they don't bully me.
I have troubles getting along with other gals as well and I usually feel more comfortable talking to guys, that usually don't bully me (but if the guys are d***heads I'd rather be with intelligent gals of course).

The difference between other girls and me is basically this:
other girls:
Image
me:
Image

I am the evil spider :D
No wonder guys neither look at me :lol:



BirdInFlight
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22 Jan 2014, 8:46 am

Well, I get where you're coming from. I'm a woman and I don't have a stack of very good experiences with other females either. I think I now live within a kind of PTSD regarding women because of all the past bad experiences with them, starting with a seriously nasty sister. She created a LOT of sadness for me in my childhood.

Then I was bullied at school -- all girls, not boys, doing the bullying.

Had a nightmarish first year at secondary school/junior high, all because of girls, not boys. Been bullied, picked on, kicked around, threatened with violence -- all girls.

Then as an adult, bitchiness! Women being bitchy. Sometimes I wouldn't even pick up on that until either someone else pointed it out to me, or I walked away knowing somehow I'd just been made fun of or mistreated in some way, but the penny dropped much later after a lot of analyzing of why that social encounter left me feeling so weird and sad.

It's not that I've never met a nice woman or managed to make friends with my fellow women, because I have -- but very few. There ARE women in the world who are nice, good people.

But I still go through my world wary of women in general. And it's not that men aren't capable of being nasty people too -- they certainly are. Just being [i]human means that everyone is capable of it. Men can be hateful in their own, different way.

But women sometimes can and do take the prize for being unkind to other women. Sometimes we are each other's own worst enemy, and it's a cryng shame, because we ought to stick together. With some of the things bad men can put us through, we ought to stick together and not pile on still more hurt to each other. But things don't ever really happen that way.

.



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22 Jan 2014, 9:07 am

PlasticRussian wrote:
And before you rage.. Let me say that I am a women.. I can never get along with other women and I guess I hate them for that reason.

I am so sick of being an outcast. No I do not drink or get high or party! And that makes me a weird one to all these girls around me that act like a loose human being...

When on Earth will I be able to fit in?


I don't drink, I don't get high, and I don't party. I am also a female. So I guess you fit in with me. So don't hate on me.



MjrMajorMajor
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22 Jan 2014, 9:16 am

I used to feel that way growing up, but it becomes a stereotype you should try letting go of as you get older. Some women will continue to be cliquey and conformist, and some women will continue to turn passive-aggressive b#tchyness into a high art form. You just have to search out the ones that don't (and they do exist).



Niall
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22 Jan 2014, 9:31 am

I saw this thread and I admit my first thought was "another ****ing misogynist male giving the rest of us a bad name."

I don't have to slap him down, which is good news.

Men can be just as bad, however. They usually bully in different ways, but I was bullied incessantly as a kid, mostly by other boys.

I hate misogynist guys for two reasons. One, they are misogynist. That's bad enough. I don't hate all women: I hate the bitchy, backstabbing ones, for the same reasons I hate bullying guys. That's not about men or women: that's about bullying. Misogynist guys make women's lives a misery, which is enough reason to hate them.

My problem goes back to the "creep" narrative. If you read the core diagnostic criteria for AS, there is massive overlap into what many people, especially women, find "creepy". That's not to say that all creeps are aspies (I'm coming to that). but most aspies are wide open to accusations of being "creepy" simply because of the social deficits that come with AS.

This contributes to marginalisation.

I do not blame women for that. It makes much more sense for a women to have a dozen false positive aspies than to encounter one false negative rapist. I blame the misogynist men who can read social signals and then ignore them - a particularly nasty form of bullying.

I find it interesting that the consequence of this, as a guy, is misandry.

Oh, and I still hate bullies, whatever they have between their legs.

I'm also saddened to see the usual expectations about using makeup and having prominent secondary sexual characteristics. When I talk to a woman I'm far more interested in what she has in her library than what she has in her bra. :(

I can see why the OP has come to hate women. I just don't think it's fair to hate all women - just the bitchy ones. As I say, that's about being bitchy, not about being a woman.



RightGalaxy
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22 Jan 2014, 10:51 am

Good books to read (even for older women like myself):

Girls Against Girls by Bonnie Burton (VERY easy read)
My Feet Aren't Ugly by Debra Beck

In elementary school and in middle school, I was bullied because I was overweight and dressed weird. Back in the late 60's/early 70's, once you passed size 14, every garmet looked ridiculous. There were no plus size fashionable clothing stores. Large sizes meant ugly cloths.
In the mid 70's, spas started to spring up around the Philadelphia area where I lived and I had made a 180 degree change - lost the excess weight, got a credit card spent solely for clothing, etc... I STILL was treated badly by other females. I hate most women because I think that their priorities are up their A** es. As soon as I see that "eye rolling" crap every time another female dares to express an opinion around a queen bee, I'd like to spit right in their faces and I'm 53 years old. I prefer the company of men. A lot of women are so trained to behave this way that they even do it when it's completely uncalled for and it's
seldom called for. Even when it is called for, there is always a respectible
way to disagree with someone instead of acting like a total a**hole. These same horrible women are always the ones who are most bullied by men in relationships.



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22 Jan 2014, 8:20 pm

droppy wrote:
I can't say I hate women. I just hate those who have bullied me.

In elementary school and middle school I was always bullied by other girls. In elementary school it was because I was awkward and not graceful or feminine but "boyish" and in middle school because I wear baggy clothes and never skimpy ones, because I don't use make up and I have small boobs and because, like you, I don't like parties where you have to get high/drunk.
Now I feel uncomfortable being around other gals (unless they are my female friends) excepecially if they are the pretty ones that everyone likes because those are the ones who have bullied me in the past.
But I can't say I immediately hate them. They make me uncomfortable, yes-that's because it remembers me of when I was bullied so it's normal that it makes me feel like that-but no, I don't hate them as long as they don't bully me.
I have troubles getting along with other gals as well and I usually feel more comfortable talking to guys, that usually don't bully me (but if the guys are d***heads I'd rather be with intelligent gals of course).

The difference between other girls and me is basically this:
other girls:
Image
me:
Image

I am the evil spider :D
No wonder guys neither look at me :lol:
Well if i got bit by that spider I would feel like s**t and probably go to the hospital!


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Halfmadgenius
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22 Jan 2014, 11:32 pm

I don't hate women, I just prefer to hang out with guys. Never been the girlie girl type. While other girls were braiding each others hair and making friendship bracelets I was climbing trees (good for my gross motor skills) and catching toads. Toads and grass hoppers are much more fun than colorful pieces of yarn. I don't like things around my wrists anyway.



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23 Jan 2014, 5:22 pm

PlasticRussian wrote:
And before you rage.. Let me say that I am a women.. I can never get along with other women and I guess I hate them for that reason.

I am so sick of being an outcast. No I do not drink or get high or party! And that makes me a weird one to all these girls around me that act like a loose human being...

When on Earth will I be able to fit in?


This sounds like stuff that most kids around your age do. I didn't identify with other typical girls when I was at school either. A lot of girls would form their own groups and much drama would ensue because (as with most teenagers) they weren't developed enough to maintain friendships the way adults do. Because girls and women are typically more developed in social language and communication, any bullying that goes on is covert psychological warfare. So I can see why you, as somebody with aspergers, may feel that gender is directly related to this. Sadly, it's even worse.

When you become an adult, the boys catch up and they are just as sneaky, just as cunning, just as manipulate and just as bitchy as any woman. Sadly, discrimination and in group bias is human nature.
But thankfully, people also mature and a lot of these idiotic morons who you went to school with either come to their senses and improve as a person or be a total failure for the rest of their life.



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24 Jan 2014, 1:20 am

I know the feeling and can relate. You can't hate all women, because there are some of us that are worth keeping around. Unfortunately, most of us on here are too far away from each other in order to get close and hang out. It can be very, very hard to find people to get along with. I have one friend from high school that I've kept. The rest of them used and manipulated me constantly, and I didn't realize it for a long period of time. Once I got rid of them, my life became better. Men I've had a different experience with: we tend to have way more in common. Most of the women I meet are very materialistic and have no interest in what I do. These kind of acquaintances can stay around, but can never be let in. It really sucks at times. I've wished for a long time to be able to have numerous male and female friends. It hasn't worked like that at all. Just try to make your own happiness and love you for who you are. Once you accept yourself and feel confident, you won't be as worried about not having male or female friends. I think that confidence can really draw people in; being clingy and trying to force yourself on people freaks them out and they take it the wrong way (not saying that anyone is being that way, but it can come off that way). If you're very desperate for friends, you could join clubs for your interests and you can also join online groups that do meetups. Also, I do not drink or do any kind of drug. I have very few people who want anything to do with me because of it. I've grown to accept that people want others around that party. Those are not the kind of people I would want to associate with, so I don't. It's even worse now that I'm in college. It's gotten harder, but I guess I've gotten used to it.



AspieOtaku
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24 Jan 2014, 1:28 am

I dobt hate women just the mean ones!


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25 Jan 2014, 7:41 pm

I love women as an abstract concept. The bearers of life. Some of them are b*****s, but I care not.

Beyond the abstract concept, they're all individuals.


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25 Jan 2014, 8:18 pm

A lot of people seem to decide to bunch all women together and judge all of them based on bad experiences with several bad examples.

It is an very common occurrence, and I very much dislike it. It is similar to the assumption that all women are bad drivers because some of them are.



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25 Jan 2014, 8:27 pm

MjrMajorMajor wrote:
I used to feel that way growing up, but it becomes a stereotype you should try letting go of as you get older. Some women will continue to be cliquey and conformist, and some women will continue to turn passive-aggressive b#tchyness into a high art form. You just have to search out the ones that don't (and they do exist).


Feeling a bit cranky today?