Embarrasing Problem; Anyone Else?

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I've recently become sexually active, after a really long time. To my dismay, my partner cannot penetrate me. And, it hurts a lot when he does try. Thankfully, he is very patient and gentle with me. But I feel sort of embarrassed and frustrated, because I really want this intimacy with him. Is it possible for a woman to "shrink" from long abstinence? Or, is there something else that could be wrong? I never had this problem in the past.

Have any other women had this problem, and what did you do to remedy it, if anything?

Have you talked to your doctor about it? It sounds sort of like secondary vaginsmus, which can come up at any stage in life, even if you never had problems before. Here is a site about it; that might help.

If you don't think that's it, it is possible for a woman to become tighter if she's been inactive for a long period of time. There are dialators (which are essentially a set of increasingly larger dildos) that can be used to start stretching out again. However, unless y'all aren't taking the time to get to the point where you're sufficently aroused and/or he's unusually large, it's not that likely.

Been there, done that. For penetration to be possible, there needs to be lubrication. I believe that most women have the necessary vaginal fluids come on cue, which facilitates the penetration. I don't have it that easily myself. With previous partners, I've found that a generous application of KY Personal Lubricant was effective in remedying the problem.
With S, my present partner and the man I hope to spend the rest of my life with, we have discovered another tactic. I apologize in advance if this is too graphic for anyone.
S generally performs oral sex on me first, taking plenty of time to thoroughly lubricate the area with his tongue. That method works quite effectively. That also helps stimulate the area, bringing forth some natural lubrication. I just need a little extra help with that. S and I only need to use lubricant when we're pressed for time.
I apologize for the graphic post, and I hope I didn't make anyone uncomfortable. I hope my suggestions helped somewhat.

Well if you dont think it's lubrication maybe I can't contribute anything, but I will say I was unable to have intercourse at first when I became active.
Just wasn't damp enough. We always use lubricant now, and it helps even more to have stimulation before hand. Pleasure helps relax the muscles of the are and make them ready for penetration.

Maybe you could try the back door instead...

When you had your hysterectomy did they also take your ovaries? That could definitely be the problem. It would have put you in a state of menopause instantly, causing the vaginal tissue to atrophy, which could make sex painful. Estrogen creams can help rejuvenate the tissue, and make sex more comfortable.

I used to have this problem and I haven't had a hysterectomy and I was nowhere near menopause (age 21 at the time). All of a sudden sex hurt...and I mean...really HURT. It felt like a razor cutting me. It made sex almost impossible. I went to a bunch of different ob/gyns, and supposedly it was all in my head...there was nothing physically wrong with me....no reason for the pain. Then I found out about a condition called vulvar vestibulitis, a form of vulvodynia. It's caused by a overgrowth of nerves due to inflammation. I found a doctor that specialized in treating painful intercourse, but I had to wait a year to see him. It was worth it. He listened to me and told me it wasn't in my head, and that I did have vulvar vestibulitis. He gave me a lidocaine gel to numb the vestibule so sex was possible. I wasn't completely numb, but sex wasn't nearly was painful. He also gave me an estrogen cream, which I don't think did much.... Sex wasn't as painful, but I always needed to use the lidocaine, and some of would inadvertently numb my boyfriend too.

Then a few years ago I started having seizures as a side effect of an antipsychotic I was taking, and ended up on 2400mg of neurontin a day. Somehow this fixed the pain problem along with the seizure problem, and I no longer needed the lidocaine. Eventually I came off the neurontin and the pain hasn't come back. Anit-convulsants are sometimes used to treat nerve pain.

Well perhaps you do need oestrogen. My mom is on them at the mo for other reasons down there.
Talk to a specialist?

Although it could be something else, I have to say that this happened to me as well with my current husband. I had not been active for a few years before him...and it took us a bit, as it felt like the first time all over again...hmmm...he was very patient and eventually it happened...but it did take a few tries and a bit of pain, similar to the first time, although not as bad...

If at first you don't succeed...
Glad to see it's working out for you. Sometimes I can have discomfort even after just a few weeks. As always, a patient and careful partner and communication can work wonders.