Worried about gender confusion...

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For the past 10 years I have been really confused about my gender. I think it started around puberty when I desperately tried to push my breasts back in. They didn't feel right at all (although my mum says I was very young to go through pubetry at 11). I have hated looking at the thing that is apparently my body ever since. Many times I have cut my hair short, like in a boy's hair cut and worn boys clothes. Again this was easier when I was younger because I am very small but have fairly wide hips.

This probably sounds like a confused teenager's babble (my psycho thinks I might be 'hitting my teens' emotionally about now) but I am quite scared. I really want to cut my hair short again but everyone is telling me not to because I look 'feminine'. This is exactly what I don't want. Help or advice needed please...

I've been told I look very feminine myself, but I'd rather look androgynous than masculine. You may want to think about whether you would prefer being androgynous or masculine. This may be something to seek a professional's opinion on because gender confusion is obviously distressing but any type of sex change is pretty much permanent and very expensive. I'd say you need to do some "soul searching" in regards to your gender.

I agree with Peko.

Your hairstyle, however, is a personal choice. Do what YOU want with it. (No one sees you in the mirror more often than you.)

Also, I have a friend whose a legit MTF and I can tell you getting people to be accepting of this can be a major pain and the people in your past will probably always be confused as to how they should address you. In the end, you need to do what is right for you.

I've always felt fairly androgenous...Confusing in my late teens and early
twenties when I was often told I was sexy and/or beautiful. Most young
women may enjoy hearing such comments, not me, I found it annoying.
I would have rather
been admired for my strength and cut muscles from my weight training.
In my forties, I can still have my girlie days, but I've learned I feel most
authentic when being androgenous.

We all need to find what's real for us. Don't let anyone else define who
you are..."To Thine Own Self Be True"....I can't emphasize how important
this is...

I don't think I have got to a point where a sex change would be required. I just don't feel comfortable in my body. I suppose I could be a transvestite!

I go through the same things, except I don't consider "gender confusion" a problem! Because it is one of the things that makes me me.

Society expects so much nonsense from women. They stereotype us to be an inhuman doll just for looking at. But women are so much more. We are human, and we need to act the way we feel is most natural for us.

I agree that your hair is YOUR hair! Just because people tell you you "look pretty" with it long is not a valid argument for them to control YOUR looks!

I loved having my hair short and cut like a boy's, but then my face "filled out" and it looked fat! so I keep it long, but in a ponytail to look less girly.

I dress in men's cargo shorts/pants and tank tops, I never wear dresses, and I, too, wish that I was flat as a board in my chest, and skinny as a rail to boot, just so my curves would be less obvious and I would look more tomboyish. That can be done (pretty much) with diet and exercise.

Do what makes you feel comfortable, KNOWING that you WILL be ridiculed by the masses at times. Because it happens, even though it's not right. But don't let it mold you into a cookie-cutter girl!

I too, went through this in my younger days. It often consumed me:( with thoughts like those expressed here, but
I have come to be at peace with my "gender confusion." For me, shifting back and forth between male and female is just something I do. For me it is normal. I have recently come to accept that it is a part of who I am, after years of struggle. Allowing myself to feel at ease, regardless of where I feel I am, on that swing of the gender pendulum , at any given moment.

Peko's advice is right on...Soul searching, and professional guidence (from someone you can trust,) also meditation, prayer and of course information, to help you decide what's best for you ...Take Care

Do what you feel comfortable with in regards to your hair. Its none of anyone elses business.

I used to be really confused a few years ago so for a while between the age of 14-16 (most of the time while being 15) I was a transvestite basically and wore boys' clothes and had boys' hairstyles and the more like a boy I looked the better. Then at 16 I changed my mind. Nowadays I wear a mixture of both sex's clothes and I have long hair now. I have boy days and girl days where sometimes I feel really girly and want to dress up a bit, but I have some days where I want to wear a checked shirt and big trainers (today was a boy day). I also prefer to be in the company of boys and all my close friends are boys, I sometimes use words that boys tend to use like "tits" and stuff.
I am straight most of the time and call myself straight when being asked, but I sometimes find certain girls to be very attractive, so even though I'm not confused anymore about gender issues I don't just stick with the same thing.

And why should people feel pressured to be overtly masculine or feminine? If you feel like you're more androgynous then be and look as androgynous as you wish.

I'm gender confused. I feel like a man with strong feminine side. Like a male brain hidden inside female body, exciting make up and dresses.

I would say I'm gender confused, but not to the point where I've ever seriously considered a sex change. For a long time I hated having a female body, and when I went through puberty I was disgusted by it as I'd never really felt like a girl and it just made it seem more real. A few years ago I would often get comments like "is that a man or a woman?" and got called Sir on a number of occasions, but in the past couple of years I've started to feel a bit more comfortable having a slightly feminine side and have cut my hair and sometimes wear make up and even feminine clothes on some occasions. I tend to behave very much like one of the guys, to the point of discussing women I find attractive when I'm with male friends. I'm happy with the way I am and don't really see it as a problem - I don't feel the need any more to have to be either one extreme or the other - at one point I tried too hard to push any femininity away and I really hate all the female stereotypes and refuse to conform to societies expectations of what a woman should be, but I feel a lot happier now that I don't feel ashamed to have a feminine side as well as a masculine one.

Thanks everyone. I feel a bit better now (I chopped my hair short this morning... probably should've gone to a hairdresser but I was really screwed up in the head...)

I think it's more common than we think to have some gender confusion, or experience times where we want to be the opposite sex, or be androgynous. This is not something most people are comfortable talking about. I have a few MtF friends, so I got comfortable with it fast!

I don't remember anyone having trouble telling I was a girl when I was a little kid, but at about age 6, people began to think I was a boy pretty often. It drove me nuts; I used to beg and beg my parents to let me grow my hair out! The last time it happened I was 10, and my mother had finally agreed I could grow my hair to my shoulders as long as I took good care of it. A little old lady stopped by my brother and I in a shop, and said, "Aren't you nice boys, to go shopping with your mother!" I shouted, "I'M A GIRL!" at the top of my lungs and flummoxed her, the poor thing. Weirdly, at 11 and 12, I suddenly wanted to be a boy. When my two best friends and I would play make-believe, I always wanted to be the prince (or specific men, namely Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, and Napoleon) or other male role. I maintained an androgynous appearance until I was about 16, when I really began to enjoy my femininity. I stopped trying to hide my breasts, wore my uniform kilt more often than pants (I loved the way the pleats swung when I walked), got my first pair of real heels, wore jewelry other than studs in my ears, and began to wear a little makeup. I still think I'd be perfectly happy if I was born male -- as though my brain is androgynous -- but I'm not, so I make the most out of being a girl and love it!

I've finally decided that I must be something called "gender queer", which basically means that I don't feel like a male or a female. As ridiculously polarized as gender roles are, I bet that a lot of people feel the same way and just don't admit it.

I can relate to that... As I mentioned before I will at times feel male, at times feel female, however the majority of the time I believe I'm rather unaware of my sexual identity....I'm just
"me".