Do All Men Do Stupid ****?

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Or should I move on?

I've been dating the same guy for three years and I'm so over some of the crap he does. The biggest thing getting on my nerves right now is how he tells everyone in my house, including the animals "I'm going to punch/kick you in the face." Someone angers him at work, he complains at home and says the same thing - "I'm going to punch her in the face." Last night, I expressed that I didn't believe he would ever do so. So, he took it one step further and kicked me in the face. He didn't do it hard and I don't think he meant to do anything but psyche (sp?) me out, but he was childish enough to take it one step further and do it. And that's what he does all the time. He can't let stuff go. And who gets hurt? Me. I have a bruise on my arm from the other night when he thought it was funny to make the dog run over me.

Add this kind of behavior to the fact he's not in any way romantic, outwardly supportive, or helpful around the house unless forced like a child...I'm just over his behavior.

Do all men act freaking stupid or is there still hope? Because I don't know if I should just give up or what? I've built up this fear that no one will want to date a girl with Asperger's Syndrome, because I'm no fun and I just don't know if I should settle or what...

No we don't

We all do stupid stuff, but it sounds like he does way too much of it. Kicking you in the face? That's not right.

Maybe he needs some help channelling his frustration into something more constructive. Maybe a hobby, artistic pursuit, exercise or meditation could work for him and help him process his frustrations. If he really wants to kick people, maybe a martial art.

Maybe he thinks his behaviour is acceptable. Communication isn't always a strong point for aspies. Make sure you express how you feel when he does such things. He might make an effort to change, or if not, then you can be more sure that it's time to ditch him.

Well, it sounds like he is frustrated at things out of his control, not you per se. So if he can redirect that frustration elsewhere, hopefully towards constructive problem solving, then maybe this can be resolved.

http://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/mrgoodbad.php

Hope this helps.

In the end, frustrated or not, you don't deserve to be treated that way.

That sounds like very immature and overly aggressive behaviour. I wouldn't want to put up with it, either. Deciding to leave someone is a very delicate and personal decision. Sometime you just reach a point where you know you are over him; other times you can go on for many years putting up with it. Sometimes couples counseling helps, but either it's too expensive or one of the people refuses to go. In some ways it would be easier for you if he just went ahead and punched you for real, because then you could make up your mind very easily. When he's just acting stupid it's difficult to tell where this could lead. Traditionally, people say that any sort of male violence will always escalate, but I have not found this personally to be true. I know many older couples who have been married for decades and the man still behaves in stupid and immature ways like this, without ever resorting to real violence. Is it worth it? No one can say except you. I'd find it difficult to maintain respect for a man like this, and for that reason I would leave if nothing would convince him to quit it.

Welp, when he got home from work, I told him that what he did last night had been troubling me all day. His response was "Oh, okay." Then, he walked out of the room. He came back with his check for his part of the rent and was telling me about something that happened today like I hadn't said anything. I was laying on my bed with my dog. My dog jumped up and was trying to get his attention. He was being overbearing, so I started to discipline him. That's when my bf put his hands around his ears and squeezed to the point my dog whimpered. I said, "Hey" like 'stop it' (you don't need to do hurt my dog to stop him from misbehaving) and he said, "Fine!", stomped out of the room, grabbed a shirt out of his room, and left the house. Childish or what?

That's not just stupid sh*t, Meggo. That's abuse. Get the hell away from that guy. Why are you staying with him? He has serious mental issues because he cannot relate to others or express discomfort without violence. He takes enjoyment out of seeing others hurt. He's been violent toward you. How do you think he treats your dog when you're not around? Stop making excuses for him and get away from him before you or your dog get seriously injured.

That's disgusting behavior. You don't have to put up with it. I tell my kids they are allowed to get angry but they are not allowed to lose self control. This was when they were 10 or eleven because its easy to let yourself rage if you are not careful. If he can't find an outlet for his frustration you will have nothing more than misery.

No all guys aren't like that.

And this boy - is an evil person. Black aura. Run - as fast as you can.

Wow. Kicked you in the face? And you are questioning whether or not to go? As for hurting your dog -- you do know that most serial killers start out harming animals, right? I'd say an urge to hurt your dog is as bad a sign as physically abusing you -- even once! -- and ignoring your feelings (emotional abuse).

Now, my husband has a vile temper. Early in our cohabitation, he began saying, "I will throw you down the stairs!" The first couple times he said it, I was rather stunned and a little frightened. However, I quickly learned he would never, ever do such a thing -- he didn't even say it when he was angry. He was just being silly! If I ever said, "I don't believe you would do that," he would agree -- he would not pick me up (which he could do with ease) and actually throw me down the stairs. In fact, he would never -- no matter how angry he got -- ever hit, kick, punch, or harm me in any way. He has learned to channel his anger in ways that are not harmful or destructive.

I'm not saying he's perfect. He's not. He sometimes doesn't tell me that he's going out with the boys for food and drinks until the last minute, when I've already made dinner. Or he'll make a social engagement for us and not tell me -- for example, he just walked in here and told me that tomorrow we are helping someone move. He gets really irritated if I won't back down when he disagrees with me (he has been known to yell, "Just shut up and agree with me!" at times). He shifts blame; he is overweight and blames this on my cooking as opposed to the fact that he overeats and never gets any exercise. (Although he's had to back off of this, since I have lost 6 lbs. in two weeks on our new eating plan.) He's lazy; he almost never does anything around the house unless I ask him to, and b*****s and procrastinates when I do ask! He can be neglectful, eating dinner in front of the TV and then spending hours on his computer. But he has NEVER abused me or our dog, physically or emotionally.

My husband has a lot of great qualities, too! When I'm upset he will drop everything to talk to me -- or just hold me, if that's what I want. We've been together almost nine years, and he still never touches me without checking if I'm okay with it (with him, I almost always am). He tolerates the extremes of my AS and hardly ever complains; he's even stopped using the word "cure" in reference to my AS (at my request). He supports my independence, never gets jealous if I spend time with my male friends, let me read the Harry Potter books to him and got as into them as I am, does the grocery shopping (sensory input of supermarkets overwhelms me), takes me on date nights, is happy that I don't want kids, encourages me in my interests and hobbies, plays card games and board games and video games with me, took the time to teach me the rules of football (no one else ever would), and is overall a good companion and my best friend. He's one of those rare, truly decent human beings; he doesn't have to try to be good, he just is. You deserve someone who is all of that and more -- not someone who threatens violence, hurts your dog, and acts as though violence against you is no big deal.

Hale_bopp had it right when she said, "Run - as fast as you can." Do it. Don't stand by and let him hurt your dog, and abuse you physically and emotionally!

If you hate him so much do yourselves both a favor and break up with him.

What's wrong with being by yourself? If someone better comes along, obviously its more convenient if you are single at the time.