Do aspie females seek relationships with aspie males?
Same here. I don't specifically seek out men with aspie traits. But in NT relationships I always felt overwelmed by the amount of time spent socializing and doing familiy stuff. I was fatiqued all the time and spent lots of time in bed after those interactions. In hind sight I can't believe my boyfriends put up with that. My current boyfriend is pretty geeky and I met him at my IT job. He has some aspie traits but he is way better at getting social cues than I am. I still get tired all the time but he is very understanding about that .
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I fall in between these extremes. When going into a new social situation, I will quiz my strong, extroverted NT husband on appropriate social behavior. I share my thoughts with him ahead of time. I call him my "pocket neurotypical." In that way, he does "lead" me socially.
However, we don't tend to hang out together at social events. He's very extroverted, so moves from group to group or conversation to conversation with ease. I'm more likely to wind up in a situation where a lot of talking isn't required -- playing a board came, card game, or video game, or having one long conversation with one person all evening. (I have learned how to give and take and not monopolize a conversation -- it took a lot of work, but I'm much better at it now.) When we are actually in a social situation, I don't want or need him to lead me. I don't want or need protection, but I do like having him around to give me advice. (Or step on my foot when I'm out of control.) I don't want to protect him, either; I want us to be equals, working together to create a harmonious whole.
I have never dated a fellow Aspie. I have a few Aspie friends, and some of them have been interested in a romantic relationship, but I never returned the interest. I guess I'm drawn to NT guys. My suspicion is that it has to do with my parents and their marriage. They are both introverted NTs -- but my mom does a great job of acting extroverted, while my father has learned to be a good listener. They have a strong, supportive, happy marriage. They are still in love after 42 years of marriage. I am a great deal like my dad, which is fine with me. I think that, knowing how much I am like my father, I sought out someone a great deal like my mother, under the subconscious assumption that the two types guarantee a great marriage. Seems to be working so far!
Tyri0n
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Webalina
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I don't intentionally seek out Aspie males, but I seem to be attracted to them because of what I find attractive in men in general -- very intelligent and well-read, quirky sense of humor, love to get into debates and long discussions about obscure subjects, have something he's passionate about, whether that be a hobby or a cause; someone not interested in parties or barhopping but would rather stay home and watch movies; and I think guys who wear glasses are kind of sexy. So there you go -- the perfect Aspie male.
I think it depends on the person, really... Some Aspie females may prefer the company of an NT, while others would like to be understood better by getting together with someone else on the spectrum.
Personally, for me, I feel like I'd do better with an NT man, (although, that's not to say that I don't find some things about Aspie males to be unattractive), it's just that I feel it would be the most beneficial for me. For example, he'd be able to get me out of my shell a lot more often, as well as getting myself to open up to newer things.
I voted don't care. I'm currently dating a guy who is also aspies, but I've also dated NT people. I like this guy better, but I also have a more solid starting relationship with him (also... Aquarius/Sagittarius).
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I've been a member of at least three autism dating sites and my profiles didn't rise to the occasion. I'm still hoping there's a girlsperger out there for me. Why? I imagine it'll be wonderful not to have to always try to figure her out because she'll tell me who she is and what she wants.
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I haven't dated much, but I did date an Aspie male once (dating him was what clued me in to my own Aspie traits). Honestly, and you can call me a hypocrite for this, I didn't like it. He was great at first: super gregarious, childlike, and fun. However, after a while I started to get tired of his own repetitiveness, inability to focus his attention on me when I needed it, and lack of ability to take charge. He wasn't very intellectual, either, which I felt I needed in a man. He also became super clingy, and I need ample time to be alone.
I know every Aspie male is different, and if the chance came again in the future to date another I wouldn't say no, but he specifically was too childish for me. Since I am more childlike myself I felt I needed someone in whom I could take refuge and trust to guide me when I'm not sure what to do (socially, especially). As it stands now, I am dating an NT male, and I love him and trust him very much. He's a smart, technically minded engineer who is very savvy about how things works, and lets me be me.
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That in itself rules out a significant portion of the NT population, and virtually all uber-NT men.
Yeah I'd have a hard time in a relationship with someone not interested at all in those things, the other big one is metal music...a guy who doesn't like it certainly probably wouldn't accompany me to concerts or want to listen to it when we're just hanging out. Luckily I found someone who likes all three of those things.
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candleghost
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My current partner is Aspie, and by far the most healthy relationship I've ever had, he understands more, and is very supportive. He got me to seek help for my problems, and was the first one to say point blank 'woman your an aspie and that's a good thing' I wouldn't change him for the world.
Previous relationships with NTs were abusive, the last NT used to hit me if I displayed my 'weird' behavior, and blamed me for making his sons 'weird' which is technically true they got ASD from my side of the genetic mix (I call that a WIN )
All the friendships/relationships I've had with Aspie men have always been better. either I only met the nasty NTs or I've just found the better aspies?
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