Have to go to the Gyno

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I'm terrified.

Ok, that's an exaggeration. I'm very much dreading it. I DONT want to go, I don't want the procedures, yet I know it has to be done for health reasons. I'm not sexually active, but health-wise it's good to go.

I'm very sensitive. And, the last thing I want is some stupid person who thinks being sensitive is a front, and who doesn't care.

My question is, male or female doctor? I don't really want a guy looking at me, but I don't want a woman to be rough.

Help, please help.

Talk to other local women in your life and find out how they like their gynos and what their experience with them has been. Basically look for good references. Find someone you like and stick with them. My aunt has had the same gyno for something like 30 years and she always has a good experience with him. I've mainly used Planned Parenthood for my checkups and find that each exam is different (I've also had a different doctor every time)
I generally take a "Get it Over With" attitude and then give myself a treat afterward, but that might not work for everyone.

A piece of advice is to ask for a female doctor or nurse. I usually do just had a recent exam and it can be uncomfortable but it is worth it to check things out. I make sure I have regular check ups but I would prefer a female doctor.

aaah sigh, I am assuming you're having a papsmear done.
Woman feel better with a female doctor/nurse whose done it. If you're sensitive tell her, a lot of people are. Both NT and non NT like us, Aspies/Auties... The vagina is a very sensitive place to begin with. Just tell her its you're 1st time (im only assuming), and yeah, its like cleaning your ears with a swab its the same process basically. she will stick a swab up your vagina and swab around a bit. Of course it feels weird but it doesnt hurt. Im super sensitive especially because i have scaring from child birth, but i didnt find that uncomfortable and it really didnt hurt.

I'm most concerned about what they stick in you to get the swab in in the first place.

But I think that was a good idea to talk to other women I know...
Now, how do you breach that conversation in a not-awkward way???

They'll insert a speculum Wiki-link for Speculum, which looks like an instrument of torture but really isn't. It will be a little uncomfortable but it should not be painful. If you find that it is, tell your doctor/nurse and they should re-adjust. Then they use a little spatula to take a sample from your cervix. I've had exams where I didn't feel this at all and a couple where I've felt something like a pinch. There aren't a lot of nerve endings in the outside of your cervix where they do the scrape so it really shouldn't be uncomfortable.
The whole thing should take less than about 5 minutes and it will mostly just be awkward and weird and I always feel more yucky from the lube they use w/ the speculum than from anything else.

There's really no delicate way to start the gyno reference conversation. Maybe just acknowledge the weirdness and then continue on? Something like: "I know this is kind of awkward to talk about, but I'm looking for a new gynocologist and I wondered how you like yours?"

I find the speculum to be painful.

It is important to go once in a while though. I went recently after not having gone for over 15 years and they found things that probably could have been caught sooner if I had gone regularly.

I had my first one last year and it was rather painless. It was a little uncomfortable when the doctor performed the pelvic exam (mostly just a lot of pressure). I didn't feel the actual pap smear and I hardly noticed the speculum. The doctor was very conscientious in terms of telling me what she was doing during the process, warned me at the times when it she thought it might be uncomfortable and asked me how I was.

It's quite unpleasant, but survivable. I've always gone to Planned Parenthood and had female Ob-Gyns; I wouldn't ever see a man unless I was dying, or he was gay.

Most gynaes I've seen have been male and I don't have a problem with that at all. It makes absolutely no difference to me, as I only see myself as a patient, when I'm being examined. I've never known any to be rough and most are particularly gentle. They usually have a female nurse in the room too (unless you happen to take a female relative in with you), when they are examining you. I don't like the speculum much, but it doesn't take long. It can be uncomfortable, but it's not really painful.

i just screamed and ran out of a gynaec room during pregnancy testing she inserted her fingers inside my vagina during 6 month of pregnancy
i kept running away from doctors during pregnancy and finally after that i rarely visited gynaec's only once i visited a gynaec when i had infection.
never visited a guy and probably wouldnt and never want to get pregnant again.

Yeah, the multiple exams one has to go through when pregnant and delivering are definitely one of the things I see as a big 'negative' to being pregnant. It's important to find a provider whose level of touch - gentleness or firmness - doesn't creep you out, and whom you feel that you can trust to stop the exam if you tell them to stop.

I don't remember getting any internal exams when I was pregnant, except for the time when I had a small bleed and then during labour (to check how far on I was). At most check-ups, I had my bump felt and the baby's heartbeat listened to, but nothing more. I don't think it's commonplace for there to be a lot of uncomfortable exams, unless there is concern about the mother or baby.

If you have an early ultrasound, the best view is with a 'trans-vaginal' probe; if there are bleeding issues, or any other issues (not uncommon), a provider is likely to want to do a pelvic. If your labor is induced, they might want to inserd cervidil, which I have been told can be painful. Not to mention multiple checks to see how far along you are, and having someone mucking about down there during the actual delivery. I can definately see the appeal of using an untrained/lay midwife, even if I wouldn't advocate it for health reasons.

When I was pregnant I didn't have any pelvic exams but that wasn't because they didn't want to do them. I refused that and almost anything else they wanted to do to me and only went to the doctor one time. I didn't even go for my 6 week check-up and didn't have my first pelvic exam until a year after giving birth.

that was very assertive of you when i objected to these my mum started yelling at me and i remember my mother in law tying me up forcibly and forcing me to have normal delivery when i wanted to opt for C-section she just slapped me hard.
You'll are lucky not to be born in India here there is lot of dominance of elders they decide what you wear, whom you talk with, where you go and how your child should be delivered everything is dictated.