Can a change of hairstyle help with your approach?

Post Reply New Topic

Lately I've become more self-conscious about myself than ever before, which is also a big factor of the depression I have. I have proof that I am unapproachable and give off unfriendly vibes, because I often get ignored whenever I pass people in the street, or visitors at work. I see visitors greeting other members of staff there, whether they know them or not, but whenever I smile to them or even just meet their eye, they give an awkward look and don't give a proper smile or anything, but do to others. So maybe something's wrong about me what I need to start thinking of changing. Yes, even when I smile I still don't get the positive response I see other people getting. I know I shouldn't let it get to me what a few strangers I meet in the day think of me, but it's more so the principle of the matter. Why should others be acknowledged without hardly having to try or even actually intend to be greeted at the time, but I have to make all the effort but still get nowhere? When you think about it, it does seem rather isolating.

So I was wondering if perhaps a change of hairstyle may perhaps work. It might make my face look more friendly. I have read in magazines before that your hairstyle can have an impact on the vibes you give off. My hair is kind of plain; it's just down past my shoulder and too straight, with the front tucked behind my ears. I feel fed up with this boring old hairstyle, and it's making my face look too long and practically does me no justice. I can't bear hair across my face, so I was thinking of having a fringe, as some close relatives and friends of mine (whom I trust) have told me that a fringe will best suit me. Before I was embarrassed about getting my hairstyle changed, but now I'm starting to feel that I should. It won't change everything completely, I know that. But it will soften my face and seeing the tip in magazines that say ''get your hair styled, it will help a lot'' did get through to me and I'm wondering if bettering my hairstyle might perhaps give me a more friendlier vibe in my approach?

If that doesn't work, then I don't know what will. I'm tired of feeling isolated and being ignored like I look stupid.

I decided at about the age of 30 that my long hair and casual dress might be holding me back from promotion into higher paying management positions, so I cut my hair into a much more conservative style and switched to dress slacks and ties. It made absolutely no discernible difference in the way I was treated by my professional peers or superiors. Zip Nada. Zilch. Peers voted me awards for talent, bosses bullied and fired me for being odd and getting on their nerves, and I spent half my time unemployed. I yam what I yam - a square peg in a round world - and fashion will not hide it.

Then suicide is the only other option for me. There's no way I'm living a life of loneliness and isolation.

A change of hairstyle can do good things to your confidence levels, which in turn can be unconsciously -- or consciously -- perceived by others, and they may respond more positively.
That's a general truism.


Although having said that, I wouldn't sweat it too much about getting a smile from a stranger. That isn't really something that occurs much to anyone anyway, generally.


.

i'll say go for it.

i like to keep up a hairstyle because its what i enjoy doing. once a few months ago when i went out to a birthday party with my husband (although i didn't want to go but i like the dressing up part of it), i styled my hair a bit differently to how it normally is, and (between us women) my husbands friend actually got aroused when he caught sight of me. he always thinks i am pretty but something about my different look must have really made him feel more strongly about me.

so your hairstyle can have a different affect on how people approach you. not saying everything will change to the opposite to what is has always been, but i mean some hairstyles can suit you more than others and can make your face look a little different. also if it makes you feel more confident about yourself then that also helps too.

you'll be surprised. dont let people's negative opinions about it get you down. sometimes a hairstyle can help bring out your inner beauty.

I don't think so. Whatever hairstyle you have, you will still look nice on the inside. I'm contemplating getting my hair cut short, say hypothetically, but I will look nice on the inside.

A change of hairstyle could boost your self esteem. It could make your hair one less thing to stress about since if you get the right syle for your lifestyle you won't have to put much effort into caring for it and it will still look good. It could make you look more attractive. People like people with high self esteem. People like people who look put-together. People like attractive people. In those senses, it could make you more likely to be approached and less likely to be ignored.

4 things that upgrade your image instantly -especially if you are an older woman:

Great haircut
Good shoes
Good watch
Good teeth

Of these 3, hair is the most important visually IMO - a style that suits your face and size takes years off and transforms the whole of the way you look.

Even if you are in your oldest sloppiest clothes, the "fab four" can rescue the impact you make re self-presentation.

Haircut really makes a difference. I could say it looking at my old photos. I was experiencing with different hairstyles and haircolors.
I used to wear a long ponytail with fringe when I was 15-16. I was looking like I was almost bald even though I have a lot of hair.
Then I started to keep my hair shoulder length, loose, with side bangs and blond highlights. I was looking like a average teen girl back then, noone could say I am different just by my look.
Then I eliminated the bangs and got myself a straight, cheek length haircut and dyed my hair dark red (not ginger). I looked weird, it didn't fit my face at all.
So I cut it to a short bob with a fringe and dyed it to ginger color. I looked kinda like a boy but it did fit my style so I wasn't looking weird.
Then I let the hair grow, just keeping my fringe right length. I got allergic to the dyes so I returned to my natural haircolor - dark brown. When my hair were cheek length I looked quite nice, with the irregular ends on my back. And I could style it to look like Alice Cullen. Not bad at all.
And then the current me. Fringe + loose, dark brown hair shoulder length with irregular ends. I look similar to the girl on my avatar. Boys consider me pretty.

Joe90, if you don't mind a male perspective, I once knew this girl about 5 years younger than me. In short, the age of women I get along with best both as friends and dates and around your age. I knew her for about 2 years and nothing really stood out about her: she seemed nice, but nothing out of the ordinary. Then, she changed her hairstyle (where I could clearly see her earrings) and suddenly she looked drop dead gorgeous just like that. Nothing else changed about her, even the earrings. It's almost like the change of style dropped the scales from my eyes and I realized what an amazing person she really was. Sadly, I chickened out and she moved away but she probably would have made a great friend as I already knew her on a first name basis. My eyes practically popped out of my head when I first saw her new hairstyle.

She never changed her personality, I just actually noticed her inner beauty when she changed her hairstyle. I was never able to look at her as 'ordinary' after that point. Looking back, I am kicking myself for being blind but the fact of the matter is I would have never noticed if not for the change in style. I had a similar result at work when I wore a suit. People who didn't like me suddenly told me how good looking I was and started hitting on me just like that. Maybe it was the confidence but the difference was night and day even though I was the same person.

Yes, getting a fringe is a great idea.
When I got a fringe (we call it bangs here in the US) I noticed people approached me more. No joke.
I think it's because it hides my frown lines lol.
But yeah, get a fringe and even if it doesn't work out it'll grow back anyway.

Thank you, the replies here are very encouraging. Some people have said to me that a hairstyle won't make any difference because I will still be me, but most people say a change of hairstyle will boost my self-esteem, make me feel more confidence, and confidence is the key so it might just make things better.

I know a young man who suffers with shyness and low self-esteem, and has to drink alcohol to be able to socialise, otherwise he just shies away (he is not on the spectrum, just has shyness and self-esteem issues). He smokes an awful lot, wears out-of-shape clothes, doesn't do anything with his hair, eats the wrong things an awful lot and has got noticeably fat, has a really untidy and dirty room, and hasn't had a girlfriend since he was at school (he's in his mid-20's now). And his mum knows that if he at least cut back on smoking, brought some new and trendy clothes, neatened his hair, cut back on fatty foods and treated his body to fruit (instead of too much chocolate) and lost weight, and cleared up his room and got a new carpet, he would feel better about himself. His mum will be more proud of him, and he might even meet a nice girl, which will help boost his self-esteem even more.

I have also read in fashion magazines that sometimes your hair can give off a different vibe. Sometimes I feel like I give off the wrong vibes that afflict me from feeling connected or respected. I have also been told by lots of NT women that the right hairstyle that suits you and you are happy with can bring out your inner beauty, and like what one of the posters here said, people like confidence, attractiveness and high self-esteem.

When you feel like you look good, you carry yourself differently, act differently, basically give off a different vibe than when you feel you look bad or even just average. I have depression and when I'm depressed I don't bother with my hair or makeup or clothes but if I force myself to do it, and feel like I look good then my whole perspective on the day changes. It must make me act differently too because people, even my own family, treat me differently.

I would really suggest doing it Joe. I'd also suggest playing around with different makeup looks too if you want to. Makeovers at the mall aren't that great in my opinion but YouTube has tons of tutorial videos on how to do different looks. Get your makeup together (or if you don't have much then go buy a bunch of $1 dollar store stuff) and a mirror and spend a few hours playing around with different things on YouTube.

As for your hair, do you have any ideas on what you might want to do? Have you considered trying updo's or even curls or different styles with what you have? It's amazing what you can actually do without a cut, so if you want to try other things first that's a lot of fun to try.

My hair down past my shoulderblades but very thin and straight. I do tons of different styles with it. I don't have a lot of ecquipment either, just a curling iron, hot rollers, straightener, bobby pins, hair pins, teasing brush, teasing comb with pick, and regular brush. And of course, aerosol hairspray. I got almost all my ideas from YouTube tutorials. Look at some of those and play around with it and see what you might find that you like. I'm not saying don't go get it done, because that's a great thing to do. What I'm saying is, look on there at what all you can do with what you've got. I know I was so surprised to find out that I could so so many different things with my long, boring, straight hair. I thought I'd have to get it cut or get a perm or something to make it do anything at all, but you can find some amazing things on YouTube.

I can send you some links to hair tutorial channels that I like if you want me to, or just look up hair tutorial on there.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

Wow, great thread ! !

I have always had long hair and my only "style" was to plait it. I went to a Catholic school run by nuns (yeah, great place to learn about style) ! ! School rules for every student from KG to 12th grade / sixth form was that hair that wasn't cut short (what they called "Diana cut" back in the day) had to tightly pulled back and plaited up. As an adult, I continued with this "style" because it was the only way I had ever worn my hair.

Right after my son was diagnosed, I went and chopped it all off to below my shoulders. Long hair - no matter how you wear it - is a lot of maintenance that I just no longer had any time for. My hubby hated it that short, so I let it grow back to just below shoulders / above chest level. It is held up in a pony because it is very difficult for me to wear it "loose" aka down. It does tend to grow past my waist, so every 6 weeks, I have to cut it back short.

I actually feel different since changing my "style". I look / feel like a woman now, rather than an overgrown school girl, even with my hair in a pony. IF my son gets better and I let my hair grow long again, I would probably and habitually start plaiting it, but ... In the meanwhile, I would appreciate those tutorials, OOM.

I'm a guy who shaves my head, so I can't speak from personal experience. However, I have noticed that women who are happy with their appearance seem to do better. So, do what ever makes you feel good about yourself.

(the options are bangs or suicide? this is a new one on me.)

A good haircut can help, but keep in mind that styled hair requires maintenance -- you're not going to hop out of the shower and go. You'll need styling tools, hair product, regular haircuts (probably every six weeks or so).

My hair's cut like yours -- just below shoulder, straight, no bangs, more or less center-parted, often back in a ponytail. It's a classic cut -- not blunt-cut, it's true, but few stylists will do that to you unless you request it -- and if well-maintained looks quite nice. I'd recommend making sure the ends are well-cared-for; if you pull it back and use a little scarf to wrap the pony-holder with, this looks nice; if you can manage a side part with a precision cut, and you have classy earrings, this look says money. A little brilliantine or pomade can keep it shiny and smooth.

People really respond to friendliness and warmth, though, not hairstyle. Also to authority and their perceptions of who you are in an organisation. If they conceive of you as a functionary, they're likely to ignore you -- I think secretaries have the hardest time with that. Either they're invisible/unacknowledged or they've got strong enough personalities to be noticed -- and then they're either central and much beloved or feared and respected. What do you do?