Joined: 17 Feb 2012 Age: 42 Gender: Male Posts: 13,051 Location: San Jose
11 Mar 2015, 2:34 am
auntblabby wrote:
IMHO, no mere human is worth getting out of control over.
You are right, I cry at thethought of causing harm to another human being and avoid confrontations at all costs I am afraid of myself at times I also get in the same mode when wanting to defend someone close to me from an attacker! I do what it takes to ensure her safety!
_________________ Your Aspie score is 193 of 200 Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200 You are very likely an aspie No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList
Joined: 17 Feb 2012 Age: 42 Gender: Male Posts: 13,051 Location: San Jose
11 Mar 2015, 3:10 am
smudge wrote:
Emma Watson wrote:
It is time that we all see gender as a spectrum instead of two sets of opposing ideals...
I want men to take up this mantle. So their daughters, sisters and mothers can be free from prejudice but also so that their sons have permission to be vulnerable and human too - reclaim those parts of themselves they abandoned and in doing so be a more true and complete version of themselves...
When at 18, my male friends were unable to express their feelings...
(Men) Gender equality is your issue too. Because to date, I've seen my father's role as a parent being valued less by society despite my needing his presence, as a child, as much as my mother's. I've seen young men suffering from mental illness, unable to ask for help, for fear it would make them less of a men—or less of a man. In fact, in the U.K., suicide is the biggest killer of men, between 20 to 49, eclipsing road accidents, cancer and coronary heart disease. I've seen men made fragile and insecure by a distorted sense of what constitutes male success. Men don't have the benefits of equality, either.
I recommend you watch the whole speech, as I've only managed to copy and paste parts of it. Basically, I'm talking about the part that men should be allowed to feel vulnerable without being judged by other men and women.
I know women are partly to blame for this. Society in general is to blame, because of the assumptions that are put onto both sexes.
I realise that women want men to be strong for them, to protect them and provide security. I realise there will be a big bunch of women on here saying that they actually want equality, and someone who is the same worth as them, that they prefer to always pay for themselves etc. But in all honesty, I don't see the majority of women thinking like that.
But, I think for this discussion, we'll leave the money issues aside, firstly because it's been discussed before, and secondly because I want to concentrate on the concept of men being allowed to appear vulnerable, because I think that is a far bigger (and complex) issue.
In all honesty, I have never, ever minded when a man has genuinely cried in front of me (I say genuinely, because two I knew used crying to manipulate me). If anything, I thought it was sweet when it was genuine. I quite like it when a man shows a caring side every now and then, and keeping it together most of the time. Strong and caring is very attractive to me.
It's not just to do with crying though, but talking about feelings. I think most women would love it if men spoke about feelings, perhaps not in the same needy way that us women do though. I mean, that drives men nuts, I'm sure they wouldn't put someone else through that if they could help it.
Another thing that men do to appear "strong" is that you'll tell them a new idea, or talk about a problem and come up with a solution yourself, and then later on the man comes up with the same solution as if it's his idea. Women see through that, and aren't impressed.
Any more ideas, please put them here. I haven't put enough. It's actually quite hard for me to imagine it, but I think this topic should be explored, preferably by women as I want to hear how they'd feel about a man appearing vulnerable, and how it would change society.
Thanks I will accept that invitation *looks over his shoulder in case other men ridicule and laugh at him for it*
_________________ Your Aspie score is 193 of 200 Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200 You are very likely an aspie No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList
Joined: 18 Jun 2012 Age: 41 Gender: Male Posts: 3,293
11 Mar 2015, 7:12 am
auntblabby wrote:
you DO have the right to cry. any feeling person can take just one look at this world and find it sad beyond words.
I sometimes wonder if I am the only male in the planet who can see it. The schoolyard was full of sociopathic bullies who remain sociopathic adults. Probably another reason why I tend to like being around women more than men in general.
Joined: 6 May 2008 Age: 67 Gender: Male Posts: 59,912 Location: Stendec
11 Mar 2015, 8:26 am
GiantHockeyFan wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
you DO have the right to cry. any feeling person can take just one look at this world and find it sad beyond words.
I sometimes wonder if I am the only male in the planet who can see it. The schoolyard was full of sociopathic bullies who remain sociopathic adults. Probably another reason why I tend to like being around women more than men in general.
Most of the bullies from my childhood have died, usually from exercising their arrogance and stupidity. There is some comfort in knowing that I have at least outlived those who made my life miserable.
_________________
No love for Hamas, Hezbollah, Iranian Leadership, Islamic Jihad, other Islamic terrorist groups, OR their supporters and sympathizers.
Joined: 18 Jun 2012 Age: 41 Gender: Male Posts: 3,293
11 Mar 2015, 12:47 pm
Fnord wrote:
Most of the bullies from my childhood have died, usually from exercising their arrogance and stupidity. There is some comfort in knowing that I have at least outlived those who made my life miserable.
Lucky you. I would be much happier to see them all die horrific deaths. My brother even asked for their names just in case he gets a terminal illness because he wants revenge almost as much as I do (he sees how much I am mentally and emotionally f***ed up by what they did to me). I have flat out said to coworkers if I saw them on the street burning to death I would take great joy in watching. Enough about my psychotic ramblings though.
What really makes me depressed is to see they are all highly successful: trophy wives, high paying (sales) jobs, kids and well respected in the community even though they look like prison inmates. I swear I must be the only person who can see how pure evil they are. Thank God there are laws protecting me and they have a (phony) image to uphold or I would be dead. For crying out loud, one works with children even with a criminal record: probably because he used his jaw dropping ability to lie and deceive.
Sorry to hijack this thread but you have no idea how much everyone (especially other males) hates a guy who wears his heart on his sleeve or is sensitive and emotional...... unless he is a professional athlete that is.
Joined: 12 Feb 2010 Gender: Male Posts: 113,750 Location: the island of defective toy santas
11 Mar 2015, 2:48 pm
I like to believe the earth is the only domain where the bullies can win. IOW there is NOTHING waiting for them but various forms of torment, when they meet their maker.
Joined: 4 Feb 2014 Gender: Male Posts: 87,510 Location: Queens, NYC
11 Mar 2015, 5:31 pm
You have to beat the bully by not FEELING bullied. You have to see value in yourself. That's how I survived being bullied. I knew I was somebody who didn't deserve to be bullied. I just knew the bullies had their own problems. I was naïve enough to sympathize with a bully should he approach me for help (that rarely happened, though).
I had my books. I had my statistics from various sports. I had my TV shows. I felt lonely at times.
When I felt lonely, I did do some reckless things. I shoplifted. I ran back and forth across a busy street. I took long walks. I even followed a bus driver home when I was 10; he lived about five miles from my house. I didn't know what "stalking" was. It wasn't even part of the vocabulary yet in 1971.
But I never really felt sorry for myself--primarily because I KNEW, when I got out from the control of my parents, that I would make something of myself.
Joined: 25 Aug 2013 Age: 66 Gender: Male Posts: 34,500 Location: Long Island, New York
11 Mar 2015, 6:27 pm
kraftiekortie wrote:
You have to beat the bully by not FEELING bullied. You have to see value in yourself.
While always agreed on some level with that statement It took me until getting diagnosed at age 55 to completely agree I did not deserve it.
_________________ Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013 DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity
It is Autism Acceptance Month
“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman
Joined: 6 May 2008 Age: 67 Gender: Male Posts: 59,912 Location: Stendec
11 Mar 2015, 7:52 pm
auntblabby wrote:
only the bullies deserve to be bullied.
The only way to deal with a bully is to fight back. Once they see you "turn the other cheek", they're going to keep bullying you because it makes them feel good and powerful. Open a "Can O'Whupass" on them, and they will become afraid of you!
_________________
No love for Hamas, Hezbollah, Iranian Leadership, Islamic Jihad, other Islamic terrorist groups, OR their supporters and sympathizers.
11 Mar 2015, 2:29 am
