Do you have maternal instincts?

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How many of us would identify as having strong maternal instincts? I personally don't see the appeal in raising children and find the idea of having a baby kind of creepy. Not that I have never cared about any children - I do have younger cousins - but I just don't feel maternal towards kids. At best, I feel more like a big sister or weird aunty than a mum towards kids, however most times I just don't care about kids in general.

Being a mum seems like it would be tough and I'm too selfish and incompetent to be a mum anyway. I'd rather focus on my career.

Nevertheless, I'm really interested in what compels people to have children. Is it just an innate biological urge or are there other factors involved? Let me know below, cheers!

Nopenopenope.

I don't have 'maternal instincts' but am a pretty good mum by all accounts. I don't really do the 'parenting role' or have that kind of relationship with my child. I have always treated him like another human being, not specifically as a child. It hasn't been easy raising him because of my challenges, but I am glad I had him. I chose to have him for the wrong reasons at the time that I became pregnant.

I don't think you have to have particularly intense 'maternal' or 'paternal' instincts to be a good parent, but it's certainly not for everybody and it does require a load of sacrifice and patience to parent effectively.

I don't see why everyone is expected to have a child, or go through the other motions like romantic partner and marriage if we don't feel drawn to it. I know a LOAD of women are pressured into making sure they have kids 'before their biological clock stops ticking' and who are often told things like 'oh you will change your mind when you're older' which I think is a load of bollocks.

I think good for you knowing it's not what you want to do and sticking with that. That shows a level of wisdom that I didn't have when I decided to have a child.

I think I have maternal instincts.
I don't have any children though.

Maternal instincts? Yes I think so, from the second I held a newborn relation, something clicked inside me, don't know what, or why; but I felt instant love for this child, and it has not wavered. It got me wondering, wow what must it feel like when its your own child. I'm comfortable with children and they seem to like me too.
Having said that I do seriously struggle with the realities of childbirth, and know that I would need a support network to be a parent in the way I would like to be one. The practicalities of parenthood are somewhat off putting.

When I hold a baby, I feel protective. I feel warmth for the baby. It is so fragile!

No. I'm very glad of it too.

You're completely right. It is a load of bollocks. I've always hated being told this. It's another way of pressuring you, like it's a future "I told you so."

I had no interest at all in having kids until I spent a lot of time around a slightly older friend who was desperate for kids, around the time when I was 25 years old. She would go on and on about how she wanted to be a Mum, and I guess I must have picked it up from her. The next guy I started seeing said he wanted to have a baby with me and boom it was like Id be switched on to reproduction mode and babies suddenly became massively appealing!

It wasn't till 8 years later I actually had my first baby, and by then I felt the clock was really ticking.

I definitely have a lot of maternal instincts, and loved all the cuddles and baby smiles. I'm very strict around giving eye contact to other people's babies though, it feels like all babies want you to fall in love with them, which of course they do! And as my two kids have got older there is a definite move away from too much touch and kisses. I don't like unpredictable touch and I really find the unreasonable crying a massive trigger.

In my mind the urge to have children is a biological thing, that I had very little control over. And I enjoyed it for the most part.

It's all the socialising with babies that I can't stand. Mother and baby groups, I habe never enjoyed socialising with my kids, because I finds it sooo hard to divide my focus.

Babies are kind of creepy in the beginning. So glad mine wasn't a crinkly one. I would not have liked looking at a crinkled baby. Would have made me felt there was something wrong as babies shouldn't be crinkly. And they pretty much sleep through most of the first couple of months. And you find yourself standing looking at this little human and think what the f***.
And then at 4 months you realise daddy had not put baby on the floor when he left for work and you found baby there because it somehow got out of it's high-sided cot and you think. O...K... time for some adaptions.
My favourite time was from around 14months to 4yrs when my baby was a toddler full of the joys of exploring the world it lived in. (for those touchy souls: ''It'' as in ''the'' baby)

We're 11 yrs down the line and I have a happy go lucky child with interest and strengths. And an awareness of her differenceness. Sometime I expect my child too much to think as an adult. Then I look at what other parents expect of their children and it helps to put it in perspective.

You'd have to define maternal instincts for me to be able to answer the question proper.
Do I care for my child? Yes
Do I have a bond with my child? Yes
What drove me to have a child? Lust and irresponsibility
Not that I have regretted it after I came to terms with the consequences of my behaviour
Although I do worry about the day she will have to face the world on her own
And that day will inevitably come

i was summer-mom for my ex's daughter when she was 5, 6, and 7. it came naturally and i missed her horribly when the relationship ended.

I am a mother, I just don't have children yet. I've always been drawn to babies and small children. I love to be around them and play with them. I don't even mind poopy diapers.

I've worked in day care and elder care (you would not believe how similar they are). And was pretty too at both. Had my first babysitting job at 11.

I've known all my life I wanted children. But I have not yet managed to find a husband. It appears I am going to have to buy frozen sperm and go the single parent route. Not the life I'd dreamed of but I feel like time is running out.

I do agree however that it's not for everyone and society needs to quit pushing people to reproduce. The planet is to full as it is and when people with no desire to raise children have kids it can lead to some pretty crappy childhoods. I know, my father was a person who should never have gotten married, much less had kids.

It's interesting that the drive to reproduce, give birth, breastfeed etc all comes from the very old primal part of our brains. And that area of the brain is also responsible for the fight/flight mode.

But the rational thinking distracts us from our instincts...

Any neuro-biologists out there? Can we explain why some people with autism don't feel their reproductive instincts as strongly?

Yes I do.

No, I am not the maternal type. I never wanted to have kids, or a spouse, or a boy friend. I am the hermit type, so I never took the family path. I would have been a lousy wife and mother, anyway. I do get along with youngsters for the short periods of time I occasionally spend with them, but have no desire to have any kids of my own.

I really hate holding babies. It's awkward and I'm worried I'll drop them.

As for the warmth thing, I just don't feel it. I feel obligated to look out for children because they are vulnerable and impressionable, but its not based on any innate affinity with kids. I only form attachments if I know the person, and that goes for children too.

Probably.

I am kind of scared when I am to hold my cousin's little son(I don't like the cousin and she doesn't like me back so that might be the reason) and the idea of changing diapers freaks me out but I suppose I have maternal instinct.

I like little kids, I am protective to them and I can play with toddlers for ages. And the way I care about my cats tells me I would have enough patience and my stomach is strong enough to take care of a newborn human too. When my cat was sick I was waking up every a few hours to make her microwave food and I was cleaning after her when she couldn't get to cats toilet. My parents were surprised how I am able to do it without complaining or making them do it. But I just felt it was what I am supposed to do because the cat was so helpless and innocent.

I would like to have a kid one day and I suppose I would be a good mother. But I don't have a boyfriend, I am scared of giving a birth and I don't think I could guide a little human through the world (how does one get his kid registered to a kindergarten?) so not having one is my choice for now. Unless I get a guy who wants a kid and is able to guide both of us through the social world issues.